I feel heartbroken beyond belief!

October 3, 2012

I can't get over my ex. I just can't. I really don't know how to handle this anymore. We broke up 5 months ago and, in fact, we had broken up before that, but we were still living together out of some convenience. It was very messy as I still had hopes he would come to his "senses" and realise he still loved me. I had my part in the breakup, so I don't only blame him. However, he NEVER acknowledged my part in it (at least not to me) and kept giving me the typical:"it's not you, it's me" bulls***! I tried to talk about it, I even aplologised for the things I said, but he would remain indifferent and ignore me. He drove me to insanity, so the breakup was ugly. I became needy, clingy, needless to say.

When we finally split, officially split, I think we were both relieved in many ways. The only difference is that I was still heartbroken, he had moved on. We had had sex a few days before we parted, which made things worse. I was missing physical contact with him so much and I still loved him, so I fell for the "farewell-I'm-only-using-you-for-the-last-time" sex. It hurt!

During the first month after the breakup, I sent him an email agreeing with the breakup, finally, and said I wasn't angry anymore, so I was ready to move on. He replied wishing me the best and that was it. Then two weeks later, no contact, I texted him wishing his child a happy birthday. He replied with a thanks. I waited 3 weeks NC and blew it! I sent him an email with an attachment, a song I liked, saying I was thinking of him. He totally ignored me, no reply for 10 days, so I went 2 months NC, completely! I was doing fine until last week when I decided to call him. Wtf! What was I thinking? It was disastrous! He was rude to me and hung up at first. Then I texted him back and found out he had totally moved on and was even seeing someone else. Stupid me! As if I didn't know he had moved on! Frankly, I have humiliated myself!

My pain is so big now that it can't be larger because I'm only one person and I am petite! Otherwise it would literally rip me apart, break me into pieces physically as well. That's how I feel. I can't cope, I can't cope with this now, I just can't. How do I survive? Time, I know, but I feel I'm facing the long haul on this one.

Edited October 3, 2012 by Rosane

October 3, 2012

I"m sorry you're going through this

I know the pain of rejection and heartache. But you have realized that you should never have contacted him. You have to be strong, because every time you contact him, it's like you're starting the breakup all over again. 5 months is no longer 5 months if you contacted him a week ago, now it's fresh again and you keep heaping on the pain. You have to go 100% no contact, you have no choice. He's made it clear he's moved on and you have to accept it no matter how much it hurts. I know it hurts, believe me I know. But are you going to ruin your life because of this experience? There is someone out there for each of us. We have to be strong and take care of ourselves. We have to seize the day and realize that life is too short to waste tears and despair on someone who doesn't want us anymore. You can't change him, so you have to change yourself dear.

October 3, 2012

I know how you feel because mine was 5 weeks ago i kicked him out he went back to his mams in london no im texting an ringing hes go a new job an he dont give a ****. i feel sick to my stomach i feel like im gonna have a nervous break down my whole life is like its ended but the truth is he they was any kinda people they wud be here an what are we sat down crying for somthing that dont want us its silly we gotta get a grip think ahead make our selfs the best we can love our selfs their selfish their evil an its all wrong

October 3, 2012

Sadly, the only way is to keep sticking to NC. Every time you break it, or look up information about him, or learn more news, you get thrown back. Not always to square one, but progress is lost every time. The good news is that you KNOW (because you have experienced it) that you WILL feel better if you do stick to NC. The pain will pass again, like everything else. Stay strong even when you feel at your weakest.

October 3, 2012

Yes, Calico, I know so well that the only way to feel better is 100% NC. It's just taking me so long to forget him. Even when I am not thinking of him, I dream of him at night. It's a constant nightmare, whether I'm awake or asleep. But If I stick to NC, this nightmare has to pass. Thanks.

October 3, 2012

I"m sorry you're going through this
I know the pain of rejection and heartache. But you have realized that you should never have contacted him. You have to be strong, because every time you contact him, it's like you're starting the breakup all over again. 5 months is no longer 5 months if you contacted him a week ago, now it's fresh again and you keep heaping on the pain. You have to go 100% no contact, you have no choice. He's made it clear he's moved on and you have to accept it no matter how much it hurts. I know it hurts, believe me I know. But are you going to ruin your life because of this experience? There is someone out there for each of us. We have to be strong and take care of ourselves. We have to seize the day and realize that life is too short to waste tears and despair on someone who doesn't want us anymore. You can't change him, so you have to change yourself dear.

Thanks. I can't control this situation anymore. I must move on. Hurting doesn't even come close to how I'm feeling, especially when I remember all the things he did to be with me. He is no kid. A supposedly mature man, but hey, it happens.

October 3, 2012

It's hard, I know. I was fine the past few days, then napped today on the couch, the dreams came back, and I woke up feeling desperate and in despair. I doubt it'll get any better today, but tomorrow will be a new day. This is what keeps me going: Remembering that there is always a new dawn, no matter how dark the night is.

October 3, 2012

I know how you feel because mine was 5 weeks ago i kicked him out he went back to his mams in london no im texting an ringing hes go a new job an he dont give a ****. i feel sick to my stomach i feel like im gonna have a nervous break down my whole life is like its ended but the truth is he they was any kinda people they wud be here an what are we sat down crying for somthing that dont want us its silly we gotta get a grip think ahead make our selfs the best we can love our selfs their selfish their evil an its all wrong

I feel for you too, darling. It's horrible, isn't it? But we'll get there x

October 3, 2012

Thanks. I can't control this situation anymore. I must move on. Hurting doesn't even come close to how I'm feeling, especially when I remember all the things he did to be with me. He is no kid. A supposedly mature man, but hey, it happens.

My ex was 45. He was as emotionally immature as they come. Age doesn't equal maturity right?

October 4, 2012

True, age doesn't mean anything. This has been the worst ever breakup of my life. I'm no kid either and even though I had been through some breakups before, this one has really hit me like a bomb! I've never felt so rejected all my life.

I think it's because he's a very manipulative person and his presence was so strong in my life I didn't realise how controlling he was.

Funny, I had never had a control freak in my life before and I really thought I would be able to spot one if I ever came across this kind of man. Haha! All my idea of what a control freak was fell apart. They simply come in all shapes and forms!

He wasn't the jealous type or the stereotypical macho who would blatantly control what I did, wear etc, but he would subconsciously get to me by leading me to think and do things I didn't want to. I had never been influenced by anyone before like that. Very strong-minded, but immature. A successful salesman and businessman, so he would bring this side to home life too. He made up a persona to web me into at first, and sweep me off my feet. Then, the mask had to fall off at one point, of course. His presence in my life has been devastating. I think I will need professional help to get over this. I know I attracted him into my life for a reason; not a good one, though.

Thank you all for the replies here, thank you, it means a lot to me.

Edited October 4, 2012 by Rosane

October 4, 2012

My ex was 45. He was as emotionally immature as they come. Age doesn't equal maturity right?

I keep getting slammed for this, but I've often repeated a piece of advice my mother once gave me:

"It doesn't matter what job they have, how much they earn, what car they drive, whose clothes they wear, where they live or what they look like - they're 9 years old."

If you picture them in shorts, shirt, skew-whiff school tie, blazer and cap - it works every time.

October 4, 2012

I keep getting slammed for this, but I've often repeated a piece of advice my mother once gave me:

"It doesn't matter what job they have, how much they earn, what car they drive, whose clothes they wear, where they live or what they look like - they're 9 years old."

If you picture them in shorts, shirt, skew-whiff school tie, blazer and cap - it works every time.

Good one!

October 4, 2012

True, age doesn't mean anything. This has been the worst ever breakup of my life. I'm no kid either and even though I had been through some breakups before, this one has really hit me like a bomb! I've never felt so rejected all my life.

I think it's because he's a very manipulative person and his presence was so strong in my life I didn't realise how controlling he was.

Funny, I had never had a control freak in my life before and I really thought I would be able to spot one if I ever came across this kind of man. Haha! All my idea of what a control freak was fell apart. They simply come in all shapes and forms!

He wasn't the jealous type or the stereotypical macho who would blatantly control what I did, wear etc, but he would subconsciously get to me by leading me to think and do things I didn't want to. I had never been influenced by anyone before like that. Very strong-minded, but immature. A successful salesman and businessman, so he would bring this side to home life too. He made up a persona to web me into at first, and sweep me off my feet. Then, the mask had to fall off at one point, of course. His presence in my life has been devastating. I think I will need professional help to get over this. I know I attracted him into my life for a reason; not a good one, though.

Thank you all for the replies here, thank you, it means a lot to me.

Geez, were we dating the same guy??? Mine was in construction otherwise I'd say we need to talk girl, lol...you are describing my ex very well. He wasn't an outright control freak either, but he was very manipulative and passive aggressive. Really got me hooked by his online persona too.

I think that we attract people in our lives for reasons too. And it is a good reason, because we always learn lessons from it. It may seem bad to the core, but the lesson is something we'll always take from it. Like in my case, I ignored red flags, I caught him in a lie and didn't call him on it, I let him ignore me for a week and took him back, taking all the blame for the conflict - which was his fault completely. I was desperate. My big lesson is that I need to be stronger and more confident in a relationship and stand up for myself when a red flag pops up. I have to be prepared for it to end and I have to force myself to know that it's for the best, and not try to desperately hang on for the sake of not being alone. Otherwise the same thing will happen again, over and over. Hard lessons to learn, but important ones.

October 4, 2012

I keep getting slammed for this, but I've often repeated a piece of advice my mother once gave me:

"It doesn't matter what job they have, how much they earn, what car they drive, whose clothes they wear, where they live or what they look like - they're 9 years old."

If you picture them in shorts, shirt, skew-whiff school tie, blazer and cap - it works every time.

Lol..you know, that's how I was able to forgive the ex. I pictured him as a kid, falling right off the turnip truck, with no clue how to be in a relationship.

October 4, 2012

I've found that this has been somewhat true in my life.

The length of the relationship divided by 2.

In example:

6 months together

3 months to get over the relationship.

Some things that will help you to keep your mind off of them.

-Get busy. Get a second job if you have to or volunteer some place.

-Stop listening to sad songs that remind you of them.

-Don't look Facebook

-Stop talking about them because this keeps them on your mind.

If he was controlling you, guess what, he still is. When he pops in your mind tell yourself the truth - He didn't love you the way you loved him and that's why he is able to move on so quickly. Get angry at yourself for letting someone treat you this way and then forgive yourself and know better next time. This is hard I know because I've been there but you have to put on your big girl panties and pull yourself up and out of this.

Good Luck.

October 4, 2012

Geez, were we dating the same guy??? Mine was in construction otherwise I'd say we need to talk girl, lol...you are describing my ex very well. He wasn't an outright control freak either, but he was very manipulative and passive aggressive. Really got me hooked by his online persona too.

I think that we attract people in our lives for reasons too. And it is a good reason, because we always learn lessons from it. It may seem bad to the core, but the lesson is something we'll always take from it. Like in my case, I ignored red flags, I caught him in a lie and didn't call him on it, I let him ignore me for a week and took him back, taking all the blame for the conflict - which was his fault completely. I was desperate. My big lesson is that I need to be stronger and more confident in a relationship and stand up for myself when a red flag pops up. I have to be prepared for it to end and I have to force myself to know that it's for the best, and not try to desperately hang on for the sake of not being alone. Otherwise the same thing will happen again, over and over. Hard lessons to learn, but important ones.

Based on what you said as well, about the lies and red flags, I'd say we were dating the same guy, but he wasn't in construction, he's a franchiser and shareholder of an international recording/sound equipment company, unless he's been in construction before, because there was always a part of his life I never knew. There were lies, big ones, I refused to see them as red flags. I also met him online. OMG! How can we fall for men like that? When I realised he was not delievering anymore what he promised, and I mean love wise, I started attacking him in the meanest ways as possible. I went overboard criticising his child's behaviour, as he spoilt her. I'm no angel either, I know, but at least I was so transparent that he actually said to me: "I know you don't have a problem with my child, I see you trying to please x many times, it's me you want to hurt" Yes, true, bull's eye!

Now I think he's happy with another woman again, perhaps playing his games again, but I'm flashed with tormenting thoughts that this one is perfect and I was the evil one in this story.

Edited October 4, 2012 by Rosane

October 4, 2012

Lol..you know, that's how I was able to forgive the ex. I pictured him as a kid, falling right off the turnip truck, with no clue how to be in a relationship.

I think that given but a few short days ago, you couldn't stop crying and that you were an emotional wreck, I feel so proud for you, that you've managed to turn yourself around like this.

You're amazing.

October 4, 2012

Based on what you said as well, about the lies and red flags, I'd say we were dating the same guy, but he wasn't in construction, he's a franchiser and shareholder of an international recording/sound equipment company, unless he's been in construction before, because there was always a part of his life I never knew. There were lies, big ones, I refused to see them as red flags. I also met him online. OMG! How can we fall for men like that? When he was not delievering what he promised, and I mean love wise, I started attacking him in the meanest ways as possible. I went overboard criticising his child's behaviour. I'm no angel either, I know, but at least I was so transparent that he actually said to me: "I know you don't have a problem with my child, I see you trying to please x many times, it's me you want to hurt" Yes, true, bull's eye!

Now I think he's happy with another woman again, perhaps playing his games again, but I'm flashed with tormenting thoughts that this one is perfect and I was the evil one in this story.

I did the same in the end. I totally lashed out at him and said lots of hurtful things, but I said them on purpose to hurt him and also to ensure he wouldn't contact me again. He kept stringing me along for 3 weeks before that and I couldn't handle it anymore. I needed to cut him out completely so that I could start to move on, so I knew what to say to ensure that. And honestly? I don't regret the nasty comments. He deserved them and it made me feel like I had a little of my power back. Don't blame yourself for what happened, a breakup takes two people right? It's never totally one-sided. And you said he lied to you, so he's definitely not perfect. Neither are you, so be kind to yourself.

October 4, 2012

Stillafool

True! it's like he's still controlling me. I must try to let this go. He didn't love me as much as I loved him, that's why he moved on so quickly!

October 4, 2012

I think that given but a few short days ago, you couldn't stop crying and that you were an emotional wreck, I feel so proud for you, that you've managed to turn yourself around like this.
You're amazing.

Thanks Tara! That's very sweet. I'm making it my full-time job to move on. I've said before I'm kind of faking it until I'm making it, so that's part of it, but it truly works! I'm staying as positive as I can and keeping extremely busy. I'm avoiding anything that could make me sad...movies, music etc...And today is day 3 of no crying, day 5 of no contact. And as of tomorrow, no more counting because it's done. One thing I did that helped me a lot was to join OKCupid. Even if I'm not ready right now to jump into a new romance, I got a lot of interest and 6 messages so far this week from different men. So far, there's no real attraction for me, but it does boost my ego. I recommend this to everyone who's been dumped. Not to have a rebound (unless that's what they want), but to simply make you feel wanted again. To help you realize that you CAN move on and find someone else.

October 4, 2012

Stillafool
True! it's like he's still controlling me. I must try to let this go. He didn't love me as much as I loved him, that's why he moved on so quickly!

Good advice there. He's definitely still controlling you. You won't be able to stop thinking about him completely, but by blaming yourself and holding on to the memory, it makes things worse. Letting go is tough, and takes time, but it's very possible.

October 4, 2012

Good advice there. He's definitely still controlling you. You won't be able to stop thinking about him completely, but by blaming yourself and holding on to the memory, it makes things worse. Letting go is tough, and takes time, but it's very possible.

(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))) thanks, we get there.

October 4, 2012

I saw where TaraMaiden told someone else who was going through a break up to get a puppy. This is a great idea for you too if you can keep a dog. It will definitely get your mind off yourself and get you out of the house and most importantly, someone to love.

October 4, 2012

I saw where TaraMaiden told someone else who was going through a break up to get a puppy. This is a great idea for you too if you can keep a dog. It will definitely get your mind off yourself and get you out of the house and most importantly, someone to love.

My little pug has been with me 17 years through thick and thin. He gives me reason to get out of bed and be responsible when all I want to do is hide away. Plus, he's definitely cuddly Talk about unconditional love when you need it!

October 4, 2012

There truly is nothing better than a dog for all the loving, devoted, single-pointed companionship when you need a faithful buddy to gladly occupy your time.

And Pugs honestly are in a class of their own. Did you know that they're a cross-breeding offshoot of the bull-mastiff?

it's true.

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I feel heartbroken beyond belief!

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