GoBomb36 Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Ok, I decided to try this whole NC thing, and after the last message I sent my ex-girlfriend yesterday, I decided to let that be it. Well, I just got a reply from that message this morning, a few minutes ago. What do I do?? Thanks, guys! The message I sent was about how things would be different this time, and her reply was, "There was more than one chance for you to have that but you didn't want it."
SoulOnFire Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Ok, I decided to try this whole NC thing, and after the last message I sent my ex-girlfriend yesterday, I decided to let that be it. Well, I just got a reply from that message this morning, a few minutes ago. What do I do?? Thanks, guys! The message I sent was about how things would be different this time, and her reply was, "There was more than one chance for you to have that but you didn't want it." Text her back. Tell her you DID want it...you just didn't know how to express it. The time you've spent without her has made you realize what you need to do and things will be better this time.
Balzac Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Her message reads line a "no" to me. With the tone of it, what possible response from you moves things forward?
TopCat22 Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Agree with her and tell her you made a huge mistake. She sounds like she's done, but owning up to you mistakes (if you actually made them) can leave a good impression with someone. At this point what do you have to lose?
SoulOnFire Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Her message reads line a "no" to me. With the tone of it, what possible response from you moves things forward? from a girl's perpective...it doesn't necessarily read as a no. I sounds to me more like a "why should I? I have before to no avail." A prove it to me tactic. Maybe a probably not, but not a definite no. 2
geegirl Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Ok, I decided to try this whole NC thing, and after the last message I sent my ex-girlfriend yesterday, I decided to let that be it. Well, I just got a reply from that message this morning, a few minutes ago. What do I do?? Thanks, guys! The message I sent was about how things would be different this time, and her reply was, "There was more than one chance for you to have that but you didn't want it." It doesn't sound like a "no" to me. Sounds like she's leaving the door open in that maybe you can tell her why this time it's going to be different. Tell her why you want it and make it good! Speak your truth and hopefully she accepts it. You have nothing to lose. If she says no, then you tried. 2
Author GoBomb36 Posted October 2, 2012 Author Posted October 2, 2012 So, just a reply to say I messed up, didn't know how to express it, and things will be different? I had that notion, but wasn't sure. I just want to make srue I say the right thing here...I feel that if she was truly over the idea and didn't have feelings for me, she would just ignore me, like my last ex did...right??
SoulOnFire Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 So, just a reply to say I messed up, didn't know how to express it, and things will be different? I had that notion, but wasn't sure. I just want to make srue I say the right thing here...I feel that if she was truly over the idea and didn't have feelings for me, she would just ignore me, like my last ex did...right?? Personally, if I had no desire to come back to someone at all, I wouldn't open a line of conversation...especially an open ended one such as this to implore them to plead their case. 1
Calico Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 I agree with Balzac, I read that as a "no", and that this is over. I'd not respond to it and for once not do what's expected, because what can you really do? Beg more? You presumably have done your fair share of that already. But you can try, a single day of NC is a small price.
Balzac Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 from a girl's perpective...it doesn't necessarily read as a no. I sounds to me more like a "why should I? I have before to no avail." A prove it to me tactic. Maybe a probably not, but not a definite no. I can see your feminine POV, definitely. It's her way of extracting more discussion from him but honestly, how can text conversations lead to anything other than a meet up to in person conversation? I'm more of a "past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior" not that I don't believe people can grow or change. Nice comment though. 1
DavidG Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 (edited) Respond to it man. To me that seems like a door left open. If not, you'll have your answer when she responds but I would definitely not leave that unanswered. Edited October 2, 2012 by DavidG
SoulOnFire Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Balzac-I agree with you in the "past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior" perspective, but in some instances people do change. And her opening the lines of communication seems to me that she's open to the possibility. Maybe it will lead to a meeting in person and they'll realize either they're both in the right place to move forward with their relationship, or they can put a closure to it so he can move on.
Author GoBomb36 Posted October 2, 2012 Author Posted October 2, 2012 I do appreciate all of the replies...well, i gave it a crack at it, and responded with this. Opinions, please. "I did want it, I just let everything else that was changing consume me. This time without you has really made me realize what I need, and that is what you were trying to give me along. Without you, I see how unimportant all of the other things I prioritized in front of you were. I'm not trying to confuse you, but trying to show you things would be like they were in the beginning, when we were both immeasurably happy with each other." Please, be gentle!
DavidG Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 I got nothing bro, I cant even process that. Hopefully someone else can
DavidG Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 I got nothing bro, I cant even process that. Hopefully someone else can haha nevermind, I though that was HER response lol. Now its time to wait bro.
geegirl Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 I do appreciate all of the replies...well, i gave it a crack at it, and responded with this. Opinions, please. "I did want it, I just let everything else that was changing consume me. This time without you has really made me realize what I need, and that is what you were trying to give me along. Without you, I see how unimportant all of the other things I prioritized in front of you were. I'm not trying to confuse you, but trying to show you things would be like they were in the beginning, when we were both immeasurably happy with each other." Please, be gentle! You spoke from the heart. That is all you can do. If her response if positive, then mean what you say. If she declines, then you have to let it go.
Hawaii50 Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Text her back. Tell her you DID want it...you just didn't know how to express it. The time you've spent without her has made you realize what you need to do and things will be better this time. This guy has obviously dicked with her emotions enough to not deserve another chance. It's like when I was 16 and dumped my gf before summer cause I thought I'd get "more," then she amazingly took me back and I did the same thing a month later. This guy doesn't know what he wants, and until he does he will never get anything... Which IS.. my biggest complaint for women. I cannot give you what you want/need if you don't know what that is. This girl should text the OP " Kick rocks- Bitch"
Calico Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Well, you requested gentleness, so I won't write what I think.
DavidG Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 This guy has obviously dicked with her emotions enough to not deserve another chance. It's like when I was 16 and dumped my gf before summer cause I thought I'd get "more," then she amazingly took me back and I did the same thing a month later. This guy doesn't know what he wants, and until he does he will never get anything... Which IS.. my biggest complaint for women. I cannot give you what you want/need if you don't know what that is. This girl should text the OP " Kick rocks- Bitch" Sometimes people may not deserve a second chance because of their indecisiveness and because of the pain they have caused but people DO change. I tried to turn off all my emotions after my 1st big break up (7 years ago) and while I was in the Marine Corps deploying but it took me until now to realize that I am a ****ing idiot. I pushed away the best thing that has ever happened to me and I more than likely wont get her back. But I can 100% assure you that if I did, she wouldn't ever leave again. For me its been the biggest learning experience of my life and its saved me from ****ing up any future relationships.
Author GoBomb36 Posted October 2, 2012 Author Posted October 2, 2012 Sometimes people may not deserve a second chance because of their indecisiveness and because of the pain they have caused but people DO change. I tried to turn off all my emotions after my 1st big break up (7 years ago) and while I was in the Marine Corps deploying but it took me until now to realize that I am a ****ing idiot. I pushed away the best thing that has ever happened to me and I more than likely wont get her back. But I can 100% assure you that if I did, she wouldn't ever leave again. For me its been the biggest learning experience of my life and its saved me from ****ing up any future relationships. You never know, man. She may...just have to pour it out to her. I do have a question, though. What do you guys think the new dude she is hanging out with is all about? Is it a rebound? Could she really be happy and serious? I mean, she is still communicating with me about this situation. To make it even more weird, this buy is the father of one of her best friend's son.
Calico Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 I mean, she is still communicating with me about this situation. Telling you that you had enough chances already isn't exactly "communicating about the situation". Her response, or lack of response, will give you the clarity you seek, though, so don't drive yourself crazy in the meantime.
DavidG Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 (edited) You never know, man. She may...just have to pour it out to her. I do have a question, though. What do you guys think the new dude she is hanging out with is all about? Is it a rebound? Could she really be happy and serious? I mean, she is still communicating with me about this situation. To make it even more weird, this buy is the father of one of her best friend's son. There is no way for us to know man. Mine spends every waking second with the new guy. Then as you know, she came back, talked **** about him for a week and left again. We both have to ride out the new bf. I took another approach last night that ill prob get flamed for by many but it felt right. Last night I talked to numerous chicks that im close with and towards the end of the night, I felt like I had gotten over her and honestly just wanted to be friends (since we were best friends). I waited for a while to make sure it wasnt a temp feeling and hours later I was still 150% content. Very weird. Anyways, I texted her that I am completely okay with everything and some people aren't meant to be. I thanked her for opening up my eyes to realize that I cant be happy with anyone the way I acted and that she more less saved my future relationships. I went on for a while saying how I thought we were just meant to be friends and that I hope the new guy treats her great, etc. etc. She had an ex that she was best friends with actually and he got married and stopped talking to her. I even said Id like to fill that spot and if I get married, I wont bail like he did. I think I just threw a huge curve ball in there even though I meant what I said and now she may be doubtful that she can have me back. I woke up this morning (4 hours of sleep) still thinking about her like a mother ****er but Im not really mad about breaking NC the way I did. Like I said bro, there is no way for us to determine if the "rebound" will work. 9 times out of 10 it wont but itll kill us to dwell on it. Edited October 2, 2012 by DavidG
Hawaii50 Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Sometimes people may not deserve a second chance because of their indecisiveness and because of the pain they have caused but people DO change. I tried to turn off all my emotions after my 1st big break up (7 years ago) and while I was in the Marine Corps deploying but it took me until now to realize that I am a ****ing idiot. I pushed away the best thing that has ever happened to me and I more than likely wont get her back. But I can 100% assure you that if I did, she wouldn't ever leave again. For me its been the biggest learning experience of my life and its saved me from ****ing up any future relationships. I agree.. it also hit me hard and I never did it again. If care/love/wants a woman, that's what i went for. I wasn't indecisive after. Maybe this guys needs to learn this lesson, unfortunately something just can't be absorbed vicariously.
Author GoBomb36 Posted October 2, 2012 Author Posted October 2, 2012 Well guys, here is the reply I got from her. Me: "I did want it, I just let everything else that was changing consume me. This time without you has really made me realize what I need, and that is what you were trying to give me all along. Without you, I see how unimportant all of the other things I prioritized in front of you were. I'm not trying to confuse you, but trying to show you things would be like they were in the beginning, when we were both immeasurably happy with each other. That's as simple as I can put it without all the other details. I do know if you came back, I'd make you never want to leave again." Her: "I understand that but you need to quit pushing because you are pushing me away. You know I can't give you that chance right now." Me: "Ok, I understand. I just had to put it out there for you so you'd know how sincere I am about it. Just know you won't regret it if you do" Well, what now, guys? I really want this girl back.
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