calvinklien Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 I am 21 years of age and my girlfriend is 22. We have been dating a little over 8 months now, she absolutely loves me and would be heart broken if she lost me. However I do love her its just confusing, as this is my first legitimate girlfriend and she was my first to have sexual intercourse with. I am always contemplating breaking up with her but then i always convince my self not to, when i'm with her i seem happy and don't want to let go of her. She is loving, caring, respectable and does not do drugs but i feel it is not enough. Reasons being: - When i asked her how many boyfriends she has had, she thought about it and said about 15 including a abortion.. I knew i shouldn't of asked this question as it just kills me to know how many other guys she has been with while she is only my first. I feel as if i want to break up just to go out and experience other people. - She is illiterate and can barley spell or understand words which annoys me (English being her only language). Example: She didn't know what "Authorized Personnel" meant. Sometimes i read her texts and I have to decipher them just to understand what she is saying lol. - Family morals are completely different. Her family being laid back and not caring while my family is more strict and traditional. I love my girlfriend but its those key things above which makes me want to let her go. Am i being to shallow? should i really care about her past, her education, her family morals ?. I feel like i want to experience other women, I just don't know what i want and am confused. I'm afraid if i let her go that it might be a bad decision. I would like to hear peoples opinions.
Author calvinklien Posted October 2, 2012 Author Posted October 2, 2012 Thanks for the reply, I guess you're but I think I am more physically attracted to her. Example; Today, me writing this thread feeling down etc etc. Then i meet up with her, see her looking gorgeous and happy to see me, my mind changes and all of a sudden i want to be with her.. I also left out she has a short temper and doesn't take criticism well, so trying to teach her or mention that she has bad English would be deemed useless. She is that in love with me, that she was mentioning us getting married and got pissed off at the fact that i didn't feel the same. She says i love you at least 20 times + every time i see her. Sometimes she says something like "promise me that you will love me forever." I tell her I will never leave her and love her forever but in reality I am losing interest. I just have nothing to talk to her about. One side of me wants to leave her and the other side wants me to stay.
River Rain Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 I think you have a lot of legitimate reasons for wanting to end things with her. I personally don't think sexual experience should be a factor because what's important is the sexual experiences you have with her, not what she did before she even knew you. But intellect and values are important. You said you're already losing interest and have nothing to talk about. If the only part wanting you to stay with her now is because you say she's gorgeous, well, I don't think that's enough to make a healthy relationship, and you seem to want that.
Author calvinklien Posted October 3, 2012 Author Posted October 3, 2012 thank you for taking your time and giving me your opinions. This has really been big help for me ! Thank you once again, i guess I will take on board what all you have told me and give it some time to really think what i really want. Thank you once again guys and girls !
Jake234 Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 You make it sound like she isn't what you really want. You are still young like me (I'm 20) and now is the time to really experiment so that you can find the type of person you really have feelings for (in my opinion - feel free to disagree). If she is the best you've ever been with, then am I being truthful by saying that you have nothing better yet to compare to? I don't mean to sound offensive, I've just been in similar situations before.
Author calvinklien Posted October 3, 2012 Author Posted October 3, 2012 You make it sound like she isn't what you really want. You are still young like me (I'm 20) and now is the time to really experiment so that you can find the type of person you really have feelings for (in my opinion - feel free to disagree). If she is the best you've ever been with, then am I being truthful by saying that you have nothing better yet to compare to? I don't mean to sound offensive, I've just been in similar situations before. Yes you're right, I am at the prime age where i should be experimenting not settling down for marriage. Also you make a good point, how can i say she is the best when she is the only one I've been with.
Author calvinklien Posted October 3, 2012 Author Posted October 3, 2012 That being said i would feel terrible breaking up with her. In her eyes everything seems so perfect and she seems so happy Breaking up to experience other women seems like a wrong thing to do.
todreaminblue Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 I am 21 years of age and my girlfriend is 22. We have been dating a little over 8 months now, she absolutely loves me and would be heart broken if she lost me. However I do love her its just confusing, as this is my first legitimate girlfriend and she was my first to have sexual intercourse with. I am always contemplating breaking up with her but then i always convince my self not to, when i'm with her i seem happy and don't want to let go of her. She is loving, caring, respectable and does not do drugs but i feel it is not enough. Reasons being: - When i asked her how many boyfriends she has had, she thought about it and said about 15 including a abortion.. I knew i shouldn't of asked this question as it just kills me to know how many other guys she has been with while she is only my first. I feel as if i want to break up just to go out and experience other people. - She is illiterate and can barley spell or understand words which annoys me (English being her only language). Example: She didn't know what "Authorized Personnel" meant. Sometimes i read her texts and I have to decipher them just to understand what she is saying lol. - Family morals are completely different. Her family being laid back and not caring while my family is more strict and traditional. I love my girlfriend but its those key things above which makes me want to let her go. Am i being to shallow? should i really care about her past, her education, her family morals ?. I feel like i want to experience other women, I just don't know what i want and am confused. I'm afraid if i let her go that it might be a bad decision. I would like to hear peoples opinions. do you mean sexual experience?If you do you are making a mistake....the grass isn't always greener......ask you girlfriend she knows.....honestly having sex before marriage is a mistake...because situations like yours occurs......i say it because i have been there and done that and came back to the values I should have stayed true to.....live and learn......you do what you have to do ....you have that choice...... If you are worried about her family and your family having different outlooks on life and love in general you have one issue there.As far as her intelligence goes......She might have to ask you what authorized personnel means, but her intelligence is she knows what she wants or needs and you are asking for advice so ..you are confused .....i say then you might be even as each brings something different to the intellectual table..hers is emtional intelligence..as far as morals go....... she is honest respectable and doesn't do drugs......her past history is a sting in your tail because you are worried about measuring up..and thinking you shoudl experience as much f not more than her........dont be......she wants to stay with you you must be doing something right....but again it is your choice think seriously before you make a major decision and if you are annoyed and bored with her....leave....dont stay with someone because of physical attraction only....you shouldnt have had sex with her thats a definite if you had these feelings before you slept with her.... which i will say that you probably did because sexual history would have been discussed before you slept with her....so why did you sleep with her after knowing her past????..and knowing how you felt about it as you were a virgin so you would have told her that before you slept with her...deb
rrc6680 Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 (edited) You should not feel horrible breaking up with her. You have a say in the relationship too. It seems that you two are not compatible and that is dangerous for men like us with very little experience. I did not have my first relationship until my senior year in college. When I wasn't with her all I could think about was breaking up and experimenting. When I was with her I never wanted to leave her side. Unfortunately, for men that don't have much experience, when a relationship starts to go sour we make excuses to stay in it. Our ego likes the attention, the sex, the love (what have you), and our lack of experience reinforces the idea that these things are very difficult to come by. That is why you are so undecided about leaving her. Not to mention, you do still care about her on some level and you don't want to hurt her. Unfortunately, your happiness is important too, but I can assure you that if you are not meant to be together, then staying together for the wrong reasons will kill you inside. Also, take heed that if you do end things with her you may begin to feel very lonely and miss that connection. This may cause you to try to get back with her instead of looking for someone new. This is a curse for unexperienced men. We don't have the confidence to know when to let things go and when to trust that we will be able to find a much more fulfilling connection somewhere else. Our ego's are afraid to be alone forever. This is strictly from my own experience. I loved her and cared about her but could not be with her (she was very emotionally damaged). It took me a long time to admit that to myself and it caused a lot of damage to my own emotional well being. Your situation is unique to yourself. Take some time to think about the relationship. Are you with her because you love her? or are you with her because your ego likes the attention and you are afraid to be alone? These are the things you should consider before making a decision. Edited October 3, 2012 by rrc6680
Ninjainpajamas Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Don't be with a woman out of guilt, that's more a disservice than a service for her. There's a lot of things about women you don't understand either yet, her past is attributed to her insecurity...something many women struggle with and has a lot to do with their choices in life. Her over-the-top expression and attachment for you is likely derived from some good ole daddy issues. I'm sure she loves you and feels like it's genuine emotion, but really at your age It's hard to recognize what is true emotion and just growing up, experiencing new things and just have your own issues to figure out. Don't let her pressure you into something you don't want, in the end she doesn't want that, she just wants you to want the same thing as she does. Trust your gut about how you feel, right now you're just talking yourself back into staying with her. You've got to let her go and move on with your life...In the end she'll get over it and move on, but the longer you drag this on the more you're going to break her heart...and trust me, your feelings aren't going to change because you already know you aren't ready for this. Break up with her, lay low for a while, be single and don't have high expectations. Enjoy your life, don't get back into another relationship right away, just date/get to know different types of women so you know what you really want, right now you've got nothing to decide over...but also realize that being single isn't easy either, you'll have to contend with the dating world...which can be a shock because you've been used to having someone around, someone that really loves you and you've gotten comfortable with it.
River Rain Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Unfortunately, for men that don't have much experience, when a relationship starts to go sour we make excuses to stay in it. Our ego likes the attention, the sex, the love (what have you), and our lack of experience reinforces the idea that these things are very difficult to come by. That is why you are so undecided about leaving her. You just described me, 44-year old woman who has little relationship experience. I unfortunately stayed in the relationship because I loved the attention and affection. Of course, it went downhill because I wasn't being honest with myself. I became more dependent because I was afraid I would never find love again. I didn't want to hurt him either, by breaking up with him. But eventually he ended things. It made it even more difficult because I knew I should have ended things weeks before he did. I guess other people's opinions and experiences can get you thinking, but in the end it's your own happiness that really matters. You can't stay in a relationship out of fear of hurting her, I mean...you can, but in my own experience, it doesn't work out anyway, and you can't avoid hurting the other person.
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