River Rain Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Hey everyone, Just wanted to talk about this. Well, I'm recently single and moving on from the break up as best I can. I'm 44 years old. I met a 28-year old last spring, he was very sweet, intelligent and honest. I felt the age difference was too much, but I think it had more to do with my own insecurities about my own age than his. Now though, I've become a lot more confident about myself and I feel good. I think that I could date a younger guy, because I'm pretty young at heart. I just worry now about compatibility. But then should I? This dating thing is pretty new to me, I was alone for a long time before... Has anyone dated someone significantly younger, and if so were there challenges due to the age difference? I know that age is just a number, but in reality, is it?
todreaminblue Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Hey everyone, Just wanted to talk about this. Well, I'm recently single and moving on from the break up as best I can. I'm 44 years old. I met a 28-year old last spring, he was very sweet, intelligent and honest. I felt the age difference was too much, but I think it had more to do with my own insecurities about my own age than his. Now though, I've become a lot more confident about myself and I feel good. I think that I could date a younger guy, because I'm pretty young at heart. I just worry now about compatibility. But then should I? This dating thing is pretty new to me, I was alone for a long time before... Has anyone dated someone significantly younger, and if so were there challenges due to the age difference? I know that age is just a number, but in reality, is it? When i was young i did date a man twice my age....there was no sex involved .......he was charming and held a conversation well versed in current affairs, a real seeker of truth..he was impotent that posed more of a difficulty at the time....we parted on good terms..i dont know about your situation but you said he was charming and sweet it does sound like it could be you that is holding the relationship back.....have you talked to him about the age difference and what was his response...for every person and situation it is unique....what are his views.....deb
CarrieT Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 When I was 44, I dated a guy that was 32. In the long run, there were too many socio/cultural differences that were insurmountable. It was fun for a few years, but not for the long term. I remember living the 80s when he was in grade school. He read about Armstrong landing on the moon and I lived it. I remember when phones plugged into the wall... Silly things, I know - but they add up.
Author River Rain Posted October 2, 2012 Author Posted October 2, 2012 i dont know about your situation but you said he was charming and sweet it does sound like it could be you that is holding the relationship back.....have you talked to him about the age difference and what was his response...for every person and situation it is unique....what are his views.....deb Oh, this guy has already moved on. I met him last spring. I did mention my concerns about our age difference back then, but he kept saying he was an "old soul". It just never worked out because I was too insecure about it back then. It depends on what you want out of the relationship, if you're looking for a good time it really doesn't matter. If you're looking for a long term, deep relationship it can cause problems, he'd be 44 when you turn 60. At 28 you're unlikely to encounter serious maturity problems though. Long term only, no casual for me. And yes, I thought about that, if I did date a 28-year old, I'd be 60 when he was my age now. I know I should live in the present, but you can't help thinking about that too. When I was 44, I dated a guy that was 32. In the long run, there were too many socio/cultural differences that were insurmountable. It was fun for a few years, but not for the long term. I remember living the 80s when he was in grade school. He read about Armstrong landing on the moon and I lived it. I remember when phones plugged into the wall... Silly things, I know - but they add up. Not silly things, actually that was one of my concerns, the cultural references. I mean, it's not the most important thing, but if I'm always making reference to things I remember and he can't relate, then it becomes an incompatibility in a way. But then, I think, well, even if he were around my age, we didn't live the exact same life. What we would have in common now is what's important.
CarrieT Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 But then, I think, well, even if he were around my age, we didn't live the exact same life. What we would have in common now is what's important. But what you have in common RIGHT NOW is your immediate attraction and the things you are doing right now. Not silly things, actually that was one of my concerns, the cultural references. I mean, it's not the most important thing, but if I'm always making reference to things I remember and he can't relate, then it becomes an incompatibility in a way. The cultural references is what creeps up in relationships after some time has gone by and you are comfortable with each other. That is when it becomes important and the lack of those cultural references will seem like glaring omissions...
todreaminblue Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Oh, this guy has already moved on. I met him last spring. I did mention my concerns about our age difference back then, but he kept saying he was an "old soul". It just never worked out because I was too insecure about it back then. Long term only, no casual for me. And yes, I thought about that, if I did date a 28-year old, I'd be 60 when he was my age now. I know I should live in the present, but you can't help thinking about that too. Not silly things, actually that was one of my concerns, the cultural references. I mean, it's not the most important thing, but if I'm always making reference to things I remember and he can't relate, then it becomes an incompatibility in a way. But then, I think, well, even if he were around my age, we didn't live the exact same life. What we would have in common now is what's important. For starters there are no guarantees in life you will make it to 60......i know thats fatalistic but why think about something you dont even know if that day will come...leave the worrying to god.......only god knows so living in the present seems more worthwhile. enjoying the days he does give us...before you get to meet your maker....its taken me a while to think like this...I also think activity levels can overcome age differences that young at heart thing also does....but i could eb mistaken...havent ever dated anyone younger than me....i have dated people with less life experience than me though.......they were older..... I dont understand the reasoning behind your post if he has moved on.....why do you want to date someone around the same age again or are you reflecting on a believed to be mistake ....deb
Author River Rain Posted October 2, 2012 Author Posted October 2, 2012 I dont understand the reasoning behind your post if he has moved on.....why do you want to date someone around the same age again or are you reflecting on a believed to be mistake ....deb A discussion with regards to dating a younger person.
Author River Rain Posted October 2, 2012 Author Posted October 2, 2012 I'm not pursuing him, I got to know him last spring, but chose not to pursue him because of the age difference. I just wanted to know if others have dated people younger than them and what their experience was. Thanks.
Author River Rain Posted October 2, 2012 Author Posted October 2, 2012 I have but unlike you it was strictly for fun, nothing intended to be long term or overly serious. Yeah, that's what I think, not sure over the long term it would work. I'm going back to university for the winter session and I know I'll meet lots of younger people while I'm there. I'm sure I'll meet people at various ages, but the majority of students there are 10 years younger or more. I just don't want to be so strict in case I meet someone special, so I guess I'm starting the discussion now to get some different viewpoints.
Author River Rain Posted October 2, 2012 Author Posted October 2, 2012 pursuit of happiness, ma'dear Cultivate your happiness.. Happiness is very important, and I definitely want to cultivate it! I'm kind of inexperienced for my age too though, so I worry about that too.
yongyong Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Everyone already knows including you and your friends, it won't work in a long term. Guys in 20s wouldn't mind dating a woman in her 40s looking like jennifer aniston. Even in that case, how long is it going to last? Even if you switch the gender (dating an older guy is common), that's too much age gap. You gotta ask yourself 'Is this guy with me because he can't get anything else? would he still be with me even though he could be with other women 23~33 years old range?'
jcrew11 Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Older men date younger women all the time, and its considered okay because he can provide her financial security and mature conversation. If you are seeking an older guy, even ten years older than you, he may die sooner than a younger guy. Then you have guys your own age who are chasing younger women because they can. I think you are insecure that a younger guy will leave you in a few months or years, and that he won't stick around or commit. It depends on what you want: if its just a long term committment with someone who may be physically too old to chase after a younger woman, so he's settling for a 40 year old. If you narrow your choices too much, you will find very slim pickings.
Kmc1292 Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 Hey everyone, Just wanted to talk about this. Well, I'm recently single and moving on from the break up as best I can. I'm 44 years old. I met a 28-year old last spring, he was very sweet, intelligent and honest. I felt the age difference was too much, but I think it had more to do with my own insecurities about my own age than his. Now though, I've become a lot more confident about myself and I feel good. I think that I could date a younger guy, because I'm pretty young at heart. I just worry now about compatibility. But then should I? This dating thing is pretty new to me, I was alone for a long time before... Has anyone dated someone significantly younger, and if so were there challenges due to the age difference? I know that age is just a number, but in reality, is it? Do what makes you happy. I'm at 20 year old girl and I'm with a 35 year old man
FitChick Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 It's silly to worry about what might or might not happen when you are 60. Plenty of couples the same age break up sooner. Age has nothing to do with it. As far as cultural references, what about couples the same age who are from different countries and have different backgrounds and experiences? Plenty of them are happily married. It depends on how committed you are.
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