ringo Posted July 27, 2004 Posted July 27, 2004 Ok... so you are the OW or the OM in a marriage triangle.... Ok, the MM or MW finds out about you... do you do nothing? Do you ever attempt to contact her an apoligize... sit down with her and found out what all the lies that he has told you and her.... vice versa for men here too.... Ok... say you got pregnant or had a baby with a MM.... why would you keep it from his wife? Why wouldn't your pressure him to tell his wife? Once she knows.... why do you not contact her in some way or another and let her know how sorry you feel? Or do you not feel sorry at all? Why if a man tells you he's going through a divorce, do you still have a relationship with him? He is still legally married, so all hands off.... right? I'm just trying to understand all of this.... so in insite would help. Thank you.
reservoirdog1 Posted July 27, 2004 Posted July 27, 2004 I'm curious too. Wondered this about my TBXW, if she ever felt bad about sleeping with OM#3, given that he was married and she already knew his wife socially.
Author ringo Posted July 27, 2004 Author Posted July 27, 2004 My husband cheated numerous times.... one night stand with a close friend of the family led to the birth of a child about a month ago... (which I just found out about all of this). Ok.... she now knows that I know. Why doesn't see make any attempts to contact me and apoligize? I'm not going to threatening her, or be hateful.... I just don't understand how this all could have happened. She knew we were married, so why did she go there? Why didn't she tell me husband she wasn't on BC? Why didn't they stop and go to the store for condoms? My husband tries to help me with answers but he gets upset because he says he feels guilty enough and my bring it all up just makes him remember things that he would rather forget.... I just want to know.... why don't these OW/OM contact the wifes/husbands and for nothing else - apoligize for causing such tormoil within their family???
veronese Posted July 27, 2004 Posted July 27, 2004 The three other women in my husband's life were un-repetentent, un-apologetic, patronizing and un-remorseful when I challenged them by phone. They seemed to think that their 'friendship' with my husband was not only platonic (yeah, right!) but established and strong enough to justify it's continuation. When I asked why the secrecy if it was so innocent, one of them, (an 'ex'), explained it was because I wouldn't understand, and that I would react in exactly this way (devastated). Well she was right, I didn't understand!! She also had the audacity to state that she had known my husband longer than me!!! She was with him for two years before I met him, we have been together (married with children) for 17 years. Her arrogance was astounding. She was very calm, almost amused, but definitely not sorry. When my tears became tortured sobs, she became impatient, slightly irritated, why was I being so dramatic over this, is a year long secret friendship with an ex really so terrible? She had no appreciation or understanding of the magnitude of their affair. She denied sexual involvement (they all did), exasperated with my questions. I told her she was welcome to him now as our marriage was over - her reaction was predictably insensitive and condescending. "Don't wreck your marriage over this" she said. "We're just friends. Don't be stupid and wreck your marriage over this", she repeated. "I'm not wrecking my marriage" I replied "You've done that for me! You've wrecked my marriage. You have! Not me!" I was so distraught she eventually hung up the phone in preference to hearing me sob uncontrollably. No apology, no further contact, no guilt. Quite incredible. All three responded very similarly to me, none apologized. And although I would love to sit down with them individually and have a truthful, calm and mature conversation with them, I haven't bothered because I can't imagine women with their attitudes capable of looking me in the eye and telling me the truth without become defensive or argumentative. But then is it such a surprise? If they can get involved with a married man in the knowledge that he's attached and unavailable, they are unlikely to apologize for it later, they don't seem to see that they have anything to apologize for!! Try posting the question on the Other woman/other man forum, you may get more accurate and informative answers there (btw, three months on and I'm still with my husband, still working at it, realizing that losing my trust in him maybe the thing that could ultimately break us up.)
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