Ex-bf contacted me

October 2, 2012

It had been 16 days NC since I told him that I can't be his friend and we are going to have to go our separate ways. I told him to please not give me his number when he changed it and don't contact me at all unless he has something important to say.

He emailed me last night and said, "Hi"

My whole body started to shake and I was in shock. I had to pinch myself.

I wrote back and he told me, "I've been missing you, but I know it would be unwise and too hard to see you" (WHAT?! HE BROKE UP WITH ME!) He told me how he had this dream about me and he woke up in the middle of the night and missed me more. He said he was scared to talk to me because he was afraid to ask things he might not want to know. He then called me from his new number and we talked a little bit (small talk) before he had to go to work. Then we got off the phone and he texted me, "I still wanted to talk, can I call you tomorrow?"

I said, "Yes."

I didn't say I missed him back or anything. I was just kind of short.

I don't know what to think...

October 2, 2012

Anyone?!

********

October 2, 2012

Went back and read your threads. Much of the same. Break contact, resume contact. Lather, rinse, repeat. I don't know what's different this time around. Hopefully he wants to talk about what's "important".

October 2, 2012

This was predictable. Did you read any of the fallback girl thread? They can't commit to you and they can't commit to being without you, either. This is proof.

If you don't want to engage him again and end up right back where you are now (only it will be even worse and you'll just feel more dumb), you need to ignore him. Shut the door and KEEP IT SHUT. He is just seeing if you're still around pining for him to boost his ego. And you just proved that you are.

NOTHING HAS CHANGED. NOTHING HAS CHANGED. NOTHING HAS CHANGED.

October 2, 2012

Amen to DRSEuSSGIRL! That is exactly what he's doing and pretty much what everyone is saying is correct. @DrSEUSSGIRL I have the book about the Fallback Girl. I couldn't put that book down. I've finished it and it is very helpful and a excellent read.

@younginlove

You have to stop dealing with this guy. You are leaving the door open for him to keep coming back and what Gibson said is really true! He will walk all over you when he has nothing else going on and keep sleeping with you until he finds a new prospect and then he's outta there again. Girl stop the relationship insanity by doing the same things and expecting different results. If he's back and forth like this he hasn't changed and he will keep doing it because he knows that you will be there. Gibson said it, eventually he will drop you for good and end up with someone who won't put up with the back and forth. Close that door for good. You can either ignore him(which I strongly suggest) or tell him to kick rocks when he contacts you again. Whether you let him know or not, you need to close that door without letting him get a foot in it. All you're doing is stalling your healing and lowering your chances at finding happiness with someone who'll respect you and love you the way you should be.

I haven't seen my ex in 3 months as of tomorrow. I have not contacted him not once since 7/26. He's tried texting me, twice on 8/3 and again 9/19 to which I ignored him and it feels good!!!! The first text shook me up cause I didn't expect it, but I feel empowered by not responding. You take your power back when you ignore them & it's an insult to their little ego boost that they're looking for. It lets him know that you don't care, that you don't need him, that he's not that special or that nice of a guy. Stop helping him ease his guilt and boosting his ego. Love yourself girl & put your foot down. You can do it!

October 2, 2012

STOP RESPONDING TO TEXTS!

you were doing great at NC. why didn't you post here instead???!?

October 2, 2012

he said "hi"?

that's intense, good thing you replied to that.

going NC means GOING NC.

you obviously don't want to stay NC if you reply to something as stupid and simple as "hi".

October 2, 2012

why do you want to take his call tomorrow? what good can possibly come of that? the *only* thing that will come back is that you'll get right back into your old cycle, you remember, the one that worked so well for you before, that was so pleasant to go through. you loved that, right?

The best thing you can now do is not take his call

October 2, 2012

Amen to DRSEuSSGIRL! That is exactly what he's doing and pretty much what everyone is saying is correct. @DrSEUSSGIRL I have the book about the Fallback Girl. I couldn't put that book down. I've finished it and it is very helpful and a excellent read.

@younginlove

You have to stop dealing with this guy. You are leaving the door open for him to keep coming back and what Gibson said is really true! He will walk all over you when he has nothing else going on and keep sleeping with you until he finds a new prospect and then he's outta there again. Girl stop the relationship insanity by doing the same things and expecting different results. If he's back and forth like this he hasn't changed and he will keep doing it because he knows that you will be there. Gibson said it in so many words. You're gonna keep wasting time & investing your feelings. Then when you start looking for him to contact you won't hear from him. He'll have moved on to a woman who won't put up with the back and forth& happy. Close that door for good. Those few little nights or days of sex isn't worth it. Trust me, I've been there. You'll enjoy him and the feeling at that time, but once he leaves to go back to his life you'll be empty wishing he could give you more. You should read those threads, you will read posts about countless numbers of women who kept going back and how the guy eventually dumped them or just disappeared leaving them to pick up the pieces. This is why I had to end it after 5 years with the one I was dealing with. I was lucky that I became strong enough to walk away though. So, he didn't get the pleasure of coming back into my bed or getting to dump me.

You can either ignore him(which I strongly suggest) or tell him to kick rocks when he contacts you again. Whether you let him know or not, you need to close that door without letting him get a foot in it. All you're doing is stalling your healing and lowering your chances at finding happiness with someone who'll respect you and love you the way you should be.

I haven't seen my ex in 3 months as of tomorrow. I have not contacted him not once since 7/26. He's tried texting me, twice on 8/3 and again 9/19 to which I ignored him and it feels good!!!! The first text shook me up cause I didn't expect it, but I feel empowered by not responding. You take your power back when you ignore them & it's an insult to their little ego boost that they're looking for. It lets him know that you don't care, that you don't need him, that he's not that special or that nice of a guy. Stop helping him ease his guilt and boosting his ego. Love yourself girl & put your foot down. You can do it!

October 2, 2012

Only you know the true and fine details of what you had, but to a lot of us that followed your story, we only read that headline as "It's been 9 days since he took his love penis away." You had much invested in the relationship emotionally, he invested enough to get what he wanted and nothing more. I only bring this up because he will make contact in the future if he has a particularly dry-spell; he knows how to get into your pants, all it would really take is an out-of-the-blue "I never knew how much I loved you until I didn't have you" line and boom, you'll be back here but starting over on day one.

Thanks Floored from a week ago, I'll take it from here. He is lonely, horny, knows you are the same way and will do that 'magical' thing he does to get back with you. Since you don't know what to think, I'll loan you a thought:

"I bet he just wants to get into my pants, and although I'm aching for both some sex and for him, I want to respect myself by not allowing this man to treat me like a sex doll."

If you think that something has changed in the last two weeks, please think again. The only thing that's changed is that he's probably having a hard time finding a girl who will put up with his egocentric bull* long enough to sleep with him. He wants control again, and he can control you. Seriously, I know you're torn emotionally, but quit wasting your thoughts and efforts on this loser.

October 2, 2012

just a quick voice of possible reason and calm - no one is attacking you here, people here, self included, want to see you do great things for yourself, they respond strongly because they don't want to see you continue to suffer. I was too sharp on my response, and I apologize for that, the message was right but the delivery was off. I hope you'll take what the others have posted here in the spirit that it was offered

October 2, 2012

????

I'm really confused as to why you even took the bait here. You told him not to contact you unless he had something important to say. You even highlighted that fact... and then he says...

"Hi."

Was that really all so important? You have the Fallback girl book, you have all the support here... WHY WHY WHY do you continue dabbling with this person? The person who flat out told you you are NOT IT. You don't do it for him. He'll never be able to give you what you want.

There is no love here. Only a severe cycle of co-dependency.

You still are hoping. And wishing. You will NEVER move on until you get rid of that mentality. This guy is NOT for you.

But by all means take the phone call. Fall back into this painful, and frankly pointless cycle of dysfunction. You will never be in a happy relationship with this guy. You won't marry this guy and ride off into the sunset, have 2.5 kids and live in a house with a white picket fence.

There is no future here. There is no happiness, or health here. Only hurt. Pain. Use. Abuse.

October 3, 2012

@Katzee the book was a real eye opener for me. After all that I read in it, even if I was tempted to go back I wouldn't. That book has over 400 pages in it and I read it in a week. It also let me know that I made the right decision without a doubt. This cycle of going back and forth to them is like opening the door to a thief and repeatedly inviting him into your home. There's no happy ending no matter what you do with this type of guy. You either walk away with your self-respect and hurt for a while OR you lose yourself in them while allowing them to use you until they discard you like trash. There is absolutely no winning with someone who does this. I know this from experience. smh

October 3, 2012

If you ever want this guy to start respecting you. Stop replying to him. And if you want him back, which from the sounds of it you do? Replying to him will not get him back.. Actually your only chance of getting him back is to ignore him. Sorry girl

the Hi was just pathetic

October 3, 2012

@Katzee the book was a real eye opener for me. After all that I read in it, even if I was tempted to go back I wouldn't. That book has over 400 pages in it and I read it in a week. It also let me know that I made the right decision without a doubt. This cycle of going back and forth to them is like opening the door to a thief and repeatedly inviting him into your home. There's no happy ending no matter what you do with this type of guy. You either walk away with your self-respect and hurt for a while OR you lose yourself in them while allowing them to use you until they discard you like trash. There is absolutely no winning with someone who does this. I know this from experience. smh

Likewise. I picked up that book from my mailbox and read over 200 pages of it within the first two hours. It was kind of hard to stop once I started because my ex hit EVERY.SINGLE.MARK of being Mr. Unavailable. I kept waiting to be able to skip pages and be like, "Oh this wasn't me..." But sadly that time never came, and I realized I was reading with my mouth hanging open. That book was the story of my entire life. My entire relationship with him.

These people really drain you of everything you are. My ex stole my self-esteem, my confidence, any respect I had for myself. And this happened so slowly that I never really saw it until the very end. I hated myself. I did everything for him and as you said, he threw me out like garbage.

My ex has no clue what love is. I now look back on how he treated his ex, and now how he's treated me. He has no clue how to love someone, how to actually care for someone for who they are. I miss him on occasion, and when I do, I read the book, and I really remember how he made me feel. He didn't make me feel special, or loved, or cared for, or supported. He made me feel worthless. He always acted better than me. He made me feel stupid. He made me feel alone.

No matter how much I have ever missed him, I would never allow myself to go back to that.

October 3, 2012

So is mr. unavailable always the type to contact you after a certain time of NC..

And what if you ignore them, do they keep trying?

October 3, 2012

@Katzee OMG same thing here!!!! Exactly the same. I was thinking while reading with my mouth open too and thinking woooow.... I can't believe this is me too!

@Svet From what I've read some will and some won't. I started no contact with him on 7/27 and he's contacted me twice since then. Once 8/3 and a second time on 9/19. It also depends on if you've set a pattern with them. I had a pattern of being mad at him for something that he did that would hurt me, but after about a month(no longer than 2 mos) I would go back &contact him. Yeah I was a pathetic weakling. So it's no surprise to me that he's tried. I'm sure that he didn't take me seriously. He probably thought that I was just mad since the b/u happened on 7/18 and decided he would try on 8/3 and by then I would have cooled off. So, when he tried again on 9/19 he probably was a bit surprised that I ignored him. I ignored him on both attempts. So, my guess is after that time he probably knows that I'm done with him so I'm not sure if he will try anymore.

Besides that he has a gf who lives with him. So he probably was only contacting me for a ego-boost or booty call. It's not like he's going to or has even tried to apologize or anything. Those texts were "Hey" and the other "What's up". Not much apologizing there. So I figure he won't anymore. But who knows? He surprised me when he sent those texts, I didn't think that I would get that from him. So, you never know. It would do me good if he didn't though. He started out as the most sweetest, charming, handsome man that I'd ever met. He eventually became a man whom I didn't know at all anymore. I was nothing more than a woman he used for sex after year 2 with him. He verbally abused me so bad, there's no way in hell I would go back to him. His new gf can have that crap.

I have read different stories though about women who had men continue trying , others who they didn't hear anything more from(of course ONLY after ignoring them), and others who waited months or even years and tried coming back. The thing is that the ones who accepted them back were either eventually dumped while he moved on to another or they just disappeared off of the face of the earth and never returned. Like I said, no happy ending no matter what. So, your best bet is to walk away or be dumped by them and move on. Let the new woman have that problem. So, to answer your question Svet it just depends.

October 3, 2012

lovejoy,

the same would happen with me, i would get mad at my ex or fed up, call him out on it and go NC. 3 week later he would contact me like nothing is wrong. Probably to just make sure i got over it. And then the cycle would begin again, of course never did he apologize nor ask me back. when i would bring up the relationship again he would say i told you its over. Then agan back to NC. this happened for about a year.

Then came my breaking point. we were talking again and i herd that he was dating someone and was soon planning on marrying her in the spring. I called him up, called him out on it and blocked his number. He then calls three weeks later from a blocked number, i picked up, he asked for a favor, I said no then asked when he was gonna return my money that he owes me. he said 3 weeks. 3 weeks later i made contact with him about the money, he again said needed more time, So i told him to just call when he got it. From what im seeing i dont think that him and that girl are no longer together. But he dis respected me so much and this was the first time he did so with another girl involved so i dont want to let him talk to me because then he will think he can do it again, get girlfriends and then know that il always take him back.. No way. we attend the same church so he basically just watches me from the side. I ignore his presence at all costs.

How do you think im doing?

October 3, 2012

hmmm. she hasn't checked back in, not good

shining the bat light for youngnlove89, come in, over

October 3, 2012

shes having sex with her ex right about now lol

October 3, 2012

Thanks for the concern, I'm here. My computer at home broke so I can only type when I'm at work. And second of all, I got shingles so I'm in pain and not feeling well.

As for my ex, we are talking for now. I'll figure it all out. I don't know what to do. Well I do, but for someone I can't do what is right.

My heart has more control over my mind right now unfortunately.

October 3, 2012

shes having sex with her ex right about now lol

Not right now, but we did last night.

Go on, you can all cyberly bash me!

Have fun, I'm going to rest now!

I'll come back later and read all the hurtful comments...

October 3, 2012

well good luck. Just dont make another post when this whole talking to my ex thing fails. cuz unfortuantly no one will reply

October 3, 2012

Not right now, but we did last night.

Go on, you can all cyberly bash me!

Have fun, I'm going to rest now!

I'll come back later and read all the hurtful comments...

Hahaha! wow, and again he got what he wants. Your so easy!!

October 3, 2012

no one wants to be hurtful. but its hard from this end of the keyboard to 'watch' you continue to fall down the hole and prolong the pain that you were doing so well to start moving past.

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