Don't think I'll ever shake him. :(

[SoulOnFire]

Hey, everyone. Just stumbled across this forum looking for good heartbreak songs for a playlist. I thought maybe I could unload here and get some advice, or at least a few cyber ears from some people who understand what I'm going through.

 

It's been a year since my biyfriend left me. 14 months to be exact. We were together for a year, and we were inseperable. He made me feel like no one ever did; lika a princess, like the most beautiful girl in the world. i never knew love could be so amazing. He was my heart, my soul, my all. Like, after a year, i'd still get butterflies when he'd walk into the room and I still felt like the luckiest girl alive in his arms. It hurt in my chest when he was away. He always said the same thing. Always. We were so close all the time. Then, this new girl started working with him. I didn't even think about it. I trusted him completely. They struck up a friendship (or so I thought). Again, I just thought that it was him being him...friendly, a good guy. Well, they started hanging out a lot, and when he was around he was just different. He wasn't as close to me anymore. I still thought maybe it was because he hadn't been feeling well, and he was just run down. Boy was I naive.

 

I found out via FACEBOOK that they were a "thing". He had a work function that was "just a little work thing". I said fine...and then on his Facebook, one of his friends posted "it was great hanging with you and your lady tonight. Congrats, man." I was like WTF? Came to find out there was no work function. He was out with her.

 

When I confronted him, all he could say was "I'm sorry". He moved out that weekend, and within a month they were living together. They're still together and seem very happy. I've tried dating, but just can't get passed him. I compare others to him and no one matches up. All I can think about is him. I see him and it breaks my heart. Occasionally he'll call me and tell me he's sorry and he still cares for me, and it just hurts more.

 

I worry about him. I worry that she doesn't take care of him properly. I miss him. I need him. They say everyone has a "one". If he's not mine, I don't know who is. Nothing has felt more right, therefore nothing has crushed my heart more than this.

 

He was in the hospital a couple of weeks ago for bleeding ulcers. She was out of town. Of course, I ran up there. Sitting there with him, watching bull**** on TV and holding his hand, it was like we'd never parted. I felt a warmth and a serenity I hadn't felt since he left when I hugged him. Now she's back and they're still in love and I am still alone.

 

How the hell do I get passed this???

[Hurt-88]

I just wanted to reply to your post cuz I know what your going through read my post if you want and you see what I mean. I was with my boyfriend for 7 years he is denying he went to a club saturday night but I got a recording to prove it you will need to read my post to know what I mean lol he doent know that I am going to end it with him on Saturday I dont want to but what choice have I got I also feel as tho he was the one I have been crying all day I dont know how Im going to get through it either

[SoulOnFire]

Oh, I forgot to add...this bitch...a poem he wrote for me when we were together, she got a line from it tattooed on her ribs.

 

I mean, really? He didn't even know you when he wrote it, and it pertained to things in my life he vowed to protect me from. What gives her the right?

[TaraMaiden]

Don't take it out on her, he's the low-life cheater who has the gall to still yank your chain and shred your heart.

For the record, you haven't been broken up a year.

You've been broken up two weeks.

because every single time you speak to him, connect with him or have anything directly to do with him - you plummet all the way back to square one.

 

I wonder if he tells her he is still in touch with you? I wonder if she knows that you held his hand and stayed with him in hospital? Did he ask you to do that?

How did you know she'd be away so that the coast would be clear?

If this is all from him, then he's a really low scum-dweller.... because he thinks absolutely nothing of throwing you down and grinding your heart under his heel.

 

I bet she doesn't know it was 'your poem', either....I bet he told her he wrote it for her....I bet if you contacted her on FB and quoted the poem at her, and asked her whether she knew it's your poem, that would surprise her. As would your telling her that you held his hand in Hospital.

 

You need to stop all of this, any contact, once and for all; the reason you can't get over him is because he won't let you - and you're not helping yourself.

 

Take the rosy spectacles off. He was perfectly content to cheat on you, without doing anything to really conceal the fact. That's how little he cared then, and he cares even less now.

Your Mr Perfect took advantage of your adoration. I'm absolutely certain he knew, absolutely, how you felt about him.

He didn't feel the same way about you - because if he had - he would still be with you. And he was already feeling luke-warm about your relationship - otherwise he wouldn't have been ready to give her an opening.

Stop putting him on a pedestal. The line of the poem - on her body - is the level of contempt with which he holds you.

 

And her.

[SoulOnFire]

TaraMaiden-I agree with everything you say. But I know he loved me...the passion we had before she came along...I wouldn't think one could fake that. And it was like, just, as soon as he met her, his interest changed. I don't understand what I did.

 

As far as when he was in the hospital, I didn't know the coast "was clear". A mutual friend told me he'd visited him in the hospital and I asked what he was there for. He told him his stomach was messed up again, and I went up to see him. When I got there and she wasn't there, I asked where she was. He said she was in Boston visiting her family. I stayed because I knew he was hurting and it killed me.

 

Even if I don't have contact with him, I can't shake him. Something always reminds me of him. A song...a certain episode of a TV show....someone will say something that reminds me of things he used to say...whatever, it just makes me think of him.

[I'm nuts]

I wonder if he tells her he is still in touch with you?

 

Good point.

 

I wonder why so many people view their (ex)partners with such rose tinted glasses, 'we were perfect', 'we were so happy', slap in the face time, oh no you weren't, it was all just an illusion, wakey wakey time.

[geegirl]

What does it say about this passion and love that was so strong when it's able to turn around so quickly. Think about it. Romanticizing can be detrimental.

 

Don't be upset with this woman. She didn't do anything wrong. Your anger should be focused on him. I bet he told her he wrote the poem for her. That should send you off the charts. But yet, you hold his hand.

 

Of course you can't shake him. It's only been two weeks of NC. It gets worse before it gets better. The thing is, it's painful being on NC. Is it less painful breaking contact and latching onto someone that is choosing not to be with you? Nope. At least the former will get you to a better place. The latter will just keep you miserable indefinitely.

 

He is your source of pain. He cannot comfort you. He only adds to your misery. Feel the pain and discomfort. It is the only way to move on.

 

And the next time you want to run to the hospital, step back for a minute and imagine. Soon after you care for him, this man will go back to sleeping with this woman, eating with this woman, laughing with this woman, cuddling with this woman, kissing this woman, etc. Imagine and let it make you sick. Then you will wake up. Don't just react on your emotions. Find the reality in all of this.

[SoulOnFire]

I guess it's not entirely her fault...but she did know about me. I met her a couple of times. She acted so nice to my face and told me how lucky I was...blah, blah, blah. All the while, she was screwing him.

 

I guess they're both *******s and deserve each other. It's just...I don't feel like I can be strong without him. We met and fell in love at a very vulnerable time in my life, and he saved me. He gave me strength and self worth, and I feel like that was all bull**** now.

 

I am sure I sound pathetic. I feel pathetic. I am really trying, but I feel like I'm trying to win a marathon by running in place.

[SoulOnFire]

It's like the more I try NOT to think about him, the more I do. I've lost desire to do so many of the things I love. I am almost always nauseous, no matter how long I sleep, I am so exhausted everything is a chore. I just...i don't know what to do to actually get over him. I know I have to. I just don't know how.

[geegirl]

It's just...I don't feel like I can be strong without him. We met and fell in love at a very vulnerable time in my life, and he saved me. He gave me strength and self worth, and I feel like that was all bull**** now.

 

I am sure I sound pathetic. I feel pathetic. I am really trying, but I feel like I'm trying to win a marathon by running in place.

 

It's not about him being strong. It's about you being dependent.

 

Wrong. You don't get your self-worth from someone else. You develop it from within. You became an extension of him. You can't feel good about yourself if someone isn't there to make you feel good about YOU.

 

Now that he is gone, you're incomplete again. Don't depend on others to help you find value in yourself because when you do that, you have nothing when they cease to validate you. Find your own inner strengths and validate your own worth and value.

[TaraMaiden]

Absolutely spot on. I often comment the same way myself.

Your happiness is NOT dependent on the presence of a SO and to put that load on them is unfair on them, and does you an injustice too.

You feel only half the person you were because you've abdicated half of your worth to worship someone else.

 

Give yourself marks out of ten - then realise that this is the mark you are giving to the one thing you can count on to always be there for you, more than any other person.