quartz88 Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Just an update about the guy I posted about in my "coworker/coffee" thread a few weeks ago. We've been seeing each other and have been out several times. In many ways, he's the most genuine, caring guy I've dated - we both have introverted, shy sides as more gregarious aspects to our personalities, we always have a lot to talk about, and a surprising spark in the physical department, too. The only issue is that he's a couple of years younger than I am, and alcohol seems to play a central part in his life. It's not that he drinks excessively, or can't control it - it's just that a lot of his stories, and social situations, seem to revolve around it. I realize this does not make him abnormal - rather, I am in the minority because I don't drink a lot. I don't metabolize alcohol very well - long story short, even one drink sometimes makes me dehydrated and feel like I have the flu for several days. A lot of his vacation photos are of him with various bottles & beverages (sometimes en entire counter-full, we're talking two dozen different spirits). He has a kegerator in his kitchen. Two-thirds of the decorations at his place are beer-brand related, which reminds me of college and strikes me as a little immature. This guy is 31. I'm 33. He has a well-stocked liquor cabinet at home, which he says is for when people come over (he describes a few of his parties as "epic"). He says half the time, he stops drinking halfway through the night. The thing is, I DON'T want to be judgmental about this. What he does in his house is his business, and he deserves to be 100% himself with someone he's dating. I just wonder if he might be more comfortable with someone who shares his love of beer pong, and if I would prefer someone on the other end of the spectrum. I don't know how to tell him, if this ends up being a dealbreaker. He's truly a great guy but I know something like this would probably lead to resentment or issues down the road. I know a LOT of people drink, so I don't know if this is something I just need to get over. He's definitely the first guy over 30 I've met with a kegerator.
Author quartz88 Posted October 3, 2012 Author Posted October 3, 2012 I can't see a man over 25 bragging about parties and using the word "epic" outside of the Illiad. but that's just me. He doesn't say "redonkulous" does he?! Cause if he does, leave him asap, cause he's a man-child. Hahaha. I'm pretty sure I've said "redonkulous" at least once, but then again, I have a silly streak that enjoys things like that once in a while. I wouldn't judge him on JUST the Kegerator - it's the whole package. Most of the guys I've dated have been social drinkers, and it never bothered me or stuck out to me at all. One was even a quasi-expert in certain varieties of German beers, having been stationed over there, and we went to happy hour together. But this seems different. I suppose I'm hyper-sensitive to the issue because I did have a relationship way back when with someone who teetered on the edge of normal consumption and ended up getting a DUI. I didn't realize until years later that I was an enabler and had overlooked the signs. I don't want to call this guy an alcoholic when he's not, though. Although it was interesting that when he was describing his liquor collection at home, one of the first things he said was, "I'm not an alcoholic, but..."
Author quartz88 Posted October 3, 2012 Author Posted October 3, 2012 (edited) Is he still in the military? Cause if so, that's probably a big reason he drinks so much, you know how that goes if you were stationed in germany. Whats your main (summarized) reason for writing this? one sentence We're both in the military, but they're jobs outside of the typical ones you'd think of, and we both live off base and own our own homes. Long story. The degrees don't matter to me in the least, but he entered shortly after undergrad, whereas I went to grad school. And he was clearly a bit of a partier. So we're just very different in that regard. Summary: This guy is very into me and keeps telling me how amazing I am, and I don't know how to express that although he's wonderful, I don't see this going anywhere because of this issue. Summary P.S.: I want to know if I'm being a judgmental snob, because if I only stick to Buddhist monks who don't drink, I'm weeding out 99.9% of the dating pool. Edited October 3, 2012 by quartz88 added info!
Author quartz88 Posted October 3, 2012 Author Posted October 3, 2012 mmmm Officers. Always wanted one. Well, from the perspective portrayed in this thread it doesn't appear that's he an alcoholic, but he seem to put alcohol, and his glory days, on a pedestal. I can't see it going anywhere either, but just making an assumption about how an educated/professional woman would pick her paths. Yeah, actually, we're not officers, but that's why I said it's a long story. It's completely atypical. Thank you for your comments. I agree I should probably just end it. It's tough because I really enjoy spending time with him, and he's so sweet and quirky, unlike some of the guys I've dated in the past.
Balzac Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 I have a Kegerator and I'm 30!!! I resent that... But it's at my vacation rental property, and I've gotten much applause and many re-bookings because of it.. so yeah it's different. I can't see a man over 25 bragging about parties and using the word "epic" outside of the Illiad. but that's just me. He doesn't say "redonkulous" does he?! Cause if he does, leave him asap, cause he's a man-child. There's a chance things will fade in time, but usually, it should have already faded and you know that. Tucker Max has even moved on.
Balzac Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 I was in fact supporting your comments. btw Ad Hominem attack is not an effective argument in a public forum.
todreaminblue Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Just an update about the guy I posted about in my "coworker/coffee" thread a few weeks ago. We've been seeing each other and have been out several times. In many ways, he's the most genuine, caring guy I've dated - we both have introverted, shy sides as more gregarious aspects to our personalities, we always have a lot to talk about, and a surprising spark in the physical department, too. The only issue is that he's a couple of years younger than I am, and alcohol seems to play a central part in his life. It's not that he drinks excessively, or can't control it - it's just that a lot of his stories, and social situations, seem to revolve around it. I realize this does not make him abnormal - rather, I am in the minority because I don't drink a lot. I don't metabolize alcohol very well - long story short, even one drink sometimes makes me dehydrated and feel like I have the flu for several days. A lot of his vacation photos are of him with various bottles & beverages (sometimes en entire counter-full, we're talking two dozen different spirits). He has a kegerator in his kitchen. Two-thirds of the decorations at his place are beer-brand related, which reminds me of college and strikes me as a little immature. This guy is 31. I'm 33. He has a well-stocked liquor cabinet at home, which he says is for when people come over (he describes a few of his parties as "epic"). He says half the time, he stops drinking halfway through the night. The thing is, I DON'T want to be judgmental about this. What he does in his house is his business, and he deserves to be 100% himself with someone he's dating. I just wonder if he might be more comfortable with someone who shares his love of beer pong, and if I would prefer someone on the other end of the spectrum. I don't know how to tell him, if this ends up being a dealbreaker. He's truly a great guy but I know something like this would probably lead to resentment or issues down the road. I know a LOT of people drink, so I don't know if this is something I just need to get over. He's definitely the first guy over 30 I've met with a kegerator. It would be a no go for me not fond of the smell of beer..........i have tried to ban alcohol from my house actually.I have a couple of drinkers in the house....im going ok with it they respect my decision I hope they do anyway.Its not being judgmental if you discuss it with your friend.Explaining yourself and the way you feel is part of a natural progression of a relationship or that's how i think anyway.....you dont have to accuse or make assumptions just talk to him.....you have to give him that chance to make a choice or you can make the choice yourself without the knowledge of his feelings on the matter....i feel that talking to him may open up your options...tell him how you feel about drinking adn gauge his reactions and then the discussion opens..compromise can be cool....i wish you the best.....deb
Balzac Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 you grazed my ego. I read his book many years ago, and he is not a person I care to be identified with. My apologies I thought it subtle yet sharp enough to express my disdain. . No pejorative to you at all. More it was a cite to a real guy who embraced the lifestyle described by the OP of her love interest! Pure and simple. Sorry to have grazed your ego. We often post in the same threads and I frequently enjoy your commentary.
Balzac Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Blackballed from his law firm was pretty funny but I also enjoyed his BullHorn adventure at Duke as the two camps hung in there for Basketball Tkts. Oh the antics of the bored law student. Crazy guy. At the very least he profited from his debauchery.
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