c89 Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Hi. Ive read a few threads but thought I would post my own. Heres a brief bit of history about what has happened. We have known each other for about 6 years, I was only 17 and she was 18 when we first met. We dated for a year or so on and off before finally breaking up and going our separate ways. We occasionally spoke a bit for a while, but then ended up going about a year and a bit without any contact. Then about a year and a half ago she got in contact with me. At this time she was at uni and living with her boyfriend. I was trying to play it cool and not get involved as I was kinda seeing someone else anyway and didnt want to get to involved despite still caring alot for her (I had dated other people when we were apart but never met anyone who I shared such a connection - Im sure we all know wot I mean). She was trying to meet up with me and I refused to. Eventually we saw each other when she turned up 'coincidently' at a house party I was at. We didn't really speak much and I went home. When I got back she called me up and we went back to hers as her boyfriend was away - I was pretty drunk then and tbh it seemed like the right thing to do at the time. We started speaking a bit more and meeting up. I would sometimes stay over hers if her boyfriend was away, again I tried not to get involved with her and kept it as fun. Eventually she split up with him and moved back home. We started to see each other alot more. I tried not to care. I was pretty good by this point of acting like I didnt care and never let my true feelings know to her. I was playing hard to get and it worked perfectly. It would wind her up a lot and she would complain that I was unemotional but I didnt let this change me and she seemed really keen for me. As time went on we got closer. It was never meant to get serious but seemed to be going that way. I started to be a bit more like a boyfriend (putting her first and just generally being caring and there for her). Tbh this is how I wanted it to plan out - I really wanted to make a good go of it. I always wanted to get back with her when we were apart and was happy with how things had turned out. We were close, had an amazing time and never argued once. The past few months we started to get a bit worse. I dont know if she just enjoyed the chase or whether she thought I would never change despite her always moaning at me to! She then started a new job in a managerial role. The hours were longer and I could see she was getting stressed. It then all went a bit crazy, she was having mood swings. We would be fine one moment then she would delete me off all social networks going crazy at me saying I only pretend to care for her and that I was trying to hurt her. I assured her this was not true. We then seemed a bit better, we were always fine together but occasionally started having text arguments etc, something which has never happened before. Talking to her became more difficult and we just started to grow apart over a few weeks. This may sound stupid but I'm sure some people will understand how someone is very different in person, she may be emotionless on the phone/texting but very different when your talking face to face. I had to see her. At this point I had to try and save it by telling her how I really felt - maybe not a great decision but I dont like hiding my problems and didnt want to regret never telling her - especially as I knew I was rapidly running out of time. We then seemed ok for a bit after getting it all out in the open but still not perfect. Conversation was sometimes difficult (again via texts etc) and she seemed a bit off with me. We would be fine if i went over and watched a movie though or go for a picnic. Eventually after a few weeks of this we met up to talk about it all. We both agreed that we both got a bit too involved. She knows how I feel about her and that I want to be with her, but she wants to be single and not have to worry about anyone else (as the possibility of a promotion and moving away is very much possible in the next 6 months). Since she started the new job she is very much focused on it, she wants to be high up the chain as quick as possible and not get stuck in a rut so to speak. We have been 2 weeks with no contact now. We haven't spoke since we met in person and it all sort of ended. I haven't text her as wanted to give her space, and tbh I doubt she will text me first as she can be stubborn like that or she may generally just not care. So my dilemma, Its her birthday next week. It will have been 3 weeks without contact. Do I say anything? I was thinking a card - nothing special and no love poems, just to let her know I remembered more than anything! She may not care about me at all, but if she does she may b angry if she doesn't get any acknowledgement. (Not that it matters really but for my birthday she took me clubbing in London and put lots of effort into organising it, this was about 5 months ago) What does everyone think? Will it make me look desperate? Or will it make it look like I do care? Advice please! And sorry about the long thread but its good to get it all off my chest!
danny1972 Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 i would personally leave it alone (from past experience ) if it's meant to be it will work it's self out untill then no contact , i think she cares about you , but do you really want to open up the lines of communication ? you send a card she says thanks you say ok before you know it you are both putting yr self through the mill again , she seems focused on work at the moment let her focus on that , like i said give it some space let it breathe you both clearly have some thinking to do give it some time , maybe talk face to face next time to address the problem texting isn't always the way forward .
immitable Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Your story is very very similar to mine, my bu was about 1.5 yr ago, every detail to the managerial position, meeting again at at party etc. We were together for 5 yrs, she called it off. It is strange bc there is a lot of history between 2 of you and it makes it hard to move on. Only time will let you know if it is meant to be or not. Because truth always emerges sooner or later. This doesn't mean that you should be pining for her, move on if you can and go about your business. On the birthday, I wouldn't wish her anything, since she is the one who didn't want you around her on her birthday why putting ypurself out there, let her miss you or whatever.
Author c89 Posted October 4, 2012 Author Posted October 4, 2012 Thanks for the responses - they have given me alot to think about. Im really still unsure though. All my friends think I should send a card or at least text. I have bought a card but I would like to have enough will power to not say anything. If I do that I have a feeling that she would take that the wrong way completely and think that I really don't care about her despite what I have previously said. But then again as you both have said I'm not sure if I will get any positive response by sending a card. Im very much a believer of it will work itself out, but its much easier to say that than do it when you have strong feelings.... Its one of those situations were whatever I do will be wrong!
Calico Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 What does everyone think? Will it make me look desperate? Or will it make it look like I do care? Is your real question, "Will this help me get her back?"? If you go NC, it's best done after you have made the decision to let go and remove the person from your life, and then you stick to it. Sending her a birthday note after only 3 weeks isn't NC. I'd not send/do anything, if you want to move on and let go.
Chi townD Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 Thanks for the responses - they have given me alot to think about. Im really still unsure though. All my friends think I should send a card or at least text. I have bought a card but I would like to have enough will power to not say anything. If I do that I have a feeling that she would take that the wrong way completely and think that I really don't care about her despite what I have previously said. But then again as you both have said I'm not sure if I will get any positive response by sending a card. Im very much a believer of it will work itself out, but its much easier to say that than do it when you have strong feelings.... Its one of those situations were whatever I do will be wrong! Why? For what purpose? You have to look at your relationship as a job. You got fired from that job. She stated that your services as a boyfriend are no longer required. Now, I'm sure that you've had a job or two. After you left your job, did you continue to send everyone there a christmas card? Did you hang around and mingled with everyone while they were working? Chances are, no! You moved on and got another job!!! Look, you send her a card or a text; a couple of things are going to happen. If you send her a card and you don't get an acklowledgement, you going to feel like crap....If you send a text stating "Happy Birthday" and she sends back a "thanks" you going to be like, "Thanks? After all the time we've spend together; after all the love and caring we've shown each other all I get is a frickin 'thanks'?!?!?!" Just let it go. You don't work there anymore.
2sunny Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 Don't contact - birthday or not - she's not interested. It will only make you look needy and desperate.
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