Healthy Relationship?

[radishes]

So my boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 years now. We're both pretty young, 20 and 21. Its just this little thing that bothers me. Whenever I write him a loving message, either he doesn't reply or replies with a couple of words. But he'll write paragraphs sometimes to his friends (female?) I don't know why he does this and it bothers me. He tells me he loves me, but when I tell him I want to last a long time with him, he tells me he just wants what is best for the both of us. He said that we're both still really young and inexperienced. But he admits that there is a possibility of us getting married in the future but just no thought of that anytime soon. We are also planning on moving in together next year.

 

I'm always the one that's telling him that laughing with him, and seeing him smile makes me happy. That I'm happy being his girlfriend, etc etc. But he never says that to me. Just "I love you" and "you looked really nice today", and gives me a kiss on the mouth,forehead, or cheek.

 

I don't know, I'm just hoping that he feels for me like I feel for him. I've talked to him about the messages, and the things I say to him. But he just never really have a reason. I hardly ever see him on the weekdays if I don't go over to his place because he gets off work at 11 and he tells me he's too tired, just don't want to leave his house because its more comfortable there. But he'll hang out with his friends and such. I mean I just don't feel all that important. AM I just overreacting? He told me I'm meeting him halfway by going over to his place.

 

I just can't seem to see how he is displaying, showing his love and appreciation for me when all I really hear from him is "I love you" and the only recent time he said anything more than that about his feelings was when we got in a car accident.

 

I mean am I just asking for alot? Am I being too much?

[WhatYouWantToHear]

I mean am I just asking for alot? Am I being too much?

 

The first 4 paragraphs whispered it, but then that last one just screamed it: I AM NEEDY.

 

Nobody wants to be told to tell someone how important they are. The more you tell him to tell you, the more he doesn't want to be around you. You're barely out of your teens, just have fun and quit analyzing everything and trying to get him to be, say and do everything you think a boyfriend should.

 

If you can't live with him being himself, dump him and find someone who will be what you want.

[RiverRunning]

'Eh, I disagree. I do think you have reason for insecurity: you don't say what he's telling his female friends (is it questionable? Are we talking long, wordy declarations of how important they are to him)? Is this something he does with his male friends? If his lady friends are getting preferential treatment, you do have reason to be worried.

 

I wouldn't move in with him - given your respective ages and the instability of the relationship. He tells you he wants what is 'best' for both of you? That you're still young and he's uncertain about the future? That wouldn't sit well with me - nor should it sit well with you. Because although people tend to have those thoughts from time-to-time, he's vocalizing his insecurities to you. I get the impression that you are Ms. Right Now for him - until something better comes along. Maybe one of those lady friends?

 

I can't definitively say that you're clingy and you're chasing him off, based on what you tell us - I didn't really get that impression. I do get the impression that there are two people growing out of a romance that began when they were very young. And there's nothing wrong with that. What's wrong with it is that your boyfriend seems to want more experience, but in the meantime, he'd rather keep you as his security blanket until someone else is ready to take him off the shelf.

 

Cut your losses and move on.

[radishes]

'Eh, I disagree. I do think you have reason for insecurity: you don't say what he's telling his female friends (is it questionable? Are we talking long, wordy declarations of how important they are to him)? Is this something he does with his male friends? If his lady friends are getting preferential treatment, you do have reason to be worried.

 

I wouldn't move in with him - given your respective ages and the instability of the relationship. He tells you he wants what is 'best' for both of you? That you're still young and he's uncertain about the future? That wouldn't sit well with me - nor should it sit well with you. Because although people tend to have those thoughts from time-to-time, he's vocalizing his insecurities to you. I get the impression that you are Ms. Right Now for him - until something better comes along. Maybe one of those lady friends?

 

I can't definitively say that you're clingy and you're chasing him off, based on what you tell us - I didn't really get that impression. I do get the impression that there are two people growing out of a romance that began when they were very young. And there's nothing wrong with that. What's wrong with it is that your boyfriend seems to want more experience, but in the meantime, he'd rather keep you as his security blanket until someone else is ready to take him off the shelf.

 

Cut your losses and move on.

 

hee hee. surprisingly you guessed it. I felt myself getting clingier, because I guess I wanted more of a response from him. But he just wanted to meet and date other people (he told me this). But he still wanted to date me until he finds that person. No. I'm not going to put up with that, so we broke up yesterday actually.