5 months later....I am angry and I want to contact him to tell him off should i?

[oneday1987]

its been five months...

and I feel like my whole life is dimmer... all the lies are finally sinking in and I am pissed off...i want to call him and scream or write an email telling him off...

i know it is immature but I am so sad... i can hardly breathe... i wake up crying everyday...

 

what should i do...?

 

i have moved on... i just want to be able to voice myself..

he screwed me over and over and i hate him...

[Exit]

It only gives that person more power and satisfaction when 5 months down the line they get some random contact and find out that they're still having such an impact on your life. Don't do it.

 

You can write it all out if you want to, but only if you have the willpower to not send it. Getting it out of your system, and contacting him, are two separate things. You can get it out of your system without having to get in touch with him.

 

I know in a perfect world it would be so satisfying to tell people how they've wronged us but unfortunately it doesn't really work that way. It'll just put more power into their hands rather than put them in their place.

 

Some would even say it's more powerful to figure out how to reach forgiveness than to unleash your anger. I know that seems impossible in some cases.

[TaraMaiden]

its been five months...

and I feel like my whole life is dimmer... all the lies are finally sinking in and I am pissed off...i want to call him and scream or write an email telling him off...

i know it is immature but I am so sad... i can hardly breathe... i wake up crying everyday...

 

what should i do...?

 

i have moved on... i just want to be able to voice myself..

he screwed me over and over and i hate him...

 

Er...no....You haven't 'moved on'. You're still very much in the depths of the healing process, and it's going to hurt, as long as you cling.

You will know you'll have moved on when you can think of him with complete neutral indifference.

 

For now, your insides are still churning and if you contact him, in any way, for any reason - please believe me - you'll find yourself back at square one.

And you do NOT want to go there.

 

Vent here. Write to him here. Scream at him here.

But whatever you do, don't even think of doing it in his direction.

 

'That way lies perdition'.

[River Rain]

I held so much anger for my ex. I kept wanting to send him my thoughts in order to be heard. But what I did instead was to write it all out until I couldn't write any more. I have a fireplace, so I burned the papers after, it was symbolic, to annihilate the anger out of my system. I'm still angry to a small degree, but it's more because I feel humiliated that he did certain things to me. Definitely don't contact him ever again, it will keep that anger and hurt festering. You have to move on from him, and personally, I think that last step is to release the anger, and somehow find a way to forgive him. Not to let him get away with things, but forgive him for you. Think of some way to feel compassion or pity for him, but with no anger involved. Once you get to that stage, you'll be over him. Easier said than done, but it can be done.

[lovejoy41]

I totally agree with what everyone else has said. Don't give him that power by even contacting & insulting him. He may either avoid answering or say something that will make you even more upset. You've made 5 months worth of progress. Why go backwards now? What goes around comes around, so you leave him in the hands of karma, fate, God, or whatever. I'm only 3 months in and I occasionally have those vent moments.

 

I usually can call up a couple of my close friends and vent and get it out. Most recently though I vented right on here. Matter of fact, it was just yesterday. So, write it out on here and vent or call up someone close to you who you know will be willing to listen but like everyone said just don't contact him. B/U's are never easy. You're angry and I totally understand but give it time, it will pass and you will find yourself not even thinking about it after a while. Or you will at least be feeling a whole lot better than you are right now.

[msfreebyme]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/117844-post-here-instead-contacting-your-ex

 

You're very welcome

Helped me a whole ton..and it's where I went for my venting

See you on the forum =)

[D-Lish]

its been five months...

and I feel like my whole life is dimmer... all the lies are finally sinking in and I am pissed off...i want to call him and scream or write an email telling him off...

i know it is immature but I am so sad... i can hardly breathe... i wake up crying everyday...

 

what should i do...?

 

i have moved on... i just want to be able to voice myself..

he screwed me over and over and i hate him...

 

I'd say silence is golden. If someone isn't chasing you, isn't worth your attention to seek THEM!

 

Be the prize, not the option. Never be an option.

[oneday1987]

I wrote a longer reply, but I lost the page....anyway. THANK YOU for the advice!

I kept strong, fell into a depression( that is why I took so long to reply) and came out of it only to get a notification that my ex was viewing my linkedin ( its a professional social network where you find jobs, post resume etc.) so it tells you who has viewed your profile, because it could be a future employer or w.e.

 

it doesnt have the privacy of facebook cuz they assume people arent going to creep on it.

 

 

so he decided to look me up, and i just knew he was going to call... and he did a day later. at 12 am....

 

i have not called back becuz... seeing his number caused me to go into a host of feelings...the crying ...oh the crying then anger.

so do u think i should call back or keep ignoring him?

 

 

I swear i had something better written... forgive the typos i need to get to work.

 

thank you all again for your kindness and support.

[geegirl]

You are asking if you should call him back?

 

I don't know your story but if you feel you should jump like a dog whenever this guy snaps his finger, please pick up the phone and call him. Give him another chance to treat you badly.

 

Calls you at 12AM with no message and you're asking if you should call back? Yes, please teach him that he doesn't have to put much effort into you to send you scurrying after him. You don't deserve a call at a decent hour? And if his contact has no substance, as in what he just did, stay back and keep NC. He has nothing important to convey to you.

 

Keep ignoring him. You're nowhere near to healing or capable of handling contact.

 

And he checked your LinkedIn because dumpers get curious to see where the dumpee is and how they're doing. Looking for an ego stroke. That's all it is.

[Exit]

I pretty much agree with geegirl.

 

I know it will be hard to resist finding out what it is that he called about. But so many people have been in your position before, just to call the person back, and find them acting all flaky, saying they were just calling to see how you were doing, or to ask if you still had something that belongs to them, or they dialed the wrong number. Calling at the hour that he did almost seems like the perfect setup for that, he might have figured that you wouldn't answer at that hour and now the ball is in your court to call him back. The second he sees you calling him back, he gets the satisfaction, he knows he hooked you. I know you will agonize over the 1% chance that maybe he called for a good reason, and you want to know what it is. But try to look at it this way, if it is important, he will call again, or find some other way to try to reach you. If he just calls once and leaves you hanging, it's probably a sign that he wasn't calling for the right reasons. If you're at all like me I know it will eat at you to wonder if you missed an opportunity to talk to him or have an important conversation.... but try not to give in. The choice is ultimately yours though. Do what you feel is best, we just don't want you to get burned.