ReadMyThread Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 My first TRUE love of 9 months left me for another guy like 48 days ago. She is 16 with MAJOR daddy issues. A week after the breakup I agreed to be friends with her (yeah I know, stupid) and we have been in no contact since then. For like 32 days now it's been. This is my first BIG breakup and I don't know what to do. I'm heartbroken still. I still think about her everyday and miss her. I don't know if she is with him yet officially but I know they are talking because that's why she left me. Is this GIGS? Help me please. I know I have to move on and I'm trying but she was my everything and she left me for another guy like I was nothing to her. :/. They say no contact is suppose to help you but I just feel like its getting worse and worse everyday. I don't understand how she CAN'T miss me and everything we did. I hope this new guy cheats on her. Does something to hurt her so she can feel how I feel right now. I want to look on Facebook to see if they have made their relationship viewable to everyone to see but I don't want to hurt anymore than I already do. I WANT to know if they are together though, it's killing me. Help
Author ReadMyThread Posted October 2, 2012 Author Posted October 2, 2012 May I add. She was looking for SO MANY reasons to break-up with me before she ACTUALLY told me it was for another guy 3 days after the break up. It seemed as if she was just LOOKING for ANYTHING to break up with me about. "My dad says I shouldn't even be in a relationship" "I want to take school more seriously" "What are YOU going to do for the rest of your life?" "We spend too much time together and depend on each other too much." ANYTHING she could find. Stuff that didn't even matter BEFORE when we were happy and in love until she became distant and a whole new girl that didn't love me I guess. . She said she still loves me and also said as soon as she get's her s*** maybe we can give this another try. Shes a b****
Calico Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 At 16, a relationship of 9 months is a really long time. I know this is hard to really "get" when you are hurting so much, but it's really very natural for a sixteen year old girl (or boy) to have short relationships and explore. You could label it as GIGS, but I'd call it "normal" and expected. Being spiteful ("I hope this new guy cheats on her.", "does something to hurt her") will not make you feel better, and it also shows that you don't love her. You obsess about her, and you bemoan your damaged pride more than the loss of her. If you loved her, you'd want her happy and not wish her to hurt and feel as miserable as you do. If you hate her, go ahead. But don't call it love and say you want her back. I am putting this so bluntly because you really need to snap out of this. NC does little unless you work on letting go. You are not doing this, you just sit, mope and wait. I've offered this analogy a few times: NC is like a shower. If you sit in the shower and do nothing, you won't magically get clean. You'll sit there and stink for years if that's all you do. First you have to decide to get clean and really want it (REALLY want it). Then you have to turn on the water, reach for the soap, use the soap, rinse, wash your hair, then grab the towel and get dry. This is work and only YOU can do that. NC is the same.
Author ReadMyThread Posted October 2, 2012 Author Posted October 2, 2012 Your right. I have been thinking about that too and accepting what she wants. If we wants him and that makes her happy then I have to deal with it because i do love her. but I just wish I didn't had fell so deep in love with her if I knew she would do this. I hate her at the same time too. I'm confuse. My head says I hater her I never want to see her or hear from her again because she left me for another guy but my heart is saying the opposite .
Calico Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 My ex left me after almost four years and spent the last half year cheating on me. Then, when I walked away, she instantly made her relationship with the new guy official. I do understand what it feels like. Anger isn't necessarily bad. Better than depression. It just depends on the kind of anger. If you to lash out at her, wish bad things for her, want her to get hurt, then that gets you stuck and you won't move on. If you are angry at what she did to you and feel pissy about how she dared to treat you so poorly, then you can use that anger to move forward, because this will help you realize that you don't want to be with someone who is like that. Get into a "her loss" mindset. You're better off without someone who has different needs than you do. That doesn't make them a bad person, and it doesn't make you "not good enough". It only means that you and her have different expectations, are at different points of your life, and want opposite things. It's one of those "life happens" things that really bite. It's bitter when you love someone and their feelings have changed, but the only person you have any control over is you. All you can really do is to accept that it's over (for now anyway) and that there is nothing you do other than to move on as best you can, and start to heal. Start by looking for what's good about this situation. Yes, most of it is bad, but really look for the positive sides and focus on those. You probably have more time, fewer responsibilities, are free to make new friends, can actually look for a girl who wants the same as you do, don't have to stress about upsetting or losing her, and so on. That kind of stuff. It's there, you only need to look for it.
Author ReadMyThread Posted October 2, 2012 Author Posted October 2, 2012 Sheesh! Well I'm happy I didn't have to go through that long of a relationship before it happened. Well in my case, I caught her hanging out with him behind my back while we were still together and It hurt me so much and i cried for hours in front of her asking why she didn't tell me and everything, then the next day she came to me crying saying she regretted even hanging out with him and that nothing happened and how sorry she was but a week after that she dumps me for him :/. I don't get it. She regretted it then why doesn't she regret it now? He must have something I don't have right? ugh. This day has not been good.
LostOne1 Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Sheesh! Well I'm happy I didn't have to go through that long of a relationship before it happened. Well in my case, I caught her hanging out with him behind my back while we were still together and It hurt me so much and i cried for hours in front of her asking why she didn't tell me and everything, then the next day she came to me crying saying she regretted even hanging out with him and that nothing happened and how sorry she was but a week after that she dumps me for him :/. I don't get it. She regretted it then why doesn't she regret it now? He must have something I don't have right? ugh. This day has not been good. my only guess is she liked him and told you she regretted it because you broke down and she felt guilty. And then she realized she did it out of guilt. It's tough to take in... I felt my ex left me for someone else too. Don't know for sure, but it sure feels that way. All I can say is if a girl can do that.. then she isn't worth it. And that should be enough for you to want to move on. She's just not worth it....
Calico Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 I don't get it. She regretted it then why doesn't she regret it now? He must have something I don't have right? ugh. This day has not been good. Two things: 1) Dumpers say a lot of stuff. Some is true, some is excuses, and some is confusion. She may well have regretted it, because you had been together some time, and people don't just stop caring. She almost certainly didn't enjoy hurting you. But regretting something doesn't mean you can just go back to what was before. There is no value in trying to analyse what may or may not have been on your mind, because you will never really know. More importantly, it doesn't make a lick of a difference to the situation as it is now. 2) It has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with her. I ended relationships with great women because my feelings had changed. They didn't do anything wrong, there wasn't anything wrong with them, either. It just happened. Also, shift your thoughts a bit here: You spent NINE months with a sixteen year old girl. That is LEAPS beyond what is average for that age group, so you must be a damn awesome guy and there is a girl out there who will be super lucky to get you!
Author ReadMyThread Posted October 2, 2012 Author Posted October 2, 2012 Well if she regretted it then will she regret it later? If something goes wrong with the other guy? I feel she doesn't trust me anymore. She td me after we broke up, "i bet you cheated on me with another girl" I need to focus on myself but it's way too hard. We spent EVERYDAY together up until the last week when she got distant.
Calico Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 I spent every day with my ex for four years, and I do mean every day. There was not a single day where we didn't at least speak on the phone. Yes, it's hard. And look, I'm still alive! And it gets better. Do you want to be second best? She left you, quite possibly for another guy. So if they don't work out, you'd take her back? Where is your pride, man? You'd actually take her back and then, when she wants a new toy again, you'll be left again? If they leave you once, they'll leave you again. You deserve better than being a backup plan. The question is not, "Doesn't she trust me?" but: "Why on earth should I ever trust someone again who left me like that?" You are not a doormat, quit feeling and acting like one! What she said is just shift-blaming. She blamed you for what she did and you eat it up because you think it's your fault, when it quite possibly isn't. She needs to grow up. And one day, she will. But you can't wait around for that and it's not likely you have a future with her. So, what are the positive sides of this mess?
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