autigrgrad Posted July 27, 2004 Posted July 27, 2004 I am new to this board and have just recently separated after 13 years of marriage and 1 child. This was my decision. After living with my husband for all these years with no communication, I had to get out. I had cervical cancer and a radical hysterectomy back in February and decided that my life is too short(I am only 35) and I need to move on. If all is agreed upon, we should be divorced within 2 months. I have started kind of seeing a 45 year old man(my chiropractor) who has never been married but has been in many relationships and is actually in one right now. He has been dating a woman, his age, for about 9 months. He says that they see each other about 1 time a month. I don't really know the details and don't want to know right now. He say that we are the complete opposite and he has never carried on coversations with her like we have with each other. He says that his life is more complicated than mine. He spends a lot of time with his buddies and out on the golf course. We have only spent time together 2 times in the last week. Both times were more my asking him or actually telling him that I was free. We have a lot of fun together and can talk about anything and seem to be very honest with each other about everything(I know that I am and I am hoping that he is). He doesn't want to hurt me nor does he want to lead me on. I am so confused. He knows that I am vulnerable right now but when you are with someone who makes you feel special you want more and more of it not stopping to think how hurt you may become in the long run. My husband did not make me feel special, talk to me or even kiss me and hold me the way this man does. He told me that he is breaking 2 of his rules: 1. no dating patients and 2. no dating married women. I asked why he is breaking his rules then and he said that I helped make the decision about us getting together. I guess he didn't want to say no. He has been flirting with me for weeks. He kept on asking me when will you be able to date. I finally asked him if he was interested and he asked me what would I say if he asked me out. I told him that of course I would go out with him. He told me to call anytime I needed to talk. This was before we became intimate for the first time last Monday. I am the one who calls him and he always calls back. He is very paranoid that my husband will have the phone records checked. My husband isn't even using his own lawyer, we are sharing one and are very agreeable to most things. My husband has no clue this is going on(but we are separated). I spoke to him(new man) on Saturday early evening and he said that he thought that he had a date. I said what do you mean you think you have a date, haven't you asked her out yet. He said that he was supposed to have called her 2 hours before. He asked me if I was mad at him. Anyway, I told him that I couldn't do this and that I would wait for him to call me if he wanted to see me again. He wants me to date other people and not settle for the first guy I meet. I reallt didn't think that I would hear from him again unless I called him. So anyway, 11:30 pm Saturday night, he calls me. We talked for abput 30 minutes. He told me tonight that it was probably the alcohol that made him call and he knew that I would be up. We decided that I would call him Monday to see if he was free. My question is: Why would a man call me after he has been out on a date with someone else? Was it just the alcohol talking or is his really interested? I have not done the dating in thing is so long and crave attention so badly. I went in to his office today for an adjustment and he thought that he had a meeting after work but he did not. Everything was very professional except for a few things we talked about. We discussed giving each other massages later because our backs were sore. I went and had some other therapy done on my back and he came over and whispered in my ear to call him because he was leaving. I called and we got together for a couple of hours tonight. He told me before I came over that he was scared. I am not sure if he is scared because he is in some other relationship or if he is scared because I am not divorced yet. Why would a man be scared? When I left, I did not say that I would call him nor did he say that he would call me. I am just so confused and am not sure what to do. Do I just wait and let him call me? Any suggestions out there?? Thanks for reading this lengthy post.
Tech76 Posted July 27, 2004 Posted July 27, 2004 Hi, you made me think about the old saying that someone who is getting a divorce should not date for 6 months. He sounds like a guy that doesn't want to get his life complicated by dating another woman. You have been through a lot, try to take it easy. You are right about life being too short. Just try to make the right choices. I have not done so well in that department.
Author autigrgrad Posted July 27, 2004 Author Posted July 27, 2004 My relationship with my husband has been boring and uneventful from the start almost 13 years ago. He is the most quiet, unopinionated, indecisive man I have ever met. Why did I stay with him for so long, I have no idea. We have a 7.5 year old beautiful son together. My cancer finally made me realize that life is too short and I need to find happiness elsewhere. I had been toying with the idea of divorce long before my cancer. I just never had the nerve to take the step and ask for one. So my getting involved with someone is out of desperation to be loved and cared for. I know I should wait but when you meet someone and you feel so safe it is hard to wait. I guess I am not sure that safe is not the right word. I am having feelings that I have never had before with my husband. We haven't slept together just talked, cuddled, kissed and touched. I do know that getting involved with a dr of any type is the wrong thing to do. He is just such a good listener(I know that is his job) and a good communicator(again his job). We have the same personalities and can talk and laugh about all kinds of things. My husband really never made me laugh or feel happy inside. I am just so lonely and need to be with someone. Thanks again for your advice.
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