Coyoteloco Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Hey, so today its been a rough day so far, i cant stop thinking about her and that email she sent me a week ago i didnt reply but i was doing great and now im so sad and i just want to stay home and do nothing and its also raining. When i opened facebook i saw this photo of her drinking some shots at a club, i dont have her as a friend but she was with a girlfriend in the picture which i do have as a friend. So that email surely made its job of breaking my heart again :'( And its getting harder to keep up the NC. any advice?
Mike_d Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 why do you continue to self sabatoge yourself? do you somehow enjoy the pain that comes with seeing that? what possible good comes of that? how are you helping yourself move forward? I'll answer that last one - you are not. Push the button, delete her on facebook. god, the damage Facebook does, the angst that people have "oh I don't want her to think ------" stop being codep, support yourself, push the delete button and start feeling better. this is a choice you are making to stay feeling like this. moving forward doesn't just happen, you have to work at it. you know that you shouldn't break NC, man up
River Rain Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Well, he dumped me and I grieved for 3 weeks hardly getting out of bed. But at one point, I decided enough was enough. I wiped him clean out of my life. I deleted all of his emails, all the ones I sent him, all the texts, photos, voice mails, recordings, videos etc...(we were long distance). I put my online photo albums private. I put a filter on my email so that I won't even know if he emails me or not, they are simply deleted before I would see them, then I deleted his contact information. I also changed my cell phone number so that I wouldn't know if he tried to call or text me. I don't go to the old forum where we met. I don't have a facebook account, I know he does, but I won't go there at all. You have to sometimes wipe everything clean to force yourself to move on. I know it hurts, heck I still think about him a little bit. But not having those reminders around does wonders, for me anyway.
Author Coyoteloco Posted October 2, 2012 Author Posted October 2, 2012 i deleted her from facebook, but this was a friends picture with her, i couldnt help not seeing it cause i logged in and it was in the newsfeeds. And a week ago she sent me an email saying "im thinking of you and so much things are going through my mind blablalba" I was doing great before that. I didnt answear the email. Do you think i should reply it? i thinks she is playing jealousy games now.
River Rain Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 (edited) I don't know how fb works, but can you ask your friends to be considerate and not post photos of her, at least in the short term? I think you should do what I did, create a filter to just have her emails deleted so you don't have to even know she sent you them. It's not fair of her to come back into your life. Mine did that too, and I fell for it and took him back, only to have him pull the same crap on me again and break my heart three times over, yeah, I took him back twice. It's not worth it, especially since you said you were doing fine before seeing that email. No, don't answer it, even though the temptation is there. If it's over, it's over and you need to move on. Edited to add: you're worth having someone to love you and make you happy, and you making them happy too. All of this relationship bs that goes on back and forth...it's truly sad. I nearly gave up hope, but I just can't do it. I know that there are decent people out there who deserve my love and affection. Keep reminding yourself of that, especially during the tough times. It's very rare that people change. Edited October 2, 2012 by River Rain
Calico Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 (edited) Do you think i should reply it? i thinks she is playing jealousy games now. No, if she didn't send another in the past week, you should not answer now. It doesn't seem likely that she is playing the jealousy game and you are probably just looking for reasons that give you hope, evidence that she feels the same way as you do when she quite apparently does not. There is nothing you can do at the moment that would give you a "fix" and not also make it worse for you when it wears off. Just accept that and sit there and endure the bad feelings, the thoughts and the resist the urge to do anything that involves talking to her, contacting her or trying to get her attention. Let it wash over you. You'll feel better tomorrow or the day after. Promise. Do something for yourself. Go online and find some chat buddies. Go out, but stay away from alcohol (it's a depressant), have a coffee instead. Take a walk or drive around some. Watch an action or war movie. Work out a bit. Consider getting a kitten, it'll need and love you. Or post here, it often helps me to shift my perspective. Spend some thoughts on thinking about the future without her. Look for the advantages of this situation, ways in which you are better off. There is something, it's not all bad. Focus on that and identify what's good about this (yes, 99% feels bad, so look for that 1%). Edited October 2, 2012 by Calico
Author Coyoteloco Posted October 2, 2012 Author Posted October 2, 2012 well the thing is that i dont know if i want her back, because i would need to talk to her before knowing that, because if she kissed another man while we were broken up i wouldnt take her back. And each time i think of replying the email i think of this guy she talked to in facebook, and i say no no no ! but we were so good when we were together i dont know, she just came from a 2 weeks holiday trip a few days ago. Should i just wait and see if she contacts me again? i mean it was a 6 year relationship and this is our first break up big fight, is it worth to just not look back again?
River Rain Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 well the thing is that i dont know if i want her back, because i would need to talk to her before knowing that, because if she kissed another man while we were broken up i wouldnt take her back. And each time i think of replying the email i think of this guy she talked to in facebook, and i say no no no ! but we were so good when we were together i dont know, she just came from a 2 weeks holiday trip a few days ago. Should i just wait and see if she contacts me again? i mean it was a 6 year relationship and this is our first break up big fight, is it worth to just not look back again? Well, I think people get too hung up on time, meaning, yes 6 years was a long time in a relationship, but if there are reasons for breaking up, it doesn't matter if it's 6 years or 6 weeks you know? The reasons are still valid. My ex kept me in limbo for 3 weeks...waiting on someone is not good, I always think you should just not look back. But then, I've never had a lasting reconciliation with a boyfriend, so for me, when it's done, it's done. I don't want the agony and heartache of waiting on that person. Also, if you want to see if you will get back together, do it in person. It's too easy by email, things are misunderstood or thought over too intricately...you need to see her in person, be spontaneous and talk together to see if there is a chance, don't you think?
Author Coyoteloco Posted October 2, 2012 Author Posted October 2, 2012 OK so i just got some more info. And it seems she called my house 3 days ago. Suposedly to talk to my sister which was going on a trip, and she also talked to my mother, and it seems she emailed my mother too, i dont know for what. Im keeping no contact, i guess if she gots something to tell me she will get in touch with me.
River Rain Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 It's easy to over-analyze a situation like this, considering she's contacting your family. I don't know her, but I do know that my ex would send more loving, missing you emails when he was drinking. Then I'd call him and he wouldn't answer the phone because he was a coward. That's why I think it's important that whatever gesture she makes - if she's trying to reconcile, HAS to be in person. Just keep living each day as it comes.
Author Coyoteloco Posted October 2, 2012 Author Posted October 2, 2012 yes i know i might be over-analyzing but i cant help it. i wish i could just delete all this feelings and thoughts from my mind but its not possible. And she keeps me hooked with all the emails and its been like this since we broke up. The reason of the break up was not really clear, and she said she didnt really know why it was. Our relationship was getting a bit rusty and her mother was pushing her to leave me, also she started working and she was working studying and it seems she started talking to some coworker and i was going through some jealousy phase in that time i dont know. I guess ill just keep on with my life and see what happens. Im already starting to talk to new girls, and put my eyes on the girls i always liked from my college, but i still miss her, and feeling like this sucks.
todreaminblue Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 (edited) Hey, so today its been a rough day so far, i cant stop thinking about her and that email she sent me a week ago i didnt reply but i was doing great and now im so sad and i just want to stay home and do nothing and its also raining. When i opened facebook i saw this photo of her drinking some shots at a club, i dont have her as a friend but she was with a girlfriend in the picture which i do have as a friend. So that email surely made its job of breaking my heart again :'( And its getting harder to keep up the NC. any advice? rough days are good for one thing they make you appreciate the good ones.......i go through a few rough days......how i get through it is i say this....."this too shall pass" as a mantra......i pray(throw stuff now) and i try to take it easy on myself. You are going to have rough days.I get off my butt and go to the water when I start to get down.Take my ipod listen to music(i actually listen to music alot).....when i know it is dead set serious is when i cant listen to music and for years i couldnt.....i was a shell the only way i socialised and danced was to be inebriated(not so good) Alcohol to me was a way to open up to people......but not in the right way.....i left myself open to the wrong types....i dont drink anymore I actually hate the taste of it, it also caused a great deal fo emotional distress....so now i handle the rough days, by praying(which i have always done) i try to hang around people who i consider are good and i follow what i believe in the most important one is never go backwards......go forward soldier.....forward......dig a trench and stick your feet in for a while if you have to but don't go backwards.....not a good strategy to lose ground you have gained.....reassess your situation build yourself up again and move forward.....kick ass bud......and stay positive.....deb Edited October 2, 2012 by todreaminblue
River Rain Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 yes i know i might be over-analyzing but i cant help it. i wish i could just delete all this feelings and thoughts from my mind but its not possible. And she keeps me hooked with all the emails and its been like this since we broke up. The reason of the break up was not really clear, and she said she didnt really know why it was. Our relationship was getting a bit rusty and her mother was pushing her to leave me, also she started working and she was working studying and it seems she started talking to some coworker and i was going through some jealousy phase in that time i dont know. I guess ill just keep on with my life and see what happens. Im already starting to talk to new girls, and put my eyes on the girls i always liked from my college, but i still miss her, and feeling like this sucks. A "reset" button would come in handy wouldn't it? Yes, I'm an over-analyzer too. When my ex would give me the silent treatment, my mind would go into overdrive to try and figure out what I did wrong, I never did anything wrong, it was he who was withdrawing. He kept me hooked too with emails and texts for those three weeks, then the silent treatment, it was like some kind of punishment, horrible to play with a person's heart like that. Oh it's good that you're already starting to talk to other girls, it's going to be slow going, but honestly, we just can't settle for someone who doesn't want us the same way we want them right?
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