iris219 Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Interesting that mostly everybody responded that they would more or less give up on love and find 'other' pursuits of life to keep them busy and fulfilled. Then perhaps someone would see them for who they are, and forget about their outside packaging. Despite what everybody says about looks not mattering in the end, without any significant physical attractiveness to draw the opposite/same sex, it seems a love life is ultimately a luxury which may or may not materialize... Sounds daunting, doesn't it? All in all, I think most people don't realize just how many people have problems attracting a single person, let alone someone they are attracted to. It's more common than most people think. There are all sorts of reasons why some people don't or can't attract others; being physically unattractive is only one of these reasons. There is NOT someone for everyone. Some people will end up alone. This has little to do with what they look like. What else can they do other than just live their lives? It’s possible to live a full, rewarding life without a romantic partner. It’s possible to be both single and happy (I know--I’m proof of this).
somedude81 Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Then why do you post about how you can't find any men to date?
iris219 Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Then why do you post about how you can't find any men to date? For the same reason others post here. For support and advice. I would like to meet a man, but that doesn't mean I'm not happy with my life. My life is good and I'm content. I understand that I may never meet a man (which seems likely at this point), but I can accept that. I can still enjoy my life.
TaraMaiden Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 How does dating a fat, ugly girl sound lucky?? And I DO work out but am still overweight for my size (5' and 120 pounds.) Honestly, if you guys have such low standards, you really CAN find anyone to date. There are plenty of fat ugly girls out there who need love. I'm 4'10" and weigh slightly more. My doctor assures me I am not fat. Not anywhere near that category, medically or physically. At all. Sure, I'm carrying extra weight around my hips, but approaching the menopause, that's only to be expected. 120lbs and 5'?? No way is that fat. Absolutely no way at all, whatsoever.
Mrlonelyone Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 (edited) I thought about this question a bit. If no one was ever even attracted to me, even if they weren't down for a relationship, zero attraction period. I would move to a shack in Montana and send out very angry letters and packages. Just kidding. I would throw myself into my work and try to exorcise anything that could remind me of love, family, or coupled life. I would try to see if medical intervention could relieve me of the emotional drives for sex or companionship, as they would only cause me pain. Edited October 2, 2012 by Mrlonelyone
Imajerk17 Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 How does dating a fat, ugly girl sound lucky?? And I DO work out but am still overweight for my size (5' and 120 pounds.) Honestly, if you guys have such low standards, you really CAN find anyone to date. There are plenty of fat ugly girls out there who need love. Hmmm. I wrote a girl online who lists her height at 5'0" (5' even) and 135 pounds. I wrote her because I think she is cute.... (and yes she posted full body shots)
El Brujo Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 I'd make large amounts of money. Seconded. Or to be less specific, become a catch. Then, when you and most of the opposite sex are over 80, you'll be happily sitting pretty with all you accomplished, while those of the opposite sex will be sitting in their wheelchairs in some nursing home, wondering why they never got a quality partner. I don't need no woman if I'm going to write books that will make me rich.
verhrzn Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Let me get this straight. Even if that were true, I'm sure many of the guys who do poorly in relationships, myself included would be extremely happy to date a girl they liked, even if she felt like she couldn't do any better. You are aware right that some guys actually pay money to be with girls who don't actually like them? As long as the girl doesn't actually complain that all she has is me or put me down, then I'll be fine with it. Since it sounds like your BF isn't actually complaining either, it really sounds like it's all in your head. Frankly, you should be glad you're female. With that mentality, you'd be forever alone if you were a guy. Tell ya what, you try it. Go date a prostitute who you really like, but is just screwing you for the money. Or a girl who is constantly complaining to you about how none of the hot "bad boys" want her. Honestly, the situation I'm in is just the female equivalent of the Friend Zone. In the Friend Zone, a girl will use a guy for emotional intimacy but not be romantically interested in him. I just get used for sex, until something better comes along. I am constantly amazed at how many guys seem quite all right with the idea of being used.
SmileFace Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Tell ya what, you try it. Go date a prostitute who you really like, but is just screwing you for the money. Or a girl who is constantly complaining to you about how none of the hot "bad boys" want her. Honestly, the situation I'm in is just the female equivalent of the Friend Zone. In the Friend Zone, a girl will use a guy for emotional intimacy but not be romantically interested in him. I just get used for sex, until something better comes along. I am constantly amazed at how many guys seem quite all right with the idea of being used. Yet you have a boyfriend! I can't even get that. 2
verhrzn Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 I'm 4'10" and weigh slightly more. My doctor assures me I am not fat. Not anywhere near that category, medically or physically. At all. Sure, I'm carrying extra weight around my hips, but approaching the menopause, that's only to be expected. 120lbs and 5'?? No way is that fat. Absolutely no way at all, whatsoever. Well you might not be "fat" because you carry it evenly, and are also at an age where a little weight gain is expected. I'm 27, and haven't had children yet (childbirth seems notorious for screwing up your hormones and forcing your body to retain weight.) If I can't be skinny now, when I'm young, how the heck am I ever gonna manage it when I'm older? I also carry it almost all in my stomach. Even now my arms and legs are very skinny but I have a huge protruding belly. Either way, glad you feel comfortable with your body.
somedude81 Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Yet you have a boyfriend! I can't even get that. That's what I was thinking. So what is he V, your boyfriend or fu*k buddy?
verhrzn Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Yet you have a boyfriend! I can't even get that. That doesn't mean anything. I've dated several guys, and every single one of them said, either during or after the break-up, that they didn't even really like me, and dated me out of boredom/desperation. I know it seems to blow your guys' minds, but it is totally possible to date someone without necessarily liking them. Humans are weird, complex creatures. Being in a relationship doesn't mean jack.
SmileFace Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 That doesn't mean anything. I've dated several guys, and every single one of them said, either during or after the break-up, that they didn't even really like me, and dated me out of boredom/desperation. I know it seems to blow your guys' minds, but it is totally possible to date someone without necessarily liking them. Humans are weird, complex creatures. Being in a relationship doesn't mean jack. Have you been in a actual relationship? Because it doesn't seem like you are differentiating between dating and a relationship.
verhrzn Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Have you been in a actual relationship? Because it doesn't seem like you are differentiating between dating and a relationship. Well if by actual relationship, you mean they called me their girlfriend, introduced me to their friends and partners, then yep, been in those. Those are the experiences I'm talking about.
SmileFace Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Well if by actual relationship, you mean they called me their girlfriend, introduced me to their friends and partners, then yep, been in those. Those are the experiences I'm talking about. Do these guys treat you good intially. I mean how do you stay in a relationship with someone who tells you that they are with you out of desperation. Plus who really ends up in a relationship out of desperation. That makes no sense to me.
somedude81 Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Well if by actual relationship, you mean they called me their girlfriend, introduced me to their friends and partners, then yep, been in those. Those are the experiences I'm talking about. And is that what you have now with the current guy?
verhrzn Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Do these guys treat you good intially. I mean how do you stay in a relationship with someone who tells you that they are with you out of desperation. Plus who really ends up in a relationship out of desperation. That makes no sense to me. Because usually by the time the signs start popping up, I'm already investigated and really into the guy. The choice becomes, keep dating a guy I like (even if he isn't into me), or be alone. I can't say for sure, but it seems to have something to do with the guys being nerds. They hate confrontation, and are really passive overall... so they just let me steer the relationship, do all the heavy lifting, and then are too nervous about getting into a fight by breaking up with me. They'll try to make me angry by doing passive-aggressive things (making comments, flirting with other girls, etc.) but when I confront them, they get too shy and scared to admit they want out. It isn't until they are forced into a corner (usually by starting to date someone else) that they finally just force themselves to do it.
SmileFace Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Because usually by the time the signs start popping up, I'm already investigated and really into the guy. The choice becomes, keep dating a guy I like (even if he isn't into me), or be alone. I can't say for sure, but it seems to have something to do with the guys being nerds. They hate confrontation, and are really passive overall... so they just let me steer the relationship, do all the heavy lifting, and then are too nervous about getting into a fight by breaking up with me. They'll try to make me angry by doing passive-aggressive things (making comments, flirting with other girls, etc.) but when I confront them, they get too shy and scared to admit they want out. It isn't until they are forced into a corner (usually by starting to date someone else) that they finally just force themselves to do it. Hmm, I guess it goes with the guys you are dating. Ie. your nice guy thread of sorts. That makes more sense. You seem to be dating guys who are bery much like yourself. Rather have someone than have nobody. You are allowing your self to be a starter girl.Shrugs ... A never ending cycle. Thanks for elaborating.
xxoo Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 I'm starting to really like you. Unfortunately, I think your mentality is quite rare... Thanks for the compliment! I'm far from typical , but I don't think it is so rare to connect with someone average looking and then find them VERY attractive. This happens a lot in the workplace, and it is evident a lot in affairs. Perfectly normal, average looking, 40+ year old married folk have torrid office place affairs, simply because they spend so much time together, get too close, have poor boundaries---and then BOOM, this is the "love of their life". Affairs are not all about being hot, tall, rich, or having a six pack. The most average looking people have torrid affairs all the time.
Necris Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Thanks for the compliment! I'm far from typical , but I don't think it is so rare to connect with someone average looking and then find them VERY attractive. This happens a lot in the workplace, and it is evident a lot in affairs. Perfectly normal, average looking, 40+ year old married folk have torrid office place affairs, simply because they spend so much time together, get too close, have poor boundaries---and then BOOM, this is the "love of their life". Affairs are not all about being hot, tall, rich, or having a six pack. The most average looking people have torrid affairs all the time. The people who can't get a relationship are below average in some way, most people on the planet in a relationship are average. I do find it funny some people talk about being average or plain like its bad but its just well... average, average plain people do not look bad, but aren't spectacular either.
xxoo Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 The people who can't get a relationship are below average in some way, most people on the planet in a relationship are average. I do find it funny some people talk about being average or plain like its bad but its just well... average, average plain people do not look bad, but aren't spectacular either. We are all below average in some way. Everyone could point to something as the reason they are failing (beyond their control). But then go to Walmart....or watch trashy reality tv.... and you will find many "below average" couples partnered up and going about their lives. Most of the people who struggle with relationships are average--because most people are average. People who struggle come from all groups: attractive, average, and unattractive. But most are average.
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