jay_1990 Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 (edited) A little background info, I'm 22 and she is 20. I was first attracted to her as she had a very timid, lovable nature which I think is what drew me in. Our friendship developed until we became more than friends. Once I'd told her how I felt (and she said she felt the same), it was like it flipped a switch in her head and she changed. The start was what you could call the honeymoon period but very quickly things turned sour. She would talk about other men in front of me, past the point of neutrally pointing out someone is good looking, the best way I can describe it is just to say when she said it I knew it was more than that. This made me feel like crap and started to chip away at my self esteem. I started to feel sick in my stomach a lot around her and emotionally numb because of this behaviour. Whenever I'd bring it up, she'd say she didn't mean anything by it and that she liked it when I got jealous. After a while I became anxious about telling her how her complimenting other men made me feel, I think out of fear of spoiling everything and it'd push her away. I became very intimidated by her. I believed she was perfect and couldn't believe my luck that I had her, she would make a point out of telling me she wouldn't meet other men alone to be faithful to me, but this stopped quickly and it became clear she was doing just that. She would go on nights out and tell me about the men she'd met and I acted like it didn't bother me because I was scared to say it did. Once I made it clear I loved her, she started to withdraw her affection. She would stop texting me in the morning and didn't seem to want to spend time with me and I felt like I was a chore for her. I started to feel like I wasn't good enough for her. She would do many, many things that hurt me, from asking me to come and see her and then changing her mind saying that she wanted to take things slowly, to saying I was "innocent" because I was nervous about dirty talking with her, that really patronised me and made me feel like a baby. I would spot signs that she wanted to get back with her ex including messages she'd post online when it was his birthday, wishing him a happy birthday and calling him by names like "baby". When I brought it up she completely denied it, it was as if it didn't happen. I started to doubt my own sanity at this point. She told me she didn't want her ex to find out about us and would speak to him on the phone when she was meant to be with me. Throughout all of this she would occasionally give me a bit of affection which would make me think everything was fine, it'd be a glimmer of hope, only for her to revert back to type, she'd distance herself from me and then pull me back in. Eventually she told me she couldn't be how I wanted her to be because she's upset about a family problem. She ended it. Then a couple of days later she was back with her ex. We had a brief period of no contact before all of this happened again (minus the ex thing) and she ditched me again. From the start to here the timespan was 1 year. I would constantly notice her lying but never pulling her up on it because I didn't want things to go bad. There are so many things she did I cannot remember them all. For the best part of 1 year I have been no contact with her yet she still contacts me with meaningless lies, ranging from "I miss you cutie" to quoting things I wrote to her in a letter I gave her. I feel she's doing this to try and get me to respond. She had a boyfriend for a few months earlier this year, during which time she kept trying to contact me, sending me long flirtacious emails and texting me. Because of how this has affected me I have lost weight and started binge drinking regularly. Every time she texts my phone with another attempt at getting me to respond I want to let her know how angry I feel and how I know about all the lies. She doesn't know how I actually feel as I've remained extremely composed through everything. This has been going on for about a year now and it's driving me mad. I am over her but I am not over the way she treated me. I believe she has BPD, many things point to this, she is very narcissistic and manipulative and incapable of genuine empathy. I just wish I could stop being angry and depressed over all of this. Edited October 3, 2012 by jay_1990
Balzac Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Welcome to LS. Lots of experienced folks here, very friendly too. Vent here!! My first Q is why have you resisted changing your phone number? Second is: have you sought support to modify drinking?
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