Two years and my maturity.

[collegeguy_24]

Its been two years since my breakup, actually, a little more than two years since my ex left me. Admittedly it was a horrible breakup, and even she admitted it did not go the way she wanted it to, and that it was far worse than she hoped it would be.

 

With my 27th birthday tomorrow, I find myself reflecting more and more on the past. Not just her, but other things as well.

 

In regards to my ex and myself, I can honestly say I have grown so much these past two years. I have matured in ways that shock me when I think about it.

 

I was 24 and she was 19-20 when we dated. Even though I was older, she was more mature than I was. I was rather childish back then, with moments of maturity that was somewhat rare.

 

I fell head over heels in love with her, and she encouraged it, because according to her I was the most romantic guy she ever dated.

 

I always have been a romantic.

 

But I was also a bit possessive, not to much in way of actions, just thought. I also had a jealous streak a mile wide, something I tried to hide but was bad at doing do.

 

After the breakup I hit rock bottom. I had a complete, total, mental breakdown. I did things I am not proud of, such as posting her name and the name of the guy she started seeing less than a week and half after dumping me on here.

 

Throwing accusations in her face about cheating on me, when all I had was circumstantial at best. No solid evidence at all, and as a person who requires evidence for everything, it was a bit hypocritical of me.

 

 

I essentially became an alcoholic. My grades in my last semester of college suffered because of it. That entire time for me, is just one giant blur. I felt as if I had no control over my own actions.

 

But part of me feels that if I tried, I could have taken back control, I just didn't.

 

Like I said, rock bottom and not proud of it.

 

But once I hit bottom and I saw how my life was, I was determined to get back to the way I was, then beyond. To push myself to become a better man, not a boy, but a man. Because that was what I was at the time, a boy in a mans body.

 

In that two years I have grown in many ways.

 

I first started to dress better, to act like the adult I am. I rebuilt myself into something better.

 

I went out and found and made new friends as well as spent time with my old ones.

 

I went on several dates with people until I found someone new to start a relationship. (Thats another story.)

 

I finished college and went out to get a job. About a year and nine months later I still work there, but I earned a raise and more responsibilities. Two days a week I am even in command.

 

Its not the most glamorous job, but it pays well for all my hard, physical work.

 

I bought a car that is practically new, 2010 model. I paid it off in less than a year times.

 

I tried, and failed, and tried again until I was finally accepted in graduate school, and now I am working on my Masters degree.

 

I am moving out of my parents house and into a place of my own, (I stayed with my family so I could pay off debts faster.)

 

My current GF, who I met a few months after my breakup, has been with me for almost two years. First as friends, then lovers.

 

I don't know what the future holds us, whether we stay together or someday breakup.

 

But regardless of what happens, I have worked hard, and continue to work hard, to make myself a better man.

 

My ex would hardly recognize me now. If I was this way during our relationship perhaps she never would have left.

 

But that is all in hindsight. Because she left me, and because I broke down, it allowed me to see what I was, and become disgusted. It allowed me to realize what I could become, and I worked towards that.

 

I am far more mature now than I was then.

 

I am proud to say I have become the man that was sadly lacking, and I'm proud of that.

 

I no longer hold negative feelings towards her, or the guy she went to after she left.

 

I don't feel a longing for her anymore either. Sure, her and I made some good memories together, but I no longer drown myself in them, wishing for a return.

 

I haven't talked to her in two years, and part of that is my fault for going to the extreme and pushing her away because of my break down and the alcohol.

 

Right now, if we tried, her and I could become friends. But I am not going to contact her, I promised her I would not, she has to be one to do so.

 

If she does not, then I am fine with that. I am doing good right now, with a good job, GF, Grad School, my own place and new car.

 

And being a new man.

 

I am completely different then I was before, and I feel proud of what I have accomplished.

 

I don't really know why I am posting this, as this has been on my mind the past few days. I do feel better though, maybe I just needed to say something and clear the air. Writing things down has always helped me feel better and to clear my head of cluttered thoughts.

[River Rain]

I think that you've come so far and you should be proud of yourself. I said a lot of immature and nasty things to my ex when he broke things off with me, and I was tempted to start drinking to wash the pain away (haven't touched the stuff in a year come October 4th). I was on the brink of a mental collapse, but was able to pull out of it. I'm so sorry you went through that. And reading your post has empowered me more to stay on track and not fall down that path of destruction over the guy. You said you don't know why you're posting all of this, well, here's one reason, your story is helping me to stay mature and responsible. So thank you.

 

My only thought would be...don't get in touch with the ex. There is no reason for you to be friends. You've moved on and so has she. You have a good life with a girlfriend, I don't think there is a need to bring the past into your present when you worked so hard to overcome it. But that's just my opinion.

[collegeguy_24]

It it touching to know I can be an inspiration to some people. I occasionally come on here to help others now, since I am good to go.

 

I also have no intention of contacting her, after I pushed her away she said she would contact me if she wanted to, but not for me to contact her. That was after she found herself on here thanks to me. And its impossible to delete her from here to, so every google search of her name this comes up. I screwed up big on that.

 

Its been two years of no contact between us, and I doubt thats going to change. I don't need her in my life, but if she wanted to be in my life then I would accept her.

 

But nothing more than a friend though.

 

I am a friend with her mom though, who is a nice person and has actually been understanding of my behavior in the past. Doesn't excuse it, but she understands.

 

Besides, I also like to think of this: Life is way too short to hold grudges and anger and hate. It is OK for a short time, but there is no need to keep it. It only makes you miserable. Instead, just let go.

 

Its not easy, but once you let go people will be amazed at what they can accomplish.

 

As for my GF, she knows of this. It was her idea for me to try and reach out to my ex. She knows I have moved on, and I think the ex does as well, not sure.

[Sugarkane]

Can completely relate. I've been in NC I think more than 2 years. Never been contacted once. I must have meant nothing. Despite the fact that everyone on here thinks they will break NC. That's BS

[CopingGal]

People need to post more stories so others can know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Good for you.

[River Rain]

Life is way too short to hold grudges and anger and hate. It is OK for a short time, but there is no need to keep it. It only makes you miserable. Instead, just let go.

 

Its not easy, but once you let go people will be amazed at what they can accomplish.

 

I totally agree with this. It's important to grieve all loss of course, through sadness and sometimes anger helps (did for me), but I refuse to hate him because all it does is keep the anger in my present life. Instead, I chose to forgive him because he just didn't know any better. I forgave him personally though, I didn't contact him to forgive him because there is no need for that. It's really all about the self. Of course, I still feel the hurt, but time will take care of that. I've been more productive the last three days than I have in the last three months. My mindset is changing, I'm seeing the mistakes and red flags in hindsight and I'm growing as a woman. Moving on is the only decision to make, it takes some people longer than others, but once you've made that decision, life is sunnier. :-)

[collegeguy_24]

I'll admit, I have it pretty good right now. It took a lot of work to get to where I am. A lot of work to get over the anger and betrayal, and the confusion within my own mind.

 

I couldn't even tell the difference between reality and fantasy thats how messed up I was, and it affect my life horribly.

 

But now I have recovered, I slowly pieced together my mind and personality into one being. I am now able to accept the ex in my life, or even just run into her at wal mart without being affected at all.

 

No anger, no hate, no jealously, and no heart filled love and longing.

 

To me, she is just a regular person, and I know thats what she wants.

 

Yesterday was my birthday, and I spent most of it with my GF before I had to go to work. It was nice. It was simple and relaxing and I enjoyed that.

 

I have come to appreciate the simple things in life, and I am truly grateful for them and for my GF.

[River Rain]

Good for you, that's what life is all about. Simplicity and gratitude are wonderful things. :-)

[NailBiter]

My break up was also 2 years ago. You seem to have dealt with the whole thing better than me. Different situations, I know, but you should be proud of being able to get over it like that.