miscurves Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Last time I wrote, his ex who is also his baby mama had thrown a suprise birthday party for him. They are in the US, I am in Africa. Imagine my pain at not even being able to give him a kiss for his birthday, now to rub salt into the wound- certain life situations have left him with no choice but to move in with ex-baby mama and baby to cut on costs. He tried to tell me it won't change a thing between us but already he can't even respond to my watsapp as he used to. Its been two days in this new arrangement and already all bells are ringing so loud. What are the sleeping arrangements? She has obviously been praying for such an arrangement and is going to use it with all she has. I'm stressed and have mentioned a lot to break up cos a part of me knows it won't work as I am such a secret. She has no idea of my existence, neither does his family...... I'm dying here. Was planning to visit him next year, how does this happen with her in the same house? Ohhh my, this is just me pouring water into a bottomless bucket!
River Rain Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 I was in the exact same situation. I was kept secret from his ex-wife who he shared a house and daughter with. I kept asking "when are you going to tell her?" and his answer was always "I don't want to hurt anyone"...well, he was okay with hurting me. He needs to sort out the domestic situation. He also need to reassure you in detail that there is nothing going on with them, but to me, these are pretty big red flags.
Author miscurves Posted October 2, 2012 Author Posted October 2, 2012 Can you believe that when I call, he goes outside to talk to me? He tells me he is avoiding being asked lots of questions. He is a loving guy but just doubt him with this living arrangement. I can't even look at any man as I know I have him but is he doing the same. Trust issues!
River Rain Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Trust is the most important thing with long distance romance...my ex wouldn't even call me when he was with his daughter, even if she was busy doing things. He didn't want to "expose" her to new things...he didn't want to expose me to his ex-wife was more like it. I think if it's going to work, he's got to stop hiding you. Otherwise, you become easily disposable, like I did.
meeji Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 You don't deserve to be treated like something he is ashamed of. I say drop him and move on. When a man cares about a woman, he would never allow that to go on. My exs baby a mama took him to court for child support. The night before their court date she called him up to talk. She told him if he left me and went back to her, she would drop everything. He said no because he was with me and wanted to stay with me. The end.right now, you are her and the girl living with your boyfriend is me. Reverse those roles and think about it.... Not good. Find someone woo will be more than happy to tell everyone how awesome his girlfriend is. You deserve better 1
justwhoiam Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 I'm stressed and have mentioned a lot to break up cos a part of me knows it won't work as I am such a secret. Did he tell you when he's going to make it known? She has no idea of my existence, neither does his family...... So when you call and he goes outside, do you think she's that naive? He goes outside getting calls, do you really think a woman can accept that? She must accept it if they're no longer together. She probably knows he has another woman. Was planning to visit him next year, how does this happen with her in the same house? This is not healthy for you, because you are too jealous. And know that I am very jealous, so I know what I'm talking about. But pulling your hair like that is useless. Use your energy for something worth it and more rewarding than this. You have two options here: you either trust him now or you leave him alone for good. Did he give you any reason not to trust him so far? You are calling him and he's not rejecting your calls. He takes your call and goes out for privacy with you. I'm not sure what you're asking for. Be patient or you can't share your life with someone with kids.
Keithsbabybear Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 I completely agree that there are some red flags there. However, I wouldn't assume anything, because if you assume and it turns out that there really is nothing going on there, it just makes you look bad and makes him feel like you don't trust him. Personally, I would talk to him and say "hey, if I'm that unimportant to you that you won't even tell your family about me, then why are we together?" try to word it as nicely as possible but DON'T SUGAR COAT IT! hope it helps
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