Just smile Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Although my mind knows I was involved with a narcissistic commitment phobe man who was toxic to me. All I do is remember all the good sides of him and I instead of the bad which was a lot of. His callous insensitive way of disposing me as he's done over and over again, has left me feeling low.feeling sad and empty, I feel like I'm mourning a death. This pattern of us breaking up and getting back together has been like this for 3 years,...I've never reached out EVER during our no contact period. But each and every single time I do, even after changing numbers, blocking , avoiding etc.., he finds away to contact me. Yesterday I received four phone calls from a number in ever saw before, I didn't answer ..later, Curious who it was ,called it back from a blocked number and it said the number you are trying to reach is not in service. The last time he broke it off, he dropped off my clothes in a a garbage bag and left it at my house, when I didn't respond, he called,crying. I always caved. I'm lost, I'm going to see my therapist today.i want to regain control here, as I'm a mother with kids and need to be emotionally available to them and not some jerkoff who doesn't deserve my heart. Just looking for support,I'm feeling weak and alone ..
BornToDie Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 I was once involved (not for very long) with exactly what you described: "a narcissistic commitment phobe." It's easier to remember their good sides: he was good-looking, hilarious and a good time when he wanted to be... but bottom line, you have to remember that the narcissist only thinks about himself. Is he thinking about the way he's jerking your emotions around right now? No. Is he thinking about how it could be affecting your children? No. Don't answer his calls. Don't get in touch. Block everything. You are stronger than this. Surely, your therapist will give you more insight than I ever could; I know mine has worked wonders for me. Just remember: do you want your children to see this man emotionally abusing you this way and think that it's acceptable when they start involving themselves in romantic relationships?
Author Just smile Posted October 3, 2012 Author Posted October 3, 2012 Today is a bad day, just feeling very very sad. The thing is, he wasn't good looking. Maybe to me, but he was much older, overweight, bald, he often described himself as shrek. He had low self esteem and always thought I was gonna wake up and leave him for someone else. He was married two times. Once to a woman who left him for another man, and the second time married his girlfriend who he claimed he never loved, many years ago she became pregnant and he said married her because he thought it was the right thing to do, but never truly loved her, they're marriage ended ... He had many long term relationships prior to me ... Two I believe. All ended. I was the longest relationship he kept. He was probably THE most passionate man I have ever been with, when it was good it was GREAT.. When it was bad, it was really bad. He was insensitive, selfish, and only wanted to see me on his terms. He told me when my kids were with my ex husband he felt obligated to be with me. He told me he didn't want to be responsible for me. Wtf? He lost affection for me most recently,every time we got close, he pulled away, pushed me away, and became emotionally unavaibable tome. BUT..... Would have constant contact with his ex wife, and ex girlfriend from high schoo, and would insist on maintaining these friendships. I've told him on different occasions how I felt more so about the ex girlfriend who he slept with just a few months before our relationship began. And he continued to see her on a personal level as friends. Over and over again. Most recently taking me to her going away party,and feeling the need to stand up and give her a special speech.i wanted to crawl into a hole in die. These are the things he would do to me. I just need to vent . I need advice I need to feel empowered again.
River Rain Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 My ex toyed with my heart in the same way. He was very controlling and knew how to hook me back each time. But I was also quite weak and like you, kept caving. The constant cycle left my self-esteem and heart battered to a point where I felt like I would never find anyone as good as him. You are disposable to him, and you shouldn't be disposable to anyone who loves you and wants to make you happy - but you already know that. Definitely break off all contact and if he tries to contact you again, be stronger than you ever have because you know you'll fall for it again if you don't stand up for yourself and be kind to yourself for a change. Be selfish and think only of you and your kids. You don't need someone to treat you like you're simply a convenience when he's got the time or when he's lonely. You can definitely be strong. Write out all the bad points and keep the list handy. Don't dwell on it, because you obviously want to rid yourself of him, but it's good to remember the bad points and read them in moments of weakness. I hope that empowers you, if only for today.
Berna Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 I also felt this way, and then I read the book "Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl". Take your time to read it. It really opened my eyes!
Author Just smile Posted October 3, 2012 Author Posted October 3, 2012 Saw my therapist today and she suggested the same thing , writing down all negatives about him. Re read it every day she told me . She told me I'm co dependent. I went to Barnes and nobles to look for that book yesterday but it was not available .
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