JustALittleBit Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 I never felt special to him, he didn't want to have deep conversations and when we weren't meeting up in person we would only communciate through text, he would get annoyed if something upset me, he never told me how he felt about me, hardly ever complimented me... I always felt like I didn't fit into this ideal mould he has in his head and felt bad about myself. I can't believe I stayed. I don't think I have low self esteem, I just didn't know what I was doing, and I don't know why it works this way but the longer we were together the more attached I got and the more I just wanted him to love me back. I thought maybe it would just take time. I don't know, I think he was dealing with some of his own stuff but it makes me sad. It makes it worse that even though we're broken up I still hope that maybe one day he will realise. Even though that's probably just for my ego because I don't think I'd want to go back there. Anyone else been here before?
Balzac Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 I can't believe I stayed. I don't think I have low self esteem It sure reads like you do. I say that comment in the most empathetic way. Why do you need his validation? He was emotionally unavailable thus unable to meet your basic human needs. I'm glad you extricated yourself. You stayed too long and it's best to not wonder nor imagine what he thinks now.
JayL Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 I never felt special to him, he didn't want to have deep conversations and when we weren't meeting up in person we would only communciate through text, he would get annoyed if something upset me, he never told me how he felt about me, hardly ever complimented me... I always felt like I didn't fit into this ideal mould he has in his head and felt bad about myself. I can't believe I stayed. I don't think I have low self esteem, I just didn't know what I was doing, and I don't know why it works this way but the longer we were together the more attached I got and the more I just wanted him to love me back. I thought maybe it would just take time. I don't know, I think he was dealing with some of his own stuff but it makes me sad. It makes it worse that even though we're broken up I still hope that maybe one day he will realise. Even though that's probably just for my ego because I don't think I'd want to go back there. Anyone else been here before? Yup! Me! It's the 30th day of her and I walking different paths. I don't know what she's been up to... I just wish and hope that she's happy, whatever she's doing and whoever she's doing. I hope that if she's with someone now... I really do hope that she treats him right, because she treated me like sh*t, which is similar to what you just described.
Author JustALittleBit Posted October 3, 2012 Author Posted October 3, 2012 Hmmm it's just really difficult trying to sort through it. I think there are areas I could work on with my self esteem, I'd say its "okay". Good would probably be an exaggeration because sometimes it's bad, so in between = okay/normal. For so long I thought I just couldn't accept what he gave me, and then at the end I realised it really wasn't me, it was him being emotionally unavailable and hardly giving me anything in the first place. He just insisted throughout our relationship that he DID want to be with me etc. if I questioned it. He held back from really giving me himself. I don't know, I'm not sure where to start on improving myself. If it is just that I need to trust myself more, or what. Also don't really want to therapy or anything, are there any more practical solutions I could do myself?
JSJS Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 I never felt special to him, he didn't want to have deep conversations and when we weren't meeting up in person we would only communciate through text, he would get annoyed if something upset me, he never told me how he felt about me, hardly ever complimented me... I always felt like I didn't fit into this ideal mould he has in his head and felt bad about myself. I can't believe I stayed. I don't think I have low self esteem, I just didn't know what I was doing, and I don't know why it works this way but the longer we were together the more attached I got and the more I just wanted him to love me back. I thought maybe it would just take time. I don't know, I think he was dealing with some of his own stuff but it makes me sad. It makes it worse that even though we're broken up I still hope that maybe one day he will realise. Even though that's probably just for my ego because I don't think I'd want to go back there. Anyone else been here before? I think I've been there too. I'll probably never know why I put up with it, I don't think I have low self esteem but maybe I do... Part of me thinks I just wanted to make it work and that made me blind to some of her behaviours. I know what you mean by saying you hope they will realise. I wouldn't go back either but probably would feel better if I heard her apologise or beg me to come back. In this case she won't do either - she had narcissistic traits and thought she could do no wrong so I'm not investing any more energy trying to fix someone like that. I'd rather invest time in someone else who appreciates me.
JSJS Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Hmmm it's just really difficult trying to sort through it. I think there are areas I could work on with my self esteem, I'd say its "okay". Good would probably be an exaggeration because sometimes it's bad, so in between = okay/normal. For so long I thought I just couldn't accept what he gave me, and then at the end I realised it really wasn't me, it was him being emotionally unavailable and hardly giving me anything in the first place. He just insisted throughout our relationship that he DID want to be with me etc. if I questioned it. He held back from really giving me himself. I don't know, I'm not sure where to start on improving myself. If it is just that I need to trust myself more, or what. Also don't really want to therapy or anything, are there any more practical solutions I could do myself? Do you need to improve yourself? It sounds like this guy didn't appreciate you at all and I wouldn't embark on major life improvements as a result of his actions. Talk to a trusted friend or family member about self esteem or where you may want to make changes but don't over react or lose confidence in yourself. Being treated badly can affect confidence for a while but start enjoying life again, spend time with nice people, laugh when you can, drink water, exercise and treat yourself to something nice. Most importantly forget about him! Let someone else treat you the way in deserve to be treated and stay strong.
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