Brittany0691 Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 I don't know how to start this. Let me start by saying that this is the 3rd or 4th time this has happened. My husband is an Iraq war vet with PTSD. Our marriage isn't easy but I thought It had gotten better. In the past he has gotten in fights with me where he blacks out and I'm scared. He leaves for a couple days and we come back together to work things out. When were good, we're real good. He can be the most caring husband and I love him so much. But then something triggers a rage and sometimes I admit its me. However things are changing. The last two rages beforehand he talks of being depressed and wanting to commit suicide. Usually when he gets in a suicide funk I can get him out by being positive and supporting him. But lately he'll saying everything in life is bothering him and the next minute he's flipping out on me and saying its all my fault that he'd rather be dead than married to me. I know I'm not the best wife but I don't feel I've done anything to make him that unhappy. Just 3 days ago we had a great date at the mall, saw a movie and things were good. But yesterday it was back to the suicide talk and he took a gun to his head. I called 911 and he left. The cop I spoke with picked my husband up downtown and brought him to the hospital. At midnight i got a call from them asking if he should be let go to leave with a friend and I said yes he'd be safe. The friend said he'd take care of my husband for now so I haven't heard from him today. Idk what to do. My husband said he wants a divorce last night and he hates being with me but the months where it's good between these blow outs he's great. Laughing happy affectionate. Texts me all day. Idk what to do. I'm so heartbroken and though I don't want a divorce I will for him. Idk how one hour it's everything building up stressing him out and the next it's all me. I can't keep doing this though.
GuyInLimbo Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 What a nightmare this war has wreaked on our brave soldiers. It's so sad what is happening to thousands of returning vets. It's heartbreaking. I see you blame yourself for a lot, but stop doing that. This is not your fault. Your husband is dealing with a very serious mental illness. To what extent is he being treated for PTSD? He absolutely must get extensive therapy. I'm sorry you are both dealing with this.
Author Brittany0691 Posted October 2, 2012 Author Posted October 2, 2012 I've supported him through 4 months of rehab for PTSD at two seperate Va Hospitals none of which helped. His disability claim which they haven't submitted has him 80% disibility. He says this is my fault he's unhappy cause of me. Maybe he really is unhappy in the marriage but I don't get why we can be so happy. Some days he's more chipper than me. I feel this is the end though I wish it wasn't.
Balzac Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Have you gotten therapy for Y O U? Not marriage counseling, not support to help him but therapy for how this is affecting you? Unless and until you can heal yourself of this devastation, there is I'm to no chance you can sustain your marriage. It's very difficult to take him at his word, he's suffering from active mental illness. You are never compelled to "agree" to a divorce. He can file and to date he has not acted. I say that his healing will take more time and in that time you can heal yourself. Now, Thank You, both of you, for your service to our country. Thank you for supporting your soldier husband, sticking by him and I'm sorry for your misery. You are not to blame for his terribly painful illness. 1
riverratt Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 This combat thing effects people in different ways. I know several guys that it, basically , broke them down to nothing. It is very hard on some. It effected me differently. It made me realize how important the little things are in life and how fortunate I am just to be alive. It actually turned positive for me but I am a very positive person. I wish you guys the best..You do need to take care of yourself. You won't be able to understand it all but can get some insight.
whichwayisup Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 I've supported him through 4 months of rehab for PTSD at two seperate Va Hospitals none of which helped. His disability claim which they haven't submitted has him 80% disibility. He says this is my fault he's unhappy cause of me. Maybe he really is unhappy in the marriage but I don't get why we can be so happy. Some days he's more chipper than me. I feel this is the end though I wish it wasn't. Don't give up on him. Right now he is broken. Rehab/therapy hasn't worked yet, four months isn't that long. If separation now has to happen for him to heal, it could be good for both of you. Don't look at this as the end of your marriage, he does love you! He just can't be the man you married right now. With meds, and lots of counselling he can be again. Again, four months isn't that long.. do counselling for yourself too. It'll help you cope with all this. 1
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