JimmyB26 Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 About three months ago I met an awesome girl. She's in her mid-20s and I'm in my early 30s. We immediately hit it off, and felt a really powerful connection. Our first two dates were within 2 days of one another. In the three months since we've met, we've had some difficulties meeting up at times. Things would come up, and her excuses for flaking on me would be pretty interesting and involved at times. It just seemed like she had a lot going on, on top of the three jobs she was working. I was way more understanding than I regularly would have been, and accepted that sometimes, it's just bad timing. Eventually, after about a month, she told me that it was just bad timing and she couldn't do this right now. I accepted it and wished her good luck. For the following month I'd get "miss you" texts here and there. I kept it light, not wanting to get involved again if it was going to lead to more flakiness. Eventually we set up plans, and they fell through. Same deal the following week. She told me to just walk away and that I deserved better. I said I wasn't going to do that, which is what I'm sure she wanted to hear. I pulled back and stayed out of touch for a little while, and she eventually started really trying to make plans. This past week, I didn't believe that we were actually going to see each other, despite the fact that we made plans for this past Friday. I just accepted it would be another last minute blow off or no-show. She actually came through though, and it seemed like what was going on for her was resolved. We went out, had a great time, she paid for dinner, gets up to use the bathroom, says she'll be right back, kisses me, and bails. Just leaves. Once I finally figure it out and walk home, I start getting texts saying that she's in love with me, she's lost, she's confused, she didn't expect this to happen, she doesn't deserve me, I should just walk away. The next night she says she's sorry. Now I get when a girl has been hurt again and again and meets a great guy and is wrapped up in the way she feels about him but is so afraid of her own feelings that she thinks it's better to back off rather than risk being hurt. It makes sense to me. It actually explains a lot of her actions. I'm just not sure what to do next. I've essentially reciprocated as clearly as possible, on top of all the times I told her that I was crazy about her over the past few months. It's everything that I wanted to hear, but I still don't get to be with her. What do I do now? Just wait it out? Be there for her when she gets in touch? She wouldn't have used the "L" word if she didn't mean it, right?
shibbikitteh Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 This kind of reminds me of the beginning of vanilla sky... I would wait it out, its got to be on her mind, especially if you've already said those type of feelings back and you've artuiculated what you thought. Does she seem like the type of girl who would just throw the L word around ?
Author JimmyB26 Posted October 2, 2012 Author Posted October 2, 2012 Nope, she wouldn't just throw it around. During dinner, now that I think about it, she was throwing out silly what-if scenarios to test me. Kind of as if she expected me to throw in the towel at some point and decide I deserved better. A little background. She's been through the ringer. Not that I or anyone else haven't. I am the first guy she's been with since her fiance dumped her, which I didn't know till Friday night (I knew she'd been engaged, she told me that when I told her I'd been married). Anyway, she's out of the country for a little while visiting her best female friend. Like I said, I communicated back to her that I was on the same page.
FryFish Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 why did her fiance dump her? Did she cheat on him? She LEFT in the middle of a date and didnt tell you? Sounds VERY VERY fishy to me... and I would know. I think maybe she had an "other guy" emergency... I think you might be her second choice here buddy... and her first choice is a guy that plays hot/cold games...
Author JimmyB26 Posted October 2, 2012 Author Posted October 2, 2012 Her fiance dumped her because she had an abortion. He supported her on the decision, and then dumped her a few days after she had the procedure. I'd agree with you that there might be another guy, but why start telling me that she was in love with me right after she left? If she was really on her way to see another guy, would she really be texting me that stuff?
todreaminblue Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Nope, she wouldn't just throw it around. During dinner, now that I think about it, she was throwing out silly what-if scenarios to test me. Kind of as if she expected me to throw in the towel at some point and decide I deserved better. A little background. She's been through the ringer. Not that I or anyone else haven't. I am the first guy she's been with since her fiance dumped her, which I didn't know till Friday night (I knew she'd been engaged, she told me that when I told her I'd been married). Anyway, she's out of the country for a little while visiting her best female friend. Like I said, I communicated back to her that I was on the same page. I think you should speak to her, tell her how you feel, and tell her you understand why she does what she does but she can't keep blowing hot and cold on you that you do care about her you should only have to say that that once more....and this is it...you are saying it.......now.....you want to give it a go but she has to want to too....see where it takes you....a lot of people who have been through ringers can maintain relationships in fact coping skills are often heightened.....she has to work on it cant all be you..do it face to face......good luck....
Author JimmyB26 Posted October 2, 2012 Author Posted October 2, 2012 Thanks for the good wishes! I really can't do anything about it right now in person. When she said goodbye the other night and that she was leaving for her trip halfway around the world - which she definitely is taking, she's been talking about this trip for months - she asked me to email her. I have, I did the next day, and once again I laid it all out. I told her, as I've been telling her, how I felt. I so wanted to say it to her in person, but that will have to wait. It was a pretty awesome message. I put it on the line, and when she checks her gmail account, she'll see it. I'm not saying any more to her for now.
Author JimmyB26 Posted October 2, 2012 Author Posted October 2, 2012 (edited) I know that this possibility exists. I can't do anything about that either. I have no way of knowing who else she's seeing and can't really be concerned about it. All I know is that I was getting texts with her professing her love for 45 minutes after she was gone. Could she have met up with another guy? Maybe. The way she was after me all week about seeing me, the three jobs that she's working, all that - somehow I doubt she even has the time to pursue more than one guy. I appreciate you trying to highlight the possibility, but somehow I just really doubt it with this one. I've asked her about other guys point blank. And she swears that there's none. I'm the first guy to sleep with her since her fiance, at least that's what she tells me. I think it just might be too soon. There wasn't anything fishy going on with her side of the table for a long time before she decided to bolt. No phones accessed. Just her and me together enjoying each other's company. Could it have been set up in advance? Maybe. Edited October 2, 2012 by JimmyB26
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