lost87 Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Hey, me and my ex-girlfriend split up back in may of this year (5months ago) and im still finding it really hard to think positively about my future without her. Wee started seeing each other when she had just turned 17 and i was 22, im now 24 and she's 19. She moved in with me around 3 months into our relationship and wee lived together for 2 years. About 6 months towards the end of our relationship, wee would argue quite abit about money worries and she would always complain alot about being so young and not having a life like her friends out clubbing and stuff and being able to do her own thing whenever she wanted. I was working in a job i hated back then which i ended up leaving when wee split as i couldn't cope any more, but back then i was very stressed with work and that would fuel arguments as well, wee just wernt in a good place, but i loved her so much and wanted to work through everything and have her in my life and she says she loved me...but she wasnt happy. When things came to an end which were quite mutual, she says she needed to live her life abit as she hadnt got to do before as id been with her from a young age and i fully understood and respected that. I was left without a girl i still love so much, no job, and had to sell my car that i had only bought a couple of months previous, basically left with nothing. From then lets just say my lifes been hell, ive been put on anti-depressants, i feel so hopeless about my future and havnt got the urge or energy to get up and do something about it, i just feel like nothing will get better unless she's back with me. All of my friends are settled with girlfriends and kids etc and i just feel so alone. I spend everyday with my head filled with thoughts about her, and whats she's doing and if she's been with anyone and it sends alot of anxiety through my body, i just feel so stuck. From wee splitt, ive deleted my facebook account and twitter account as she's on both, and when i see her getting on so easily and happily with her life it kills me, not that i dont want her to be happy i really do, but its the fact that its without me. Weve also been in slight contact mainly through text, like once a week/fortnight mainly just about random stuff but after every time of speaking to her i feel so hurt again. She text me last nite asking if i had 1 of her dvds she was looking to watch and it ended up with me ringing her in tears saying how much i miss her, and how hard im finding it to move. She says she still loves me and feels guilty but she's happy and wishes i could move on and be the same. She really wishes we could be friends but i said i cant its to hard as i cant even think about her without feeling hurt..and what if as friends she decides to kiss someone else or do whatever.. it will ruin me, so i text her today and says i woke up feeling so down and that i need to go full no contact with her for me to finally try and move on, but i stilll love her and told her to go on enjoying her life. I just wish i could to, but its so hard. Ive to much time on my hands everyday to dwell on things and without much to do or many friends available, i just dont see a way out. Would really appreciate it, if someone can relate to this and show me that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and i can get there. Thanks for reading.
TopCat22 Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 I know how you feel. Time is a killer. I run my own business (mainly from home) and it's very quiet at the moment, meaning I have a lot of spare time. My friends are all over the country and almost all are married and have kids, so difficult to hang out with. It's tough but you need to find some things to distract you. I've started playing golf and going to the gym a lot. It doesn't take my mind totally off her, but it helps. You need to find small things to look forward to. I'm eating healthy all week and am looking forward to some fish and chips on friday as a treat. Very small thing but it helps. Find enough of those small things to look forward to you'll find yourself in a better mood and thinking about her less. It also sounds like you do need to go full NC. You're not ready to talk to her as a friend. Things will get better, they just take time. There is no quick remedy. Read the stories on the site and relpy to others, you'll find you are not alone and everybody survives the heartbreak.
JayL Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 (edited) You made the right decision by going absolutely no contact and I hope that you stick with this. Otherwise, you'll be going on a loop and never move on. You need her out of your life for good. If it is meant to be, one day she will be back, if not, then you'll meet someone who wants the same things in life as you do. We all go through that, in fact, mine was similar. She loves her life so much, going out with friends, her freedom etc. That I felt neglected and last option in the relationship, hence she ended it. I gave her as much space and time as possible, I'm not clingy and don't need a lot of attention, but in a relationship, everyone wants to feel safe and they belong somewhere. I did not have that. It takes time for people of both genders to mature, some gets there earlier, some later, some never do. Your ex is young, she's at that stage in life and most likely won't be ready to get serious until she's in her late 20s. My ex is still at that same stage as your ex and she's turning 26 in January 2013. I doubt she will get to that mature point in a few years, it will probably take her longer or when all her friends that she parties with starts getting married and she realized that she's alone. The real problem in that though when that time comes is they will just settle and be in a relationship to "blend in" , not because they're ready and want it. What's worse is she made it sound like my fault as I was demanding too much. Move on, do things, go out, maybe you'll meet someone who deserves you and your love by doing things "for yourself". Edited October 3, 2012 by JayL
Author lost87 Posted October 3, 2012 Author Posted October 3, 2012 thanks guys, i know i really need to keep this no contact thing going because time after time me speaking to her feels like it sends me back to square one. I know its going to be really hard as i do get moments when i feel really lonely and just want to chat with her as i really wish i could be her friend, but i have to many feelings for her still and il never move on. My confidence and self esteem feels it has took a real blow so its difficult to get back out there and start living life again. I know i need to myself a job again to get some sort of structure to my day and gve me something else to think about, also going to try and hit the gym as often as i can throughout the week. Never thought loosing someone you love would have such an effect, but its life i suppose.
TopCat22 Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 You suddenly realise how much time you spent with them and now you have to fill that time with something else. You'll bounce back. It won't happen over night but you WILL get there. Work out, learn something new, it will help you feel better. Look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you are a strong, confident and good person.
Recommended Posts