lostintn89 Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Alright, back in January I broke up with my girlfriend who I had been with for close to four years, and we had known each other probably 7 or 8 years before we started dating. We had been having some problems, most of it was my fault, but one of her issues was that she had gotten to where she HAD to be by my side 24/7. HAD TO BE. It didn't matter what I did, she pitched a fit if she wasn't there. She has been depressive her whole life, it runs in her family, had tried meds to no avail so she just gave up. I chalked this up to being part of that and kept on and kept on suggesting she give the medicine one more shot. She wouldn't hear of it. I offered to pay for a Dr/psych visit but she would not have it. Finally one night I just told her that I couldn't be with someone that was going to be like this the rest of her life that wouldn't help herself. I just wanted a break for my own sanity. I still feel like the biggest ******* on the face of the earth for ending it this way. I knew I hurt her and I felt terrible about it and still do to some extent. I just wanted her to get help and the only way I knew that she would do it is if I broke up with her. Well, a week later she went to the dr and was prescribed anxiety/depression meds. Fast forward to a week after she gets the medicine, we are out getting a bite to eat. She is CONSTANTLY on her phone texting away. So I ask who she's texting and she replies with a mutual friend. So I text the mutual friend and what do you know? It's not her that she is texting. So I let that slide that she lied about it. Next weekend rolls around and she said she wanted to go out with some of her friends "since I wanted space". Anyway at some point over this weekend we end up getting into a pretty bad argument. I can't remember what it is about now, but that's unimportant. I don't think we talked for probably 3 to 4 weeks. Sometime within this 3 to 4 week period, I talk to another mutual friend that went out with her that weekend of the argument. Turns out, they went out to eat, then went to a bar and met up with this guy that she had been talking to since we broke up. So I don't say anything to her about it. We text here and there but it normally ends up in a fight, mainly because she owes me money (for a doctor bill) and doesn't have it. She tells me she doesn't think we can be friends and doesn't want any contact with me but we continue text on and off for the next few months. We finally get on better terms, I guess the bitterness ends between us. I ask her if she wants to get breakfast so she can give me my stuff back. Her new (now) boyfriend says he doesn't think that's a good idea blah blah blah. So I just meet her at work and get it. She still owes me the money. Throughout this time period, I have had hell trying to get over her. I can't get her off my mind. Just a million different thoughts go through me daily about her and our relationship and I absolutely cannot stand it. It's not easy having a constant black cloud linger over you because you still have feelings about someone and can't get them off your mind. So we finally meet up and I get the money and we just stand there talking for the longest. Just laughing and having a good time. Then we leave and we continue texting on and off occasionally. I haven't seen her for the next couple months. Her birthday rolls around and I call her to wish her happy birthday...............and we stay on the phone for the longest just talking and talking. Of course I'm still having feelings for her at this time. Well, last weekend, after not hearing much of anything from her since her birthday (several weeks ago), I'm the DD for some of my friends, went and picked them up from the bar and am driving them back home. We pass a gas station and I see her walking in the gas station (she doesn't see me, I have a new car since she last saw me). I don't make any effort to contact her, no horn blow, no text message, no phone call. I get to his house and get a phone call. It's her just checking on me and making sure I'm okay cause she hadn't heard from me for a while. I tell her I'm not up to much, just driving them home. We talk on the phone about 30 minutes. Just small talk. Next thing I know, she is pulling in the driveway and we talk for another 30 minutes. I ask about her current boyfriend and she says he's at home with his friends. And she throws in the fact that they went looking for rings but he hasn't proposed or anything....but she doesn't say it with any kind of emotion at all...just like she isn't too thrilled about it. I ask her how they're doing and she says it just has its ups and downs. The rest of our conversation reminded me of when we first actually started dating. Just her expression and constant smile while she is talking to me reminded me of how she acted at the beginning of our relationship. I also don't understand why she was so eager to come see me when she knows he would flip out like the last time I mentioned her seeing me to get my stuff back? I just don't know what to do with it at this point. From the outside looking in, she doesn't seem happy with him, although of course on her Facebook and everything else she seems just peachy about it. I don't know what to think at this point. Obviously I am still not over her and would love to get back with her. I just don't know if she feels the same way. Judging by the way she was acting the other night, from her expressions etc it seems like she may feel the same way but I'm not sure. I replay me ending it in my head every day and hate it cause I never wanted it to be like this, there are a few things I could have done differently, looking back on it. Sometimes I wonder if the reason it is so hard for me to get over is because we were friends for so long before dating. It's almost like I lost my best friend when I lost her. Sometimes I wonder how she started dating someone else so soon to us ending it but honestly I think it was just because of her illness...she had to have someone else there to make her happy...she was dependent on me but since I was gone she had to "replace" me so to speak. From what I can tell and what I've heard through our mutual friends, this new medicine she is on has really helped her out. I just don't know where to go from here. I talked to one of my friends about it and he thinks her stopping and us having that little chat was a sign that she misses being with me and just around me in general. I don't know. I know what I would like to do but am afraid to do it.....I guess I'm afraid of what she will say. Any ideas?
BornToDie Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 I definitely don't think you were wrong in breaking up with her the way you did. It was harsh, sure, but would she have gone and gotten help had you continued to deal with her depression? Probably not. Would you have been happy dealing with it? Definitely not. She still would have been dependent on you, and you would still have been annoyed by her clinginess. You hurt her, but you probably also gave her a wakeup call. Bottom line, you breaking up with her was for the best. She was able to realize she needed help. As for the boyfriend, you really need to have a talk with her about it. It isn't fair at all for her to string you AND him along when you clearly still aren't over her. She can't have her cake and eat it, too. I've talked to many guys in this situation with their ex (I was even the ex in the situation once). These girls come back around while they still have boyfriends, and it isn't fair to either of you. When I was the girl in the situation, I chose the boyfriend I was with because he was my safety net. We weren't happy at all, but it was easier for me to keep going with something that seemed safe and stable rather than step out of my comfort zone and risk trying again with my ex. Sure, we seemed peachy on FB, but who wants to sound miserable? She needs to realize that if she's unhappy with the guy she's with, if she stays with him, she may eventually end up single anyways. IMO, it's best to try it out with you rather than to lead you along, push you away, and end up alone anyhow. 1
Chi townD Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 Well, here's the rub. She's with someone else now. I can only speculate that this is the person that she was texting when she lied to you. And I'm assuming that this is the person she met up with when she went out with "her friends". Dude, she already had one foot out the door. And those arguements that she had with you? I wouldn't put it completely on the medication. See it's easier to cheat on someone if your mad that them. She could justify it in her head then. "I wouldn't be doing this if he treated me better." Funny thing is, she's probably the one that started most of the fights. Dude, don't put your life on hold for someone that tossed you to the curb. Regardless if she made a mistake by hooking up with this dude. That's a mistake that she has to live with because you don't. Dude, I think it's time to move on. 1
TaraMaiden Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 Sorry... Yo haven't implemented and stuck to No Contact over this woman..... because? She has sooo 'left the building' yet you're still 'shining her shoes'...? Really. Quit. Go No Contact. Stay No Contact, and do not lick breadcrumbs off the soles of her boots. You don't know where they've been....
Lisa_Lisa Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 I know it's tough, but don't get your hopes up. She's with this new guy and he's her new crutch. If you had never broken up with her she'd still be the clingy, desperate, annoying girl you wanted to get rid of. Sometimes people need to fall so they can rise higher. Since you guys were friends before lovers, maybe, just maybe you can go back to that, but feeling like you're feeling right now, it's just not going to happen. Ex's can only be friends when they don't have any romantic feelings for each other.
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