Saba Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 (edited) Because despite what you may think or believe, the OW/OM is a person too... and we deserve to be treated as people. I have never requested that he hurt his wife, and it actually says a lot to me about a spouse that thinks that it's somehow going to ease her/his pain to want him to hurt the OW/OM. It speaks buckets about the weakness and lack of humanity that they'd want it and a WS that goes along with it, well...he's pretty pathetic. If he does it again and you took him back and encouraged him to treated her like that, I hope it's remembered that he can shut his feelings off if he needs to, and then you know he can do it to you. QUOTE] Wow... never said that OW/OM was not a person and I can assure you I don't think or believe they are less than a person! I pointed out that the cheating spouse is capable of causing real hurt (look at what they are willing to do to their family). I think it is quite logical that the needs of the BS would hit the top of the list if reconciliation is the goal. If the BS requires NC (which is logical) Wanting More does not get the 'breakup' that she wanted. It is not about how much he cared but rather where his focus is now. Edited October 4, 2012 by Saba Quote came out like normal text
mercy Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 Thank you. It is getting better everyday. It's been 6 weeks!!! And I'm still alive and breathing!!!!! Well, I will tolerate nothing less than breathing! Seriously, did you know that when you are under stress you don't breath correctly? You breathe shallow. So, deep breath in, slowly out. It will release your body of stress. Find two words, say one on in breath, second word on out breath. Do for a few minutes then ask yourself, who am I and what do I want. YOU WANT MORE! More love, for yourself, more love for yourself! want more..... You can pm me anytime. 3
frozensprouts Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 In the long run, you may have to accept that you will never get the kind of "closure" that you want...it may be hard to let it go, but with with letting go comes acceptance and the beginning of peace in your heart and mind... you'll get there...just keep going one day at a time...but take some time each day to think about how it's gotten even just a tiny bit easier...be kind to yourself, and though it may be hard to do, make sure you take some time each day to realize that there is still a big, wonderful, beautiful world out there just waiting for you 1
Author wanting more Posted October 5, 2012 Author Posted October 5, 2012 I am going to change some of my comments after reading your past threads. He is more selfish than I gave him credit for. I don't doubt that he loved you and may still love you, but he loves himself more. I also am certain that his wife is trying to make you the "bad guy" in all of this as a way to understand why her husband would do this to her. If she can convince herself that he was a helpless victim to the wiles of a persuasive woman, then she can better reconcile his actions. If she had to face the fact, which she knows to be true inside, that he chose to cheat on her for whatever reason, then her pain would be unbearable. I feel for her, too. One guy turned the world of two families upside down and perhaps partially ruined the lives of the children. Thank you. I Do understand her making me out to be the bad person. I accept that. I never really thought of him as selfish the entire R but can see now how much he really is.
Author wanting more Posted October 5, 2012 Author Posted October 5, 2012 In the long run, you may have to accept that you will never get the kind of "closure" that you want...it may be hard to let it go, but with with letting go comes acceptance and the beginning of peace in your heart and mind... you'll get there...just keep going one day at a time...but take some time each day to think about how it's gotten even just a tiny bit easier...be kind to yourself, and though it may be hard to do, make sure you take some time each day to realize that there is still a big, wonderful, beautiful world out there just waiting for you I know you're right about the closure. Thank you. One day at a time! one day at a time! And I do feel better now than I did 6 weeks ago so that makes me feel better. 2
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