d.uta Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 So here's the story. I been with my ex fiance for two years we were engaged for about 6 months. We had broken up once before she with me because of school but we ended up getting back together. We were broken up for about two months. Things were great when we got back. Yea we would get into arguments but nothing major. We both really loved each other. New years comes around and we made a new years resolution of getting engaged this new year. We always said that once we hit sophmore year of college that we would get engaged we both wanted it. She was excited as was I. I proposed to her in march and she tearfully said yes. I even planned a surprise engagement party for her the day of inviting her friends and family. Well after engaement we started getting into fights about finaces and my family. She didnt get along with my mom. But i thought nothing of it really its typical. Dont get me wrong I tried to help their relationship get better by talking to my mom about how great my fiance was. I was patient and understanding of both parties. And i always sided with my fiance because she was most important to me. I on the other hand was very close to her family and they loved me and i loved them i felt like they were my family. But in the end we would always tell each other that we loved each other and regardless were happy to be together. Fast forward to the month of august. She has become more distant with me and tells me that she wonders if we made the right choice in getting engaged. And i say i dont regret my decision you are the love of my life. I ask her i was hers and she says she doesn't know. This was at the beginning of the month. The middle of the month: She says she wants to break the engagement off but still keep dating. She said she was overly stressed with my family and that she didnt want to have to deal with them anymore that if were just dating then she had no obligation to see them. I of course got mad at her and told that it was dumb but i said ok because as long as i had her well then it was ok. She tells her family this and her dad chews her out saying that it was stupid and that if she was going to break the engagement it was going to be for good no dating no nothing. That you dont break an engament because you are stressed. So she told me the next day that she wasnt going to break the engagement bc of what her dad said and she still had very strong feelings for me that she couldnt break up with me. Fast forward to the end of the month: She says she doesnt want to be with me anymore. She gave me the famous words i love you but im not in love with you. She said she found it hard to look up to me as i was always catering to her. She said she felt like she was dating herself because i focused so much on her. This is true but i wasnt a push over i did put her in her place many times. Its been a month since we split. I've seen her unintentionally at church for three weeks. Its a big church so i didnt expect to run into her but i did. Each time we would do small talk. The first time i saw her i asked if we could have lunch afterwards to catch up. She told me flat out no that it was a bad idea that it was too soon and that it was too hard right now. I cant stop thinking about her grades at school have been slipping. I miss her alot and truly love this woman. I want her back. You guyst think there is a chance?
TaraMaiden Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Sorry.. Not in the USA so the education system is unfamiliar to me.... What are your ages....?
TaraMaiden Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Oh you're going to hate me. She did the right thing. I'm sorry, but at your ages, with everything you have on your plates - you are way too young to think about settling down and making this a death do us part situation. You both need time away from each other to spread your wings, find you feet and set yourselves down on solid ground - and all this talk of permanence and engagement is way too much pressure to be even thinking about - even on the horizon. taste life, enjoy your youth let your hair down and do not - DO NOT - commit to anyone, with a view to marriage a home, kids, the 4X4 and the Labrador puppy - for at least the next 6 years. 3
Author d.uta Posted October 3, 2012 Author Posted October 3, 2012 thanks I hear ya i really do. But i really was in love with this girl and i really saw her as being my wife. It just sucks. I want to fight for her and get her back but she hasnt put any effort towards that possibility so whats the point
Gulf-Delta Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 You don't want her man. She doesn't even know what a relationship is supposed to be. She thinks you caring for her, being with her, etc. is a bad thing? She clearly has no concept of relationships
TaraMaiden Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 It's sickening sometimes, how proverbs or adages are so true - but they're so true. "If you love her - let her go". Stifle her, chase her, beg, plead and implore - and she'll end up resenting you. And you'll miss out on potentially happy memories and a future friendship. Tell her you respect her decision, you certainly don't agree with it, but you're not going to lose the plot and fight for her, because you know that won't work. Wish her well, and tell her that you are going No Contact (read the Caliguy link in my signature). This isn't to get her back. it's to make you understand that your life goes on, and will get better. But you must implement NC and stick to it - and above all, make sure she respects your request. Will she come back of her own accord? I can't promise that, but records and experience shows that it's rare. However, what the NC guide does promise, is a better place for you to be in, more quickly. Good luck. Keep posting, we feel for you.....
Recommended Posts