Marine0311 Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Well, I've posted a few threads. We've been broken up for about 5 weeks and broke up on good terms due to us being in different phases of our lives (her away in college/ me being a Marine). I don't contact her and over the past 5 weeks I hear from her here and there. I am moving forward everyday, but of course I still miss her because she was my best friend. Everyone experiences dating their first love/best friend and it's so hard to let them go. Anyways, she called me over the weekend telling me how she's missed my voice/me (pretty sure she was drunk) and then on Mondayntelling me how she wanted a tattoo, but called because its my opinion that matters. We haven't once talked about "us" and I don't plan to, I plan to play it cool until I see her in person. Anyways, why does she do stuff like that; call me, keep in touch with my family, etc. She didn't want to be in the relationship anymore and it bothers me a lot that she still is hanging in my life barely. I love her and don't want to say Ef off, but at the same time I feel like Ishould just go complete NC instead of playing it cool with her. I'm just confused and don't know what to do
NavyAirTraffic Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Sorry to hear your situation. I'm a vet and thanks for serving. You need to go no contact and fast!! Unless there is a real possibility of moving her out to where you are stationed and resuming your relationship, or can accept that you are JUST friends (yes hearing about her going on dates), then this might end badly for you. She keeps contacting you because there is nobody that has replaced you (yet). She might genuinely be holding out for you, but in time this will change, and you'll know when it does. Her call volume will change or just stop calling entirely, only to reappear when that relationship has gone array. You're living the situation so you know much better than me, these are just my 2 cents. Good luck!
River Rain Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 My ex kept coming in and out of my life, and it made it terribly hard to get over him, he was selfish in that way. He was trying to hold on to me, but in his case he was very controlling. She is holding on to you. I agree that no contact is the only way to move on. It's hard though when you still have feelings for a person. 1
Svet74 Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 My ex kept coming in and out of my life, and it made it terribly hard to get over him, he was selfish in that way. He was trying to hold on to me, but in his case he was very controlling. She is holding on to you. I agree that no contact is the only way to move on. It's hard though when you still have feelings for a person. Yup same thing happened with me. NC is the best thing ive ever done. GOt my power and control back. Now he just watches me from the side, my happiness, and he cant do anything about it.
flitzanu Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Well, I've posted a few threads. We've been broken up for about 5 weeks and broke up on good terms due to us being in different phases of our lives (her away in college/ me being a Marine). I don't contact her and over the past 5 weeks I hear from her here and there. I am moving forward everyday, but of course I still miss her because she was my best friend. Everyone experiences dating their first love/best friend and it's so hard to let them go. Anyways, she called me over the weekend telling me how she's missed my voice/me (pretty sure she was drunk) and then on Mondayntelling me how she wanted a tattoo, but called because its my opinion that matters. We haven't once talked about "us" and I don't plan to, I plan to play it cool until I see her in person. Anyways, why does she do stuff like that; call me, keep in touch with my family, etc. She didn't want to be in the relationship anymore and it bothers me a lot that she still is hanging in my life barely. I love her and don't want to say Ef off, but at the same time I feel like Ishould just go complete NC instead of playing it cool with her. I'm just confused and don't know what to do firstly, thanks for serving. secondly, yes you should go NC. she's stringing you along, simple as that. as you said you were best friends, and if she didn't want the relationship, that isnt' fair for her to keep you on a leash as her friend knowing how you feel. cut her out. if she wants in your life, make her deserve to be there, don't just be there as her fallback.
I'm nuts Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 She keeps contacting you because there is nobody that has replaced you (yet). Don't be too sure, if they loved you enough they will still contact you even when with another.
Author Marine0311 Posted October 4, 2012 Author Posted October 4, 2012 Thanks for all the responses! I've read a lot about being strung along and too be honest it doesn't seem like its that.. She texted me today saying I miss you and blahblahblah but I didn't answer. My two cents is that maybe she knows a relationship is unrealistic right now with me leaving soon for a year and her busy with school. But then again one would think with me deploying soon for a year shed want as much time in my life as possible. I can't judge the situation too well, but I'm going to go strict NC for two weeks and see how she reacts! If she's blowing up my phone and constantly texting me and calling I'll talk to her after two weeks, but if not then I'm just gunna stay NC. I asked her today if she wants to come out to Hawaii for the marine corps ball but she didn't answer it. That shows maybe I am being strung along. I'm just trying to be rational becausenI don't want to lose her for good, but I dont want to be strung along. There's not much I can do now, but hopefully when I go home I'll visit her at school or shell be home. Just wish she wasn't so confusing!
Cl0udy Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 Wow I feel like I have so much in common with your girl. (track team, college etc etc) Best advice. Let her go. It hurts to see my Marine go too. I love him and I only want was is best for him. If its his freedom that he wants before he leave to qunatico than I will give it to him. He is partying and hooking up with girls. Recently a friend showed me a pic of him and another girl. There is nothing I can do, but accept it. If she loves you she will always be there. The thing about being in the military is that there is only so much you can do to prove to her how much you love her. She has to understand that you won't be there 365. Being in a similar situation I would wright her a letter if she doesn't want to see you and send it through mail. At the end of the day Marine she will remember you as her first love as well. No one can get in the way of your first love. The reason she is being cold and distant is because she is hurting. She is focusing on her self to not feel your distance. I like your mentality. You seem to be in love with her. I know it's hard but let her go if that is what she wants. If it hurts you when she communicates with you than that when you do no contact. How long have you been together?
flitzanu Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 Thanks for all the responses! I've read a lot about being strung along and too be honest it doesn't seem like its that.. She texted me today saying I miss you and blahblahblah but I didn't answer. My two cents is that maybe she knows a relationship is unrealistic right now with me leaving soon for a year and her busy with school. But then again one would think with me deploying soon for a year shed want as much time in my life as possible. I can't judge the situation too well, but I'm going to go strict NC for two weeks and see how she reacts! If she's blowing up my phone and constantly texting me and calling I'll talk to her after two weeks, but if not then I'm just gunna stay NC. I asked her today if she wants to come out to Hawaii for the marine corps ball but she didn't answer it. That shows maybe I am being strung along. I'm just trying to be rational becausenI don't want to lose her for good, but I dont want to be strung along. There's not much I can do now, but hopefully when I go home I'll visit her at school or shell be home. Just wish she wasn't so confusing! you seem like a practical guy with common sense, consider what the most LIKELY answer is, not the fantastical theories and thoughts you want to have about it. what does your gut tell you?
Author Marine0311 Posted October 5, 2012 Author Posted October 5, 2012 @ cloudy, I'm turning 20 she's 18 (I was a junior, she was a sophomore in HS) and we've been pretty much together since. We've known each other since we were 12. I do love her a lot, but I care for her happiness as well and that's why I'm not freaking out. She texted me today but I did not answer. I'm going to let her miss me a bit. @fiatzu (sorry I forgot what ur name was baha I can't go back and look or else I'll lose my typing) I feel different, mixed between two feelings. My gut is telling me she still loves me and once we see each other come thanksgiving things will go right back to how they were, but another part of me feels like she's prob with new dudes in college doing whatever and I'll have no clue! It's a hard feeling to deal with
NoMoreJerks Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 My ex kept coming in and out of my life, and it made it terribly hard to get over him, he was selfish in that way. He was trying to hold on to me, but in his case he was very controlling. She is holding on to you. I agree that no contact is the only way to move on. It's hard though when you still have feelings for a person. Hey River Rain, I am curious -- why do you think he was holding on to you? As in, he had gotten kinda emotionally attached but didn't want the responsibilities that a relationship entailed, or as in, wanting to keep you attached to him in case other options didn't pan out? I am curious because I feel like my ex (a guy) is doing the same thing to me.
Recommended Posts