bluefairy812 Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 (edited) it's going to be three months soon since my ex and i have been broken up after a 4 year relationship... i still have a hard time calling him my ex. since the breakup, i haven't been able to watch movies, listen to my favorite bands (which were his too), or eat at certain places because the pain is too much. i can't even drive or be in the same areas where he lives or hangs out in... i have been trying to do things 100% differently. even though i am not crying every single night anymore, i do still hurt. is this normal? Edited October 3, 2012 by bluefairy812
DavidG Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Although my break up is much newer than yours, it is indeed 100% normal. I live 4 blocks from my ex and am actually contemplating moving. I cant go to the same restaurants, I cant go to local events/festivals since I know her and her new bf will be there, I hurts to even walk my dog since we went on long walks every evening. My first heartbreak was the same and I actually did move (transferred to a different school). It sucks getting constant reminders of what you both shared. I have actually been staying at a relatives house 20 minutes away from home just to avoid the pain of the constant reminders of the past with her. You are not alone for sure and I am sorry you are going through this as well. 1
JayL Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 (edited) Same here... On Saturday, my friend celebrated her birthday at the restaurant where my ex and I went for our very first date. When things clicked for both of us and knew we wanted to see each other again and that same night decided to date exclusively. This got stuck in my head for days until last night I finally gave in and started crying after holding it in for so long. Her and I still have pictures together on my friend's Facebook page and I couldn't stop myself from staring at them while I was crying. I popped a bottle of wine, finished it myself last night, started watching a TV series that her and I used to watch together thinking that I'll be able to handle it, but I was wrong. I broke down again. Turned the TV off and drank more and passed out. This morning while getting ready for work, for some F'n reason, a piece of paper fell from my desk, looked at it and realized that it was the parking receipt for our first date. (Parking is not free in the place where I brought her, as it was the downtown area of the city where we live in). I took a deep breath, memories started rushing back in, the romantic and fun dinner we had, full of banters, laughter, then walk by the lakeside holding hands after dinner until midnight before we went to see a movie. I tore the receipt into pieces and just went with my day. While on the highway driving to work, I was zoned out and stayed in the lane where it takes me to the exit lane that goes straight to her street. Now, I'm bummed out... You're not alone..... It will all be over soon.... Time will heal the wounds... Edited October 3, 2012 by JayL 1
Calico Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 It's totally normal. I avoid places, things and activities that are emotionally connected to her, though in the past few days I've started to reclaim some of those. Mostly stuff that I had/did before she was in my life. "Playing dead" and running away is probably quite healthy for a while, but I think at some point we need to lift our chin up and refuse to give our exes control over how we live our lives even after they left us. Friends, both old and new, are and have been of tremendous help to me. I regret how much I neglected them, and doing stuff with them, when I was in my four years relationship with my ex. 2
Author bluefairy812 Posted October 3, 2012 Author Posted October 3, 2012 thank you so much for all of your words. just feels like i will never go back to doing those things again without wanting him to be next to me. little by little i suppose!
lovecash Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Yup, going through the exact same thing. We both lived/worked in NYC for the past 2 years and had an amazing time frolicking around all parts of the city and exploring. We just both moved across town to probably the most romantic part of the city less than a block away from each other. Then she dumps me literally the day after she helps me move in and set up my room. I've been trying to detach myself from her but literally everything I do and everywhere I go remind me of something I did with her......
MilitantPacifist Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 It's completely normal. When I split with my ex of four years 7 months ago, I was practically immobile for a while. Nothing I did had any flavor or held any interest for me, especially things we'd done together. But, stay strong with this thought: As time goes on you'll start to rediscover your own interests, the things you liked to do before the two of you got together. It'll more than make up for anything you've lost. I can't believe everything I gave up - my creative side essentially, but specifically writing my book, creating my website community, and hacking. I'm not sure I want another committed relationship because frankly if I end up with another person like my ex there's no way any woman would be worth sacrificing that again. 1
Author bluefairy812 Posted October 3, 2012 Author Posted October 3, 2012 Although my break up is much newer than yours, it is indeed 100% normal. I live 4 blocks from my ex and am actually contemplating moving. I cant go to the same restaurants, I cant go to local events/festivals since I know her and her new bf will be there, I hurts to even walk my dog since we went on long walks every evening. My first heartbreak was the same and I actually did move (transferred to a different school). It sucks getting constant reminders of what you both shared. I have actually been staying at a relatives house 20 minutes away from home just to avoid the pain of the constant reminders of the past with her. You are not alone for sure and I am sorry you are going through this as well. it sucks balls to go through this...i'm sorry your dealing with this as well. i moved out of our apartment and chose to move 20 miles away. its too much to live in the same neighborhood keep your head up:(
Author bluefairy812 Posted October 3, 2012 Author Posted October 3, 2012 Same here... On Saturday, my friend celebrated her birthday at the restaurant where my ex and I went for our very first date. When things clicked for both of us and knew we wanted to see each other again and that same night decided to date exclusively. This got stuck in my head for days until last night I finally gave in and started crying after holding it in for so long. Her and I still have pictures together on my friend's Facebook page and I couldn't stop myself from staring at them while I was crying. I popped a bottle of wine, finished it myself last night, started watching a TV series that her and I used to watch together thinking that I'll be able to handle it, but I was wrong. I broke down again. Turned the TV off and drank more and passed out. This morning while getting ready for work, for some F'n reason, a piece of paper fell from my desk, looked at it and realized that it was the parking receipt for our first date. (Parking is not free in the place where I brought her, as it was the downtown area of the city where we live in). I took a deep breath, memories started rushing back in, the romantic and fun dinner we had, full of banters, laughter, then walk by the lakeside holding hands after dinner until midnight before we went to see a movie. I tore the receipt into pieces and just went with my day. While on the highway driving to work, I was zoned out and stayed in the lane where it takes me to the exit lane that goes straight to her street. Now, I'm bummed out... You're not alone..... It will all be over soon.... Time will heal the wounds... wow, i really feel your pain with this. it's not easy by any means. i'm sorry, it hurts so bad! i too find myself alone, grieving, looking through old photos.. sometimes... its horrible... can't wait till this process is over. what are the odds that those things would happen to you? its those times of moments that mess with my head
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