KansasChica Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 I don't know how to cope with this. I'm so over my life right now- I don't want to commit suicide or anything, I just don't know how to cope with these feelings. It's now been almost 10 months since my breakup. Everything was fitting into place- I was so in love with him, he claimed to be with me. We enjoyed doing the same things, had a good group of friends, etc. Then he dumped me. Now, I'm struggling for some kind of understanding. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do now. I'm so angry at him for breaking up with me unexpectedly and never reaching out. I'm 30 now and most of my friends are either married or in serious relationships. The guys I know are mostly immature and like to do their "guys nights". The 2 single girls I knew moved to other towns. I'm in therapy and he just tells me to keep putting myself out there. I try to join new organizations, meetups, online dating but to no avail. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm always on the verge of a panic attack thinking about my future, because it looks so bleak. My parents keep telling me not to give up. I bought a small house last year, which prevents me from picking up and moving somewhere else- but I'm not sure that would solve anything. I'm sorry for the downer post, but I just don't know what to do anymore. I thought for sure 6 months ago, that by this point, things would be looking up again.
mgce Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Kansas, I completely relate. It's going to be the *one year* anniversary of my breakup this upcoming Sunday (and I'm kind of dreading that day). Your second paragraph, in particular, completely resonates with me (except I'm 34). I'm very happy for all my married and settled down friends, but it can absolutely feel isolating. All I can really say is that while 10 months feels like an eternity, it's really just a drop in the bucket. We are both still *really* young and have many decades of healthy life ahead of us. That's an incredible amount of time for life to happen and new life surprises to hit us. I'd have a lot more trouble believing that if it wasn't for the really inspiring story of my mom. Long story short: she was not remotely in a good place at our age. Far worse than where I'm at now, in all honesty. But today, she's at an absolutely fantastic point in life, full of life and in better shape than she's ever been. And very happy with a wonderful significant other, a wonderful man that really brings her joy. They met about a year ago, at the age of 57. I consider her proof that we still have a future. Take it day by day, month by month, year by year. You and I are a long way away from 57. 2
MilitantPacifist Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Maybe you're looking at this the wrong way. You're trying to fill the hole your ex left with *other people*. The way I moved on was to learn to fill that hole with myself. You need to learn to love yourself, alone, before you can really try and love other people again. It sounds strange but in most relationships we're not the same person as we are when we're single. So try and learn to spend some time alone but not be lonely. It's hard but it can be done. Once you're perfectly happy with just your own company, *then* you start doing all the things you're talking about to expand your peer group and start dating again. 2
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