lovecash Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 I got dumped a month ago, and last time we spoke- ex gf said she wants to talk on the 14th of every month (day we ended it). Assuming she tries to contact me ( no way I am going to contact her), what tone/type of conversation do I even attempt? She is a very smart girl but has anxiety/emotional problems she has been going through (been taking anti-depressants for anxiety past 3 years and just stopped 2 months ago), so my plan is to give her space/sort out her feelings and then around December see where she is at mentally and evaluate from there. In the meantime I'll be working on myself and detaching. Do you think having a contact once a month will jeopardize this strategy and I shouldn't even answer a call or should I pick it up?
moveONorStay Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Sounds to me like she is trying to remain in control of the situation...I think if you contact her on the 14th, it means that she knows you are still interested. I wouldn'y contact her...let her contact you, then ignore until she contacts you again after that. All in all, it comes down to whether or not you really want to get involved in the game? Because that's what NC is, a game.
TaraMaiden Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 I got dumped a month ago, and last time we spoke- ex gf said she wants to talk on the 14th of every month (day we ended it). Assuming she tries to contact me ( no way I am going to contact her), what tone/type of conversation do I even attempt? You don't..... She is a very smart girl but has anxiety/emotional problems she has been going through (been taking anti-depressants for anxiety past 3 years and just stopped 2 months ago), Unfortunately, that's her problem, not yours. you're not her therapist, and it's extremely unreasonable of her to use you like one.... so my plan is to give her space/sort out her feelings and then around December see where she is at mentally and evaluate from there. In the meantime I'll be working on myself and detaching. Hopefully, by that time, this won't even be an issue any more.... You need to let go, this is just too much like hard work. Really, she should quit dating too, if it means drama and angst. Do you think having a contact once a month will jeopardize this strategy Yes. and I shouldn't even answer a call Correct. or should I pick it up? No. To be fair, tell her that her conditions are unreasonable. Why should you accept being dumped, then be there every month simply because she says so? Tell her to get therapy, get her head together and then maybe, some time down the line when she sees a proper therapist rather than using you as one, you can both review the situation. But the two of you shouldn't ever talk again until AFTER Christmas. Then go NC, stay NC and don't whatever you do, break it, or give her the chance to, by responding to absolutely anything at all from her end.
Calico Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 I got dumped a month ago, and last time we spoke- ex gf said she wants to talk on the 14th of every month (day we ended it). Tara said everything that needs to be said, but just to reinforce this: She dumped you, and it's ridiculous of her to set up a schedule when you can and cannot talk to her. She left you, she chose to no longer be part of your life. This is certainly her right. but asking you to be available once a month, especially on date loaded with bad feelings as it is, is silly. Don't play that game.
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