Out West Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 So...out of the blue my now ex of almost 2 yrs said she wanted to split saying we shouldn't speak to each other again. Reluctantly, I agreed as I respected what she had asked for. 20 mins later, she called me up crying saying she was upset and wanted to come over so I agreed. We then met for lunch the next day and she was telling me how much she loved me. We met straight after work that day and spent the night at mine & everything was real good. Day after that I got some real nasty txt messages from her saying how much she hated me and wouldn't be coming on the holiday we had planned for the following week and had cancelled her airplane tickets. That lunch she wanted to meet said she was sorry and that we could work through the problems. Stupidly, I booked her some new flights so we could still go to Europe on holiday. I then had a call from my mom saying that my ex had called. She said she was worried about me but then went too spend ages telling my mom lies about how bad i was and unpopular at work. All untrue but still hard on my mom she lives 1000s of miles away in another state. We had arranged to meet that night but she wouldn't answer the phone and the next day I got a txt saying she had slept with another guy and didn't wanna speak with me again. I then found out she had been sending her friends some very personal things about me including love letters etc For some strange reason I want her back but she won't answer the phone / respond to messages etc. I don't know what got into her but its driving me mad!!! How can I get her to talk to me as I've never known a situation like this or why someone could behave is such a horrible way?
TaraMaiden Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 She sounds as if she's had a mental breakdown. I've never heard of anyone blowing so hot and cold, in such rapid-fire ways. What's going on in her life that she can't handle?
Author Out West Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 Your guess is as good as mine...all this came out of nowhere. And that jot just me being male and ignorant
shayla Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Sounds like mental illness to me.....seriously. I'd stay far away from her. She seems like a loose cannon.
TaraMaiden Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Your guess is as good as mine...all this came out of nowhere. And that jot just me being male and ignorant I appreciate that - which is why I didn't call you an unsympathetic, arrogant selfish, male chauvinist pig. Seriously? I would, if the situation is appropriate, alert her family and tell them you believe she's going through a mental crisis. is there any mental health situation in her family, at all? Then, really - for as much your well-being as for hers - i would suggest that you distance yourself from her as much as is humanly possible. Either she's having a breakdown, or there is already a mental issue.... I cannot for the life of me fathom why she would be acting like this in such close episodes of weird behaviour. if this was spread over weeks or months, that would be one thing. But this? Too odd for normality....
Author Out West Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 I appreciate that - which is why I didn't call you an unsympathetic, arrogant selfish, male chauvinist pig. Seriously? I would, if the situation is appropriate, alert her family and tell them you believe she's going through a mental crisis. is there any mental health situation in her family, at all? Then, really - for as much your well-being as for hers - i would suggest that you distance yourself from her as much as is humanly possible. Either she's having a breakdown, or there is already a mental issue.... I cannot for the life of me fathom why she would be acting like this in such close episodes of weird behaviour. if this was spread over weeks or months, that would be one thing. But this? Too odd for normality.... I'm glad you can see the "funny" side in all this Seriously though...it's very strange behaviour, hence why I'm at such a loss as to what's caused it. Her parents did split up about 15 yrs ago, which in itself isn't a problem, but they did so as her mom was an alcoholic and had to spend a month in rehab. When we started seeing each other she had only just finished. 5 yr relationship, which was also her first, so maybe that has something to do with it but two yrs is a long rebound relationship right?? It's tough as she's a very intelligent woman, and I love her a lot, but maybe I'm just overlooking the problems and how she's being? I know it's not right she's doing this, but on the other hand I can't help but want to be there for her and help her if something is wrong despite how bad she's been recently...
k100danny Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 I think this is a hard one to try to work out for you let alone anyone on here from what you have said. Did you have a healthy happy relationship? had she shown odd behaviours or personality traits before this? I can understand to some degree the hot and cold when someone is breaking up, desiding if it's for the best and not knowing what they want this isn't unheard of but to tell you she hates you (if this was out of the blue and for no reason) and then to show things to friends and speak to your mother in that way they are definite not normal problems to deal with even during a break up.
Author Out West Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 I think this is a hard one to try to work out for you let alone anyone on here from what you have said. Did you have a healthy happy relationship? had she shown odd behaviours or personality traits before this? I can understand to some degree the hot and cold when someone is breaking up, desiding if it's for the best and not knowing what they want this isn't unheard of but to tell you she hates you (if this was out of the blue and for no reason) and then to show things to friends and speak to your mother in that way they are definite not normal problems to deal with even during a break up. You're right about it being a hard one to work out! It was really good before. Kinda got the impression she was a bit insecure and needed to demonstrate in front of people when we were together but I gave her that. The sudden change of emotions between saying we shouldn't talk to calling me 20 mins later, coming over and saying she loved me to then going on to act how she did, I just can't work out. Usually I'd have moved on, but seems hard with her. The fact she won't answer my calls now after all that time is odd too. Just wish I knew what was up with her so I could help I guess...
magz Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 i have to be honest that...well, i might understand where she came from...i did similar things and it ring a bell to me...but i didn't sleep another guy like that, i did blew hot and cold and felt very insecure with my last guy...i started to think that i might have issues with mental stabilities...it's a bad feeling and drove me crazy sometimes...people also say that i'm highly intelligent... what can i say? don't contact her for a while, wait and see...i have a feeling that she WILL come back to you if you leave her alone... her behaviors tells me that she really loved you, and she probably she still is...trust me or not, busy with your things at work, life, etc...have some patience... she has her own issue, so do the rest of us...it's just manifested in a different way...if you still love her, then be patient...if you don't, then be gentle and wish her well... keep us updated...i wish you well!!!
TaraMaiden Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Out_West, let me just echo the above advice, about lying low for a while, (good advice) and seeing what her next move is. Approach any contact with caution and gentleness - but remember: You are not her 'therapist' and if this is a delayed PTSD reaction to her parents' situation and background, she may need professional help/counselling.... But it's not your duty or role to 'fix' her. be supportive and try to help... but if it's 'beyond your remit', be cautious about being 'sucked into' her mess.... Take care of yourself too.
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