Mateo A. Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 (edited) Yesterday, my girlfriend asked her close male friend the size of his underwear. I got upset (jealous) with her because it's more or less of a personal/private thing to ask someone. I said to her, "If I asked a woman the size of her undies, I'd probably get smacked." She claimed she didn't know that it was such a personal question and that "men's underwear are just regular clothes" to her. I get where she's coming from, but it still makes me feel uncomfortable knowing the two of them had this talk. What makes matters worse is I really have no reason to be upset. All she wanted to do was buy me new boxer briefs. She didn't know my size so she asked her friend, who happens to be the same build as me, what his size was. I feel terrible - like the jealous boyfriend who ruins everything - only later to be dumped for the-close-friend-who's-always-there-for-her guy. Does anyone have any advice on this? My feelings are telling me one thing but my logic is telling me another. Edited October 3, 2012 by Mateo A.
JamesM Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Yesterday, my girlfriend asked her close male friend the size of his underwear. I got upset (jealous) with her because it's more or less of a personal/private thing to ask someone. I said to her, "If I asked a woman the size of her undies, I'd probably get smacked." If I asked a close female friend what size she underwear or bra she wore, I don't think they would slap me because of any sexual innuendo. The only reason they would be offended is because the size may be embarrassing to say. And I highly doubt my wife would be jealous if a woman asked me my size. I don't think it is a personal question. She claimed she didn't know that it was such a personal question and that "men's underwear are just regular clothes" to her. I get where she's coming from, but it still makes me feel uncomfortable knowing the two of them had this talk. Why? Do you have any reason to not trust her? This may be the real question. What makes matters worse is I really have no reason to be upset. All she wanted to do was buy me new boxer briefs. She didn't know my size so she asked her friend who happens to be the same build as me. This could be the reason or it could be an excuse for another reason. Assuming it is the reason, then you don't need to be upset. How did you find out she asked for his size? Did you overhear? Did she tell you? Did he tell you? Does anyone have any advice on this? My feelings are telling me one thing but my logic is telling me another. Apologize. If you have any reason to believe that she is cheating, then pay attention. To me it appears to be a simple misunderstanding. So, apologize if that is all it is. 1
MilitantPacifist Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Do the two of you live together? I have trouble imagining why she'd be buying you boxers unless you're living together in a committed relationship. If you're living apart and not in a committed relationship, it sounds odd to me. But as someone already mentioned if there's no other signs of cheating it seems like an innocuous misunderstanding to me.
Author Mateo A. Posted October 3, 2012 Author Posted October 3, 2012 The only reason they would be offended is because the size may be embarrassing to say. Does that make it a personal question then? Why? Do you have any reason to not trust her? This may be the real question. Not really, no. I agree trust has everything to do with it but I don't think trust is the reason why the situation made me uncomfortable. I think it's because I'm too conservative. This could be the reason or it could be an excuse for another reason. Assuming it is the reason, then you don't need to be upset. That "what if" scenario is what's killing me I think. How did you find out she asked for his size? Did you overhear? Did she tell you? Did he tell you? Out of the blue she said something like, "Oh I know what size underwear you wear now. Don't ask me how I found out." I immediately guessed, "Did you ask [your friend] what his size was?" I said it jokingly but I was right. She definitely wasn't going to tell me if I hadn't guessed, which made me suspicious. Apologize. If you have any reason to believe that she is cheating, then pay attention. To me it appears to be a simple misunderstanding. So, apologize if that is all it is. I will. I always do. I just want to find out what exactly I'm apologizing for so it won't happen again.
JamesM Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Does that make it a personal question then? Yes, because many women do not want to tell you their size due to feeling overweight. That "what if" scenario is what's killing me I think. It always does because the mind imagines more than is usually real. Out of the blue she said something like, "Oh I know what size underwear you wear now. Don't ask me how I found out." I immediately guessed, "Did you ask [your friend] what his size was?" I said it jokingly but I was right. She definitely wasn't going to tell me if I hadn't guessed, which made me suspicious. That IS strange. But if she had never told you, then it would be more strange. If she didn't view it as a personal question with sexual undertones, then it makes sense as to how she told you. I will. I always do. I just want to find out what exactly I'm apologizing for so it won't happen again. This close male friend...does he have a girlfriend? Has he ever dated your GF? Do you trust him?
Author Mateo A. Posted October 3, 2012 Author Posted October 3, 2012 Do the two of you live together? I have trouble imagining why she'd be buying you boxers unless you're living together in a committed relationship. If you're living apart and not in a committed relationship, it sounds odd to me. But as someone already mentioned if there's no other signs of cheating it seems like an innocuous misunderstanding to me. We don't live together but she complains I always wear the same underwear and I need new ones. And she's right! As Seinfeld put it, "Men wear their underwear until it absolutely disintegrates."
Author Mateo A. Posted October 3, 2012 Author Posted October 3, 2012 (edited) Yes, because many women do not want to tell you their size due to feeling overweight. But earlier you said: I don't think it is a personal question. So you don't think it's a personal question but it is for most people, especially women, is that what you're saying? It always does because the mind imagines more than is usually real. And boy do I have an imagination. That IS strange. But if she had never told you, then it would be more strange. If she didn't view it as a personal question with sexual undertones, then it makes sense as to how she told you. True. This close male friend...does he have a girlfriend? Has he ever dated your GF? Do you trust him? I believe he's trying to find a girlfriend at the moment, at least that's what my GF told me. He hasn't dated my GF to my knowledge. I don't trust him because I barely know who he is. Edited October 3, 2012 by Mateo A.
JamesM Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 So you don't think it's a personal question but it is for most people, especially women, is that what you're saying? I should correct that and say "it is not a sexual related question." Asking a woman her bra size could be depending on the tone of the conversation. But if I said, "May I ask you a personal question? My wife is shaped similarly to you, and I am thinking of getting her some new lingerie. What is your bra size?" As I type this, I would have to say that it would be harder for me to ask this question than to be asked what my underwear size is. And it is weird that your gf asks someone else his size to find out your size...and then proceeds to say to you that she now knows your size! She may have just asked your size. Besides, she could have simply bought you what she thought was our size and given you the receipt in case it wasn't. And boy do I have an imagination. And now mine is working too! I believe he's trying to find a girlfriend at the moment, at least that's what my GF told me. He hasn't dated my GF to my knowledge. I don't trust him because I barely know who he is. By saying you don't trust him, you are saying in a way that you don't trust your GF. If she hasn't dated him up until now, then she probably won't cheat with him. Having said that many years ago, I was "friends" with a girl who had a bf. I wonder what she told him...I always think she said I was gay! Keep your eyes and ears open, but I truthfully don't think that this alone qualifies your need to be concerned.
Necris Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 (edited) I don't get why you are offended OP, there is nothing wrong about asking about underwear size, I'm a guy my underwear is large, I could careless what people think. Though why she would even care about the size of his underwear I don't know. I think your imagination was feeling a little strong that day, thats all, you got nothing to worry about. Edited October 3, 2012 by Necris
Author Mateo A. Posted October 3, 2012 Author Posted October 3, 2012 (edited) I should correct that and say "it is not a sexual related question." Asking a woman her bra size could be depending on the tone of the conversation. But if I said, "May I ask you a personal question? My wife is shaped similarly to you, and I am thinking of getting her some new lingerie. What is your bra size?" Well put. As I type this, I would have to say that it would be harder for me to ask this question than to be asked what my underwear size is. I think the way you worded the question just now was pretty darn smooth. I can still see someone using it in a perverted way though. And it is weird that your gf asks someone else his size to find out your size...and then proceeds to say to you that she now knows your size! She may have just asked your size. Besides, she could have simply bought you what she thought was our size and given you the receipt in case it wasn't. This would make me raise a brow. However, we're in a LDR at the moment. I'm in the states and she's in South America. The sizes for apparel are measured differently down there, and not just because of the metric system. So that kind of rules out that one particular suspicion. And now mine is working too! I blame romantic comedies. By saying you don't trust him, you are saying in a way that you don't trust your GF. I see what you mean: she made friends with him, therefore by not trusting him I don't trust her to make good friends. Eureka! I'm a total douche. If she hasn't dated him up until now, then she probably won't cheat with him. Having said that many years ago, I was "friends" with a girl who had a bf. I wonder what she told him...I always think she said I was gay! I know that feel bro. Keep your eyes and ears open, but I truthfully don't think that this alone qualifies your need to be concerned. Agreed. Edited October 3, 2012 by Mateo A.
JamesM Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 This would make me raise a brow. However, we're in a LDR at the moment. I'm in the states and she's in South America. The sizes for apparel are measured differently down there, and not just because of the metric system. So that kind of rules out that one particular suspicion. NOW you tell me! That explains why she would ask someone else as a way of learning your size. Problem solved. No concern. Case closed. That also explains why you are worried about the friend. He is with her and you are not. If it helps, then remember that she wants you and not him...or she wouldn't bother continuing the relationship. 1
yongyong Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 I asked one female worker what her clothing size was. 'hey she is like your size, what size do you wear? 0 or 2?' She was happy to answer it. obviously she will be very uncomfortable if she was wearing 8+ I can't even imagine asking her bra or panty size though...... asking such questions mean you already scanned through her body.
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