zay Posted July 26, 2004 Posted July 26, 2004 please help me! I started dating a great friend-we dated for one year, very close relationship we did everything together. He is one of the nicest guys God put on this earth. I love him. He is relationship phobic ( I assume). After a year we started having problems arguments and just treating each other with no respect so finally I asked him what is up? and he said we can't be together because we can' t get along we need time apart. I thought and still think I am going to DIE! I can't do anything everyone thinks I am crazy because I cry everywhere all the time! I go out and I have tried to date but I just can't shake the feeling.It has been about six weeks. He does nothing for me I know I deserve and can find better but I can't seem to give it an honest try! He said he wanted us to go back to being friends and talking like we use to but I can't even look at him, I have sooo many questions. He asked me to hang out and I did but he doesn't seem to know what he wants and we talked about everything else. The next day I felt worst than ever. We work together and it is very hard for me to see him everyday-- I just don't have the strength and the confidence to get another job yet. He recently had a friend move in with him so I know he is not as lonely as I am. What should I do? I have been heart-broken before but I just can't understand why this time!
SMF Posted July 26, 2004 Posted July 26, 2004 You guys might not be right for each other. Then again, give it some time. Move on and try and be happy. its tough, i know. going through the same thing
manofmystrey Posted July 26, 2004 Posted July 26, 2004 Hey Zay. I know things are tough. And trust me in the near future it will seem like it will get worse. I know from my own personal experiance for i am no longer with the person who i felt i could not live without. But as time went by i realized that it was in my head. I was not that i could not be without her it was that i was holding on to all the bad things that happened u feel like u have been wronged by him and that is the reason u cant let go. U seem to be holding onto something that is not good for u. I hated everything about my ex when we broke up to the point i left the city where we lived so that there would be nothing there to remind me of her. but i realized that i cant let her ruine my life. In your case he has had someone move in and so u are lonely but that tells me that u are lonely for his company and u are suprised that he was able to put someone in ur place. But if he was willing to do that he is not the right guy for u. U have to take a leap of faith at this point. No matter who u meet u will compare to him. but dont allow that to hold u back. when u meet someone see them for them not how they compare to ur ex. See them for the guys that they are. see them for the feeling they have for you and before u know it u will be back on ur feet. They say the in oder to find something great u have to be willing to lose something good.
Author zay Posted July 26, 2004 Author Posted July 26, 2004 Thank you soo much - your words are encouraging! ( i still cry though) Do you think i should try to be his friend? work? it is hard only because we were friends first. the person who moved in with him is just a friend (like family) but they still do all the fun things that we used to do.
manofmystrey Posted July 26, 2004 Posted July 26, 2004 Zay as far talking goes I myself would say only do it if u can be comfratable doing it and not think about what u guys once had. I myself would say not to until u can come to some closer on whats happening. AS for work we all need to get paid. So i would keep the job but i would avoid talking to him. May i ask what city u are in cause i am sure if u are in a half way decent city there must be a dozen places u can meet new people. dont look for a boyfriend right off the bat i would say look for friends that can replace the first bond the two of u had as friends and then se if the friendship goes from there. In the worst case u made a new friend that u can hang out with and they will introduce u to new things and then in turn u will meet new people and find someone to love and someone to love u back. U should not feel bad that ur ex is doing things with this new person its a big world and u can do anything u want with old friends or new ones. I live in a small city and there is nothing to do that is why i can wait to get to a larger city and meet new people. But if u dont feel up to going out make some friends on the net or in other places u have not been to in a long time or places u have never been. If u go to places the 2 of u used to hang at u will never get him off the mind. Meet people that will want to talk to u and be with u and not people that will respect u. In some ways u are lucky that all this happened now rather then when u guys are married. What kinds of things do u like to do that u have not done in a long time?
Evanescence Posted July 27, 2004 Posted July 27, 2004 Hun, I just went though the same thing. I was finally able the date someone else and have a good time. I've been dating him for 3 months now. However the ex still wants to be friends. I think I'm going to cut him off soon because it is holding me back from having a good relationship with the guy i'm with now and I so badly want to have a good relationship with him. The only way is to cut the ex out of my life completley. If he is constantly coming back to talk to you like you are friends, it will keep you in the spot that ur in now. You feel too strongly for him to be only friends. Maybe a year or two down the road, but right now you need to try to do the "cold turkey" thing. It is SO hard, but it works. I read many books while I went through the break up. We were dating for a bit over 5 years and were seriously talking about engagement when he broke up with me. I had never gone through so much pain in my life. But even though right now it feels like nothing will ever get better, it will start to. You just have to give it time. Live day by day. Seek some counselling if you have to (it helps a lot). Anyway, one of the books that i read compared love to a drug addiction.. .or any other kind of addiction. You first are in a state of shock, then you go through withdrawls, etc etc. Your body is actually going through a state of withdrawl right now. It is an acutal physical reaction. But just like any other addict, you have to take your time and let your emotions play through and you will eventually get there. Even though this doesn't sound promising, I still cry every day, or close to it. Right now it isn't so much about the ex, it's that I was with someone for 5 1/2 years and this is how it ended. I'm having a hard time accepting that something like that can happen. But I'm sure it's for the best, no matter what happens. Remember, what will be will be. I hated hearing that when I was going through it, but now i live by it. If you are meant to be with him, maybe in the future you will get back together. This will be regardless of what your actions are right now. If you are meant to be with someone else, and you WILL SEE this in due time, then someone great will come into your life when the timing is right and you will realize that this was all worth it. RIght now you feel like his is god's gift to you, but maybe in time you'll find that he wasn't. Just give yourself time and everything will work out. I PROMISE! Take care.
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