GoBomb36 Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 I just started NC yesterday and my ex just texted me "Whatcha doing?" One, it is 6:45 in the am, and if I weren't absolutely crushed I'd be sleeping like a normal person. She's at work, so she's probably bored. What do I do?!?!?! Thanks, guys!
january2011 Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 You either text her back or you ignore, delete and block. Since you are doing NC, I vote for the latter.
Author GoBomb36 Posted October 3, 2012 Author Posted October 3, 2012 She became official with her new guy yesterday, and texts me this morning. Hopefully she does think we're friends right now when I'm pretty damn hurt. And I was advised by another to gather opinions if I were to be contacted by her before I put forth any type of action
KatZee Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 I'm really not sure what is so hard to comprehend about NC for some people. NC means NO CONTACT. NONE. ZIP. ZILCH. That means you don't respond to texts, emails, calls, Facebook posts, Tweets, Blogs, letters, smoke signals, drive-by's or any other form of contact from your ex significant other. Her contact is NOTHING of any substance. "Whatcha doing?" <-- what the f.uck is that? Delete it, block her number and go about your day. There is nothing to see here. She's already in a relationship with someone else, and trying to use you as her little emotional crutch. Cut the cord. She thinks because she's moved on and because you still were in contact that you're cool with it and you're a "friend." You're not. 4
TaraMaiden Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 If she's with someone else, she has no business contacting you. This is what is known as yanking your chain. It used to be a favourite form of torture during the World Wars. Keeping a captive utterly exhausted, and the moment they began to fall asleep, throwing freezing water on them to keep them awake. It was simple, but effective - and absolutely horrible and soul-crushingly cruel. Sleep deprivation is among one of the worst things to experience. She's literally depriving your healing of 'sleep'. Your best bet, right now, is to block her number and ignore her, completely. Read the "All-New Caliguy No Contact Guide" in my signature. It describes 'breadcrumb-throwing' perfectly. However, if you really want to get down on all fours and lick the breadcrumbs off the pavement, at her feet, go ahead and answer.
TopCat22 Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Very simple. You ignore her. She'll send more messages. You ignore those too. Keep ignoring her until she stops. Then ignore her some more. That aught to do it.
Author GoBomb36 Posted October 3, 2012 Author Posted October 3, 2012 Very true guys. But what will the ignoring do? Let's keep in mind that I do want her back.
Calico Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Very true guys. But what will the ignoring do? Let's keep in mind that I do want her back. You won't get her back, not in the the way how it was. Not only did you treat her poorly, apparently repeatedly so, but she is now with another guy. Even if you got back together, it is unlikely that it would last for long. This is like trying to glue together a broken vase, and I think that deep down you know that. I don't feel you are ready for NC. If you can't even last one day without talking to her, then you haven't hurt enough yet and don't want to get better. It'll happen, eventually. Wish you'd make it easier on yourself, but I needed several weeks of massive emotional self-cutting before it sunk in, too, so I understand. 1
TopCat22 Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 NC is all you can do now. If she is with someone else then I don't see how keeping in touch with her is going to help you get her back. If she contacts you later saying she wants to try again then great, but otherwise you're just helping her wean herself off you and helping her transition to the new guy. It's the hardest thing to do, but you need to assume it's over for good. Don't hope. I'm in a similar situation and my ex won't even respond to me (and I've barely sent her two texts in 2 months) and we ended on friendly terms. As tough as it is you just have to move on as best you can and maintain the NC. If she comes back, she comes back.
TaraMaiden Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Very true guys. But what will the ignoring do? Let's keep in mind that I do want her back. let's put it this way: Say you have a beautiful car. Then, some guy 'borrows' it off you, without your permission, and while he has it, he absolutely thrashes it, screws the motor, trashes the interior and completely phukks up the paintwork. The car - in short - is ruined. It's a virtual write-off, and getting it back to pristine is - well, frankly, impossible. Even if you did spend time, effort money and a huge investment in getting it back to pristine - it's never going to be the same; you're going to know some other guy took it off you, and ruined it, and no matter how much work went into it, it's never going to be the same again. You do not want this car back. You'll hate it, and resent how much you put into it. And because it's already been messed with big time, word has gotten around. And some other sneak thief has his eye on the wheels. I repeat: You do NOT want this car back. Cut your losses, and let it go. No Contact is a deliberate and precise exercise in GETTING OVER AND PAST SOMEONE. It's not a way of getting anyone back. If that's your aim, forget NC. But here's what you do: Go to a commercial hardware store, and buy a yard of razor-wire. Pass it up one nostril and down the other, and start flossing. Also, grind some glass and rub that into your eyes, and then stick hot needles under your nails. The pain of these things combined won't be quite as bad as the pain you'll feel when she starts messing with your mind and crushing your heart under her heel. After you're lying comatose on the pavement, and she's walked all over you, and shredded you to tattered pieces - come back to No Contact. We'll be here. 1
Author GoBomb36 Posted October 3, 2012 Author Posted October 3, 2012 Haha ok, so I caught the sarcasm there, but NC isn't going to help me get her back? Why in the heck would she text me? She has a boyfriend and said she's happy. I want her back, I don't want to be over her.
Author GoBomb36 Posted October 3, 2012 Author Posted October 3, 2012 let's put it this way: Say you have a beautiful car. Then, some guy 'borrows' it off you, without your permission, and while he has it, he absolutely thrashes it, screws the motor, trashes the interior and completely phukks up the paintwork. The car - in short - is ruined. It's a virtual write-off, and getting it back to pristine is - well, frankly, impossible. Even if you did spend time, effort money and a huge investment in getting it back to pristine - it's never going to be the same; you're going to know some other guy took it off you, and ruined it, and no matter how much work went into it, it's never going to be the same again. You do not want this car back. You'll hate it, and resent how much you put into it. And because it's already been messed with big time, word has gotten around. And some other sneak thief has his eye on the wheels. I repeat: You do NOT want this car back. Cut your losses, and let it go. No Contact is a deliberate and precise exercise in GETTING OVER AND PAST SOMEONE. It's not a way of getting anyone back. If that's your aim, forget NC. But here's what you do: Go to a commercial hardware store, and buy a yard of razor-wire. Pass it up one nostril and down the other, and start flossing. Also, grind some glass and rub that into your eyes, and then stick hot needles under your nails. The pain of these things combined won't be quite as bad as the pain you'll feel when she starts messing with your mind and crushing your heart under her heel. After you're lying comatose on the pavement, and she's walked all over you, and shredded you to tattered pieces - come back to No Contact. We'll be here. So you're saying I should respond to her text???
TaraMaiden Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Haha ok, so I caught the sarcasm there, but NC isn't going to help me get her back? Absolutely not, no way, no how, that's not what it's for. If that's why you're doing it, don't even bother. Why in the heck would she text me? Have you read the link in my signature, like I told you to? I guess not. It's called 'throwing breadcrumbs and has multi-purpose aims: One, it keeps her to the front of your mind, and stops you moving on. Two, That way, if she wants a rebound guy, someone on the back-burner, or the soft place to fall, she can confidently yank your chain, knowing you'll be at her feet like a devoted puppy lining up for another kicking. Three, it makes her feel less guilty about dumping you. She's your buddy now! Buddies get on! Buddies are friends! Buddies means it hasn't hit you too hard at all, or else you wouldn't be her friend-zoned buddy - would you? Huh! She has a boyfriend and said she's happy. Really? Great! in that case - leave them to it! How pissed off would you feel as her new BF if her ex was sitting on the sideline, drooling, waiting for another touch--down? Do you suppose she's told her current BF she's still got you held on a leash? I think not.... I want her back, I don't want to be over her. OK. Fine. Ignore us. we don't have a clue what we're talking about., Your situation is brand new, and we've never witnessed it before. we've never seen it all go pear-shaped. We've never seen people come back to the forum, time and time and time and time again, deeply hurt and saying "Helldammit, you guys were right!!" Nope. never seen this before, ever. (Yup. More sarcasm. )
TaraMaiden Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 so you're saying i should respond to her text??? no!!! i'm saying the complete, total opposite!!!!!
Calico Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 I want her back, I don't want to be over her. Okay ... *takes a deep breath* It does not matter what YOU want. You had your chance with her, more than once, and you blew it because you treated her badly. Now when she is with someone else, you want her back like a trophy. And no doubt you genuinely think and believe and feel that you are a changed man now. The truth is, you're not. If you were, you would not be so disrespectful of her decision to not want to be with you. For you, it's still all about yourself. What you want, what you need, what you lost, what you don't want. This is all about control and power, and not about love. (And maybe for her, too.) Your mindset strikes me like my father's, who beat up my mother, screamed at her, threatened her, treated her like complete s.hit, and when she finally had the courage to grab my baby-self and leave him because she could no longer handle the abuse, he wanted her back. He was sweet like he had been in the beginning, sent gifts, promised everything. And she didn't take him back, and I'm ever so grateful for her strength -- at a time (early 70s) when being a single mom was much harder than it is now. And when he realized he wouldn't get her back, he turned back into the spiteful, disrespectful jerk he had been. If he couldn't get "his property" back, he had to at least try to destroy it. I hope you'll get to a place where you can find the respect for her decisions and take the responsibility for the outcome of your previous actions. And sometimes that means that you have to suck it up and accept that some things cannot be fixed or repaired or made undone. Saying "I'm sorry" and then wanting everything back to how it was is unrealistic. Not everything can be undone. So start by taking responsibility for yourself and move on. Sorry for the bluntness here. I felt it may be beneficial to not beat around the bush.
Chi townD Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Okay,,,,now lets look outside the box on what a simple text like "whatcha doing" actually means in the context of recent events. "Whatcha doing" is a text to see where your heads at. She sends you a text at a time that she knows that you weren't doing anything. So why send it? She already knows your not doing anything. Here's whats going on. She made her new relationship public. She put it out there for everyone to see INCLUDING YOU. Now, a lot of women hate the fact that there might be a person on this planet that hates them or doesn't think that they are a nice person. So, she doesn't know where your heads at as far as her recent announcement of her new relationship (and especially after you sent her that sappy text),and she probably knows that you're pretty hurt right now. So, she WANTS to engage in a conversation with you. She's feeling guilty and wants to get you talking. Because she's going fishing and if you bring up the fact that you saw her status update, BAM! She hooked you. She can now unload her guilt. "I'm sorry you saw that, but it is what it is. I gave you every opportunity but you didn't take it. However, I do care about you and what happens to you and I HOPE WE CAN STILL BE FRIENDS!" You know what you need to do. Block her on Facebook. That would answer her question. " He blocked me on Facebook? I guess that's what he's doing."
Author GoBomb36 Posted October 3, 2012 Author Posted October 3, 2012 Oh no, no offense taken at all. And all of.the things you guys say are valid. I suppose its just a thing of knowing what went on behind closed doors in the beginning, and how great it was. And believe me, I've taken responsibility for my mistakes. Its just tough when you get a text less than 24 hours after you decided to do no contact
DavidG Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Dude it hurts me to read your posts. We have identical situations but please listen to these guys. Its over man. Her words mean nothing. I cant sleep, eat, workout, or anything man. I think about her literally 24 hours a day. I cant stop looking at her fb or any other methods she has available to see. She was a model and has a personal website with amazing pictures of herself and I torture myself daily by looking at them. I'm ****ed up man, just like you are. But when it comes down to it, both of our girls left us. They are gone. There is NOTHING we can do except for to move on. Everyone is dead on. Delete her man and don't look back. Under no circumstances respond to anything. She's playing games with you bro. She as well as my ex have someone else to occupy their lives with now and whether or not they are 100% happy with them, they are more than likely not coming back to us. You've got to accept it bro. Everyone here knows what they are talking about. I'm sorry brother. Your not alone.
Author GoBomb36 Posted October 3, 2012 Author Posted October 3, 2012 Okay,,,,now lets look outside the box on what a simple text like "whatcha doing" actually means in the context of recent events. "Whatcha doing" is a text to see where your heads at. She sends you a text at a time that she knows that you weren't doing anything. So why send it? She already knows your not doing anything. Here's whats going on. She made her new relationship public. She put it out there for everyone to see INCLUDING YOU. Now, a lot of women hate the fact that there might be a person on this planet that hates them or doesn't think that they are a nice person. So, she doesn't know where your heads at as far as her recent announcement of her new relationship (and especially after you sent her that sappy text),and she probably knows that you're pretty hurt right now. So, she WANTS to engage in a conversation with you. She's feeling guilty and wants to get you talking. Because she's going fishing and if you bring up the fact that you saw her status update, BAM! She hooked you. She can now unload her guilt. "I'm sorry you saw that, but it is what it is. I gave you every opportunity but you didn't take it. However, I do care about you and what happens to you and I HOPE WE CAN STILL BE FRIENDS!" You know what you need to do. Block her on Facebook. That would answer her question. " He blocked me on Facebook? I guess that's what he's doing." Right, I see what you're saying. But she and I talked on the phone yesterday after it was placed on Facebook, and discussed it some. That's why I'm so confused. And she told me when we talked about mine and her situation all the time that it was draining, so that's when I decided on NC. Now, after the text, it has thrown me for a loop. Girls are crazy lol
Calico Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Its just tough when you get a text less than 24 hours after you decided to do no contact It will get worse, too! The key here, though, is this bit: "after you decided to do no contact". Key words being "you" and "decided". There is no "her" in this. If that is your decision, then you follow through with it regardless of what she does. That's the hard part. (My ex messaged me twice in the first three days of NC, telling me she missed me, wondered how long I'd not talk to her, worried about how I was. That's a hell of a lot "better" than "whatcha doing?". I broke and called her, and ... nothing had changed. She still didn't want me, seemed even MORE distant and numb than before. That was the last time we talked. Nearly a month of NC now and yes, it was tough and still is. But I'm getting better, and so will you.) 1
Author GoBomb36 Posted October 3, 2012 Author Posted October 3, 2012 Oh yeah, and she knew there was a possibility that I was at the gym training early this morning, so we have to take that into account t, also
TaraMaiden Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Girls only go on being crazy when guys keep responding and being bounced from A to Z. Quit responding. It's amazing how quickly you'll forget how crazy she is.
TaraMaiden Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Oh yeah, and she knew there was a possibility that I was at the gym training early this morning, so we have to take that into account t, also Taker NOTHING into account. Except how you are going to carry on with your life, and being perfectly whole without her. Forget what she thinks, knows, wants, is saying, is doing, is wondering, is playing at. She Doesn't Matter ANY MORE!!!
JayL Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 (edited) Haha ok, so I caught the sarcasm there, but NC isn't going to help me get her back? Why in the heck would she text me? She has a boyfriend and said she's happy. I want her back, I don't want to be over her. You want her back? How? Why? She left you for another man. Why would you want someone like her back? She already has a new boyfriend. As rough as this sounds, you've been chucked into the corner and she picked up someone else to be a part of her life, and yet, you still want to be a part of her life, but this time, as a doormat, not a boyfriend. Move on, you deserve better. Ignore her. I know it's hard, I know how hard it is... I'm still in pain and I was just crying last night, I wake up every morning before my alarm clock goes off with her stuck on my mind. I've been sleeping for only 3 to 4 hours each night it's been exactly 30 days now for me. I fall asleep at 2 to 3 in the morning, I wake up at 6 am and must get to work at 9 am. No matter where I go, her and I have been to, my bed, my couch, my car, the TV shows that I watched, I used to watch with her, the places where I go, I've gone to with her. So believe me when I say I absolutely know how it feels to get hurt, to want someone who no longer wants to be with you, someone who has proven to us that they no longer think of us and we do not even cross their minds, while they are in our minds every second of each day, but you must be strong and move on. Focus on what you can control. You can only control YOU. Edited October 3, 2012 by JayL 1
Chi townD Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Right, I see what you're saying. But she and I talked on the phone yesterday after it was placed on Facebook, and discussed it some. That's why I'm so confused. And she told me when we talked about mine and her situation all the time that it was draining, so that's when I decided on NC. Now, after the text, it has thrown me for a loop. Girls are crazy lol Okay, it really doesn't change anything. She may have felt guilty on how she handled speaking to you. SHe could feel guilty saying that it was draining to talk to you. I mean, that's kinda rude. If it's so draining to talk to you, then why text you? It makes no sense other than she feels bad, guilty...whatever you want to call it. HOWEVER! the way she feels right now isn't going to change the fact that she doesn't want to be with you. She just wants to make sure that what she said and done hasn't completely destroyed you so she doesn't have to feel guilty. I guarantee you if you said, "I'm good. Life is great." She would bother with you at all. Stay NC. Best way to get over her because here's the rub. She doesn't want to come back. Sorry to be blunt.....But, time to move on.
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