spiderowl Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Met this guy a few days ago and got on OK. We agreed to meet up again. We have been exchanging some texts and messages online. The day before yesterday I receive a positive message online saying he'd like to meet again. I responded to it but quite late as I received it late anyway. Next day, I texted to say there was an email for him. He's read it, but not responded. I was asking in that email for confirmation of date and venue as there was some confusion initially. So, nothing from him all of yesterday despite a nice request for confirmation that the venue's OK. I'm feeling a bit p**d. Maybe he's planning to confirm today (on the day), I don't know. I just don't feel comfortable with that somehow. I did send an impulsive message saying I'll assuming the meeting is off, but he's been nice up to now so may be shocked to get such a message. Do I follow up with a similar text as well? Not everyone reads their email during the day. When would you consider a reasonable time to confirm an already discussed meeting?
carhill Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Activate voice function 'Hello, it's xxx. Are we on for tonight?' Listen. 8
Author spiderowl Posted October 2, 2012 Author Posted October 2, 2012 I agree Carhill, but you know it works both ways and mine was the most recent communication.
carhill Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Whoever cares the least has the most power and control. Up to you which side of the equation you wish to fall upon and how you define 'care', 'power' and 'control'. To me, my suggestion was a way for you to proactively take control of your destiny. Care about you. Have power over you. Ask the question. If the answer aligns with what you want, that. If not, choose to move on with a smile. You're in charge of you. If it (the advice) sounds wrong, maybe it is, for you. Try it. Prove to yourself that it's wrong. Then, if it is, never do it again. If something isn't working, try something else. Perhaps boring advice, but I'm known for that 1
Author spiderowl Posted October 2, 2012 Author Posted October 2, 2012 Thanks Carhill, I appreciate your thoughts. I guess my way to feel in control of my destiny is not to phone. I'm not going to chase the guy. I was the first to contact him after we met because I knew he had a busy day and there might have been a misunderstanding with a comment I made (which I must admit would have sounded as if I was putting him off). His very positive response later in an email surprised me and I responded fairly quickly, as it seemed polite to do so, also to check with him that the venue for the date/meet he'd emailed me about was still OK with him. Today, however, nothing, no text or email. Seems a bit rude to me and I have a feeling he's going to text all bright and cheerful later today to confirm. Thing is, I like to know the day before at least so I can plan. I don't feel so bright and cheerful about it now and it's a pity this has happened.
carhill Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 OK, then respect your style, move on to other things and, when he contacts you all bright and cheery, inform him of your need/desire for confirmation day prior. Leave it at that. Own the result. 1
Author spiderowl Posted October 3, 2012 Author Posted October 3, 2012 He got back with a good excuse, but I'm wary now and more switched off. I think you have to feel a strong attraction and attachment to accept too many excuses.
AtomicForby Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 I think you should never accept last minute dates. That tells people that you don't have any life, and that they can organise you at the last minute if nothing better comes up. If a guy wants to see me on the weekend, he needs to have things firmed up by Wednesday at the latest. Even if I have nothing else planned or to do, and he texts or calls on Thursday or Friday, I will say 'oh sorry, didn't hear from you so I've made other plans. Have a great weekend!' Trust me, they'll get the hint. Never accept being somebody's Plan B. or C.
Ninjainpajamas Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 He got back with a good excuse, but I'm wary now and more switched off. I think you have to feel a strong attraction and attachment to accept too many excuses. Call me crazy but If someone is really interested in you I expect them to show it or reciprocate. Without any persistence or nagging or question asking, especially the day of, I mean pfft thanks but no thanks. But hey, you're free to do what you'd like and take the others advice...for me just having an OK time with someone then having to play tag without any confirmation or immediate feedback, strikes me as irresponsible and not that interested, it's not that hard to sent a reply in a matter of seconds...guess that's just not my style/taste because I'd lose a lot of interest after that, and I'd fall off the map, too many fish in the sea. Good excuse? still an excuse, something that would prevent that person from contacting me? It's situational and dependent on how I felt about it too. For example If I was just getting to know somebody and couldn't really care less that much because It was just one of many I was talking to and didn't really notice their punctuality in getting back to me, then maybe I'd be like whatever who cares...normally though, after going on a date? yeah, sorry, not for me....at least for a love/romantic interest. But then again It was just OK right? for me If it's just OK then I also back off as well...I expect a moderate level of chemistry/attraction/interest. I could have a good time with a lot of women, why would I just date one that just makes me feel OK? I guess I'm just not one of those people who will date someone until I find something I like about them or we connect in some way so that I can see some kind of potential there...kind of silly to me, compared to women I've really connected with immediately from the beginning...flows so much more easily and effortlessly, I don't get why people try so hard to make a connection. It's either there or it's not, or are people trying to "create" all of this all the time? Sounds like a lot of work. 1
ascendotum Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 He got back with a good excuse, but I'm wary now and more switched off. I think you have to feel a strong attraction and attachment to accept too many excuses. I know NP thinks an excuse is an excuse, but I can understand that if it was a bit of a habit for the other person to be unreliable, but I think you should go with the benefit of the doubt here, and assume he is genuine. If he had a good reason, let it ride still. Its not like he went AWOL for a week. "I think you have to feel a strong attraction and attachment to accept too many excuses.".....I totally agree with this, but you have not hit that yet here. He was only late for day, once. Allowing more attractive people get away with shyte/excuses is not exactly fair, but its human nature. 2
Emilia Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 I guess I'm just not one of those people who will date someone until I find something I like about them or we connect in some way so that I can see some kind of potential there...kind of silly to me, compared to women I've really connected with immediately from the beginning...flows so much more easily and effortlessly, I don't get why people try so hard to make a connection. It's either there or it's not, or are people trying to "create" all of this all the time? Sounds like a lot of work. Pretty much. I'm friendly and available because I'm keen to build connection. If I feel it isn't reciprocated I move on. Plenty of men out there with potential. Quality over quantity any time. 1
oaks Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 He got back with a good excuse, but I'm wary now and more switched off. I think you have to feel a strong attraction and attachment to accept too many excuses. Indeed! I run a kind of "two strikes and you're out" policy in early dating... because I don't want to put up with flakiness, lateness, unresponsiveness etc from people who might be stringing me along or might just have different communication styles from me. But if it's a good excuse then I'll let it go. Or if she's hot. Then I'll put up with crap.
Emilia Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Indeed! I run a kind of "two strikes and you're out" policy in early dating... because I don't want to put up with flakiness, lateness, unresponsiveness etc from people who might be stringing me along or might just have different communication styles from me. But if it's a good excuse then I'll let it go. It's difficult when you don't know someone - but then again both of you are in the same boat. When you have so little understanding of each other, both parties should make the effort to be clear and available in my opinion. If they don't, that's your answer. Or if she's hot. Then I'll put up with crap. hahaha, you will get flak for this (from other men I mean)
oaks Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 hahaha, you will get flak for this (from other men I mean) I know. I can take it. They're just jealous.
Author spiderowl Posted October 7, 2012 Author Posted October 7, 2012 Thanks. This was a good excuse this time so I allowed it but it was at the back of my mind. We are not right for each other though but might be friends. Too many differences. Just one of those things. I think both of us are becoming a bit lacklustre about it. Nobody's fault, just natural I guess.
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