seeking_closure04 Posted July 26, 2004 Posted July 26, 2004 Last month, I wrote a topic regarding how I bumped into my ex-girlfriend (my first true love) at work for the first time in five years. Well, last week on the 19th was the day we broke up five years ago, and as much progress one can make in trying to move on, it still seems to mess up your day. Ever since I last saw her, I can't help but wonder how her life's been going, what she's been doing, ifshe's all right, and most importantly, to tell her how sorry I really am for everrything. And as much as I would like to see her, even if it's for the very last time, I'm not sure what that might bring. I ask myself,"should I even try to find her, or should I just leave her alone." It's just bittersweet knowing that there's always going to be a place in my heart for her, but deep down inside, I know that if I do find her, she might not share the same feelings as I. What should I do?
uriel Posted July 28, 2004 Posted July 28, 2004 It sounds like you might want more than closure -- like maybe you want to test the waters to see if she's interested in getting back together. Before you contact her, get clear about what you want from the encounter, that is, if everything went your way. You don't want to hurt her further by giving a false impression of any kind. If all you want to say is sorry, keep it short and sweet. It's nice to hear from someone who's hurt you, but the healing effect dulls in the presence of past rehashing. Don't go there. Don't confuse her about why you're contacting her -- tell her this isn't an attempt to re-enter her life, but one to let her know she didn't deserve what happened and you've felt bad about that for some time. I don't think you need to be too afraid of her response -- most people respond well to a heartfelt apology unless they've been driven over and backed up on a few times. If you decide you'd like to explore the possibility of seeing if she still has feelings for you, contact her with a more open-ended and personal call, saying you were glad to see her recently and were surprised at how many feelings came up when you did. You don't need to specify what those were right off, but she'll know at least some of them were good, since you're calling. You don't know that she's single, of course, so that's got to come up early on if she doesn't mention it first. Be prepared for rejection. There's no way to avoid that in a case like this, where your ex probably has some bad memories (otherwise, you'd still be together). If you're really just thinking about contacting her to satisfy some curiosity, leave it go. It's not considerate of her feelings to stir them back up by putting yourself in her way. Ask a mutual friend or acquaintance if you just can't stand not knowing. But, be aware that that person might let her know you've been asking around. -- uriel
Author seeking_closure04 Posted August 5, 2004 Author Posted August 5, 2004 Thanks uriel. I'm sorry I haven't responded soon enough, but I've been really giving it a lot of thought. Yes, I do want to "test the waters", but most importantly, I still need to apologize to her before anything else is said. What I can safely say is that if I see her again, I'll have to spill everything out but I realize that things might not go the way I'd like for them too. I'm not ashamed to admit my faults and my mistakes, but then again, she already knows them. The only problem now is finding a way to tell her everything I've been feeling since we broke up.
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