Sun Devil Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 Why should these threads be ignored. There are a lot of frustrated men and this problem wont solve itself, but will get worse unless something is done about it.
ScreamingTrees Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 Maybe the problem is not self-improvement, or even strictly self-love/low self-esteem, but this idea of perfectionism. A commonality that I've noticed in my observations between lonely guys is this aching need to be perfect, to be "right." To have the right kind of body, the perfect height, the right job, the perfect personality. It isn't enough to just be good, or reasonably attractive; everything must be right. I identify with this, not so much with expecting much specifically from the girl, besides having my general personal preferences that aren't too limiting.. I used to be all about "the one", but I'm realizing I have and may continue to turn down opportunities that may not be ideal, but enjoyable and nonetheless.. From my nose, to my forehead, to my chin, to my jaw, to my ears, to my eyes, to my body height, shape and size.. I've obsessed over everything, mostly all of the things that I couldn't change, that I wanted to be "right" so that I was sure in my mind that I COULD be attractive to someone.. In my mind, I didn't believe anyone could genuinely be attracted to what I was, and it wouldn't do me any good to approach someone if I wasn't secure and "ready".. In a way, I'm still not completely ready. Maybe I'll never be, and I might as well force myself to become more outgoing and approachable now. I'm learning that waiting for "the one" will never work because that could be any person, and by holding out on talking to those people I'll never get any closer to finding the one person who WILL click with me for some strange reason, so that the attraction between us grows in a way that it wouldn't with any other girl.
fortyninethousand322 Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 (edited) Why should these threads be ignored. There are a lot of frustrated men and this problem wont solve itself, but will get worse unless something is done about it. If they're frustrated, that's their problem. And they deserve it. No help nor sympathy from me. Let them help themselves. More people should adopt this attitude. I take this approach by the way for anyone who has any kind of problem. Spouse cheating, unruly children, lose your job, etc. Edited October 4, 2012 by fortyninethousand322
SJC2008 Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 This involves two things that alot of men simply cannot do: 1) Being totally honest to yourself no matter how uncomfortable it is. 2) having men learn something they never learn in their lives that is critical, but girls know right from their first day of school: advanced social skills. Try telling the average frustrated guy to improve his social skills, and he will look at you like you're crazy. Almost as if you are asking him to sell his soul to the devil! When in fact, being popular has zero to do with following the herd. Ok this is like the 100th time "social skills" has been used in this forum. Nobody has ever elaborated past the term at all. What are these social skills?
MrCastle Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 Ok this is like the 100th time "social skills" has been used in this forum. Nobody has ever elaborated past the term at all. What are these social skills? Being self aware. Understanding how people perceive you. Knowing when to speak, and what to speak about. Being appropriate/politically correct and avoiding taboo subjects or crude humor when you don't know the person well. Maintaining eye contact when someone speaks. Understanding of personal space. Understanding of hygiene. Knowing when you're being *too* funny and when to quit when you're ahead. Not looking down at your phone in a group setting, especially when someone in the group is talking (especially to you). If in a bar setting, knowing your drinking limit and not making a fool out of yourself by not being able to hold your liquor. Most of these should be common sense but that's the thing about common sense; it's not so common.
mtnbiker Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 If they're frustrated, that's their problem. And they deserve it. No help nor sympathy from me. Let them help themselves. More people should adopt this attitude. I take this approach by the way for anyone who has any kind of problem. Spouse cheating, unruly children, lose your job, etc. In my opinion that makes you heartless. I can tell by your respones that you are not in mental health healthcare, or any profession that makes a real difference in others' lives. It must be nice to feel no empathy for any other living soul.
fortyninethousand322 Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 In my opinion that makes you heartless. I can tell by your respones that you are not in mental health healthcare, or any profession that makes a real difference in others' lives. It must be nice to feel no empathy for any other living soul. Ok...? at "making a real difference in others' lives". Real rich.
SJC2008 Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 (edited) Being self aware. Understanding how people perceive you. Knowing when to speak, and what to speak about. Being appropriate/politically correct and avoiding taboo subjects or crude humor when you don't know the person well. Maintaining eye contact when someone speaks. Understanding of personal space. Understanding of hygiene. Knowing when you're being *too* funny and when to quit when you're ahead. Not looking down at your phone in a group setting, especially when someone in the group is talking (especially to you). If in a bar setting, knowing your drinking limit and not making a fool out of yourself by not being able to hold your liquor. Most of these should be common sense but that's the thing about common sense; it's not so common. Thanks Mr castle and it's exactly what I figured the response would be. File that under no shiit. That's directed toward the phrase used here not you so don't take offense. These "social skills" are the new confidence on this forum. Edited October 4, 2012 by SJC2008 edit
borkus Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 If they're frustrated, that's their problem. And they deserve it. No help nor sympathy from me. Let them help themselves. More people should adopt this attitude. I take this approach by the way for anyone who has any kind of problem. Spouse cheating, unruly children, lose your job, etc. I don't understand some of your posts. You're a guy who struggles with dating yet some of your posts are already extremely harsh toward guys who share the same problems that you do. I'm hoping that you meant to say that people who ignore good advice and don't show gratitude don't deserve help nor sympathy.
fortyninethousand322 Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 I don't understand some of your posts. You're a guy who struggles with dating yet some of your posts are already extremely harsh toward guys who share the same problems that you do. I'm hoping that you meant to say that people who ignore good advice and don't show gratitude don't deserve help nor sympathy. Look around the forum. What guy with dating problems actually takes the advice they're given and applies it in order to change their life? By my count, none. Further look around the forum and you'll see plenty of people with other kinds of problems related to dating, relationships, love, etc., none of whom take advice or make improvements. Why in the world would I feel sympathy or advocate further advice to these people? It's folly. Let these people figure their own lives out and quit giving them attention or help they don't deserve.
2.50 a gallon Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 Sun Devil "unless something is done about it" About the only solution is to improve yourself. If your name is a hint as to your location, you are one of the lucky ones as I have lived there myself, and found the women, to have a fair amount of lookers, but a great many of them are down to earth. And if so there is a big national race coming your way. Women love race cars
Disenchantedly Yours Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 What are you doing to improve your results with women? Are you --making it a point to carry yourself better (good posture, body language, walking with confidence, speaking with sold tonality) --making it a point to dress better --joining clubs/activities where you can engage in more substantial interactions with women --working out --studying any PUA products/enlisting the help of a dating coach --doing cold approaches (day or night) --partaking in activities that will expand your horizons/make you grow as a man? I ask because many of you seem to be going around in circles. And many of the rest of us have accused you all of "not doing anything" except whining. Maybe that isn't the case. You do realize PUA products actually don't really inforce healthy attitudes and treatment toward women right? They usually target men that are already frustrated and bitter with women and feed into how they want to treat women in that current frustrated and bitter state while getting said woman to sleep with them. 1
Author Imajerk17 Posted October 4, 2012 Author Posted October 4, 2012 (edited) TRUE You know, I usually scoff at PUA stuff and will continue to do it! But, truly, I know that there are plenty of guys who used some of it to get over many social hurdles and I'm glad that they found the help there. But it's kind of ironic. The post I quoted is completely rotten with PUA buzzwords, cliches and catchphrases: hypergamous date out of their league pump and dump spinning plate high status male options Feminist entitlement AFC pedestalizing Alpha I notice this a lot among our more bitter of the frustrated here. They seem very immersed in PUA "culture" but it is only helping them dig themselves deeper ... Well, PUA can be great for is learning social skills. Guys seek out PUA for similar reasons why they come here to LS for advice--to get more power in their dating lives. What is not so great about the PUA Community is that some parts of it anyway promote a Taker's Mentality. I mean, it's great to focus short-term on improving "this area of your life". If however in the long term your life becomes all about acting a certain way in front of certain people who can give you what you want (i.e. physically attractive women whom you want sex/relationship/associations with) then that is indeed a pretty shallow existence. What has started out as a noble and healthy goal--improving social skills--can really become twisted if taken to the extreme. A lot of guys who try PUA sadly don't improve. Putting yourself out there (i.e., doing approaches) is tough and many won't do it. These guys seem to end up becoming the Bitter Boys we see on this forum. There are also plenty of people who are seeking help in the PUA Community for some serious issues that really need something stronger like therapy with a licensed medical professional. Edited October 4, 2012 by Imajerk17 1
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