youngnlove89 Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 ....It wouldn't hurt this bad. 16 days now. Holy moly! I just can't believe it. This past weekend was very hard for me. It finally hit me. I went on a date, slept with another guy and it made everything worse! I just thought it would help me because I was doing great. I had no emotions for my ex, I thought I was moving on but boy was I wrong. I was just horny and just wanted casual sex. I ended up walking out on this guy I slept with in the middle of it and drove home in tears. The only reason I slept with someone else was because my ex was the last person to touch me, I wanted to break that bond, cut that tie. Please don't give me crap about what I did, I don't regret it, I just wish that it didn't make me miss my ex. But this new guy is Mr. Perfect and better looking than my ex, but I'm still not attracted to him the way I was with my ex. I ended up just missing my ex more! I was so depressed. And now everything is reminding me of my ex. I am a scheduler at a doctors office and most calls I answer have the same name as my ex's. And when they give me their date of birth, a lot of them have the same birthday as his. Is this just a weird coincidence?
Mint Sauce Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 your perception of reality is still very selective. It's normal. It's far too early to date. Adjust your expectations. You loved him. This will not take weeks. It will take months. Do what you feel like doing, but expect it to be difficult at least until 2013. Don't pressure yourself into moving on. Take the time to grief. 1
witmadskilllz Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 (edited) Girl, just remember, life is short and full of mysteries to be unfolded. My ex dumped me and 2 weeks shortly after was in another relationship already. She's enjoying life as she should be, why let someone in the past ruin the moments of the future for you? I know it's human nature to do so, but please, don't compare or try not to. Each and everyone has their own unique side and it's for us to discover it. You weren't use to having sex so soon yet because not only that you miss the ex that you once had but the amount of time spent with another person to develop this unconditional feeling called love, a bond so strong that it's far greater than any one night stands. Everyone's different I guess, but in your case, sex doesn't work it doesn't end from there though, just go on more dates then. Edited October 1, 2012 by witmadskilllz
salmagundi Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 I know how you feel. It felt so ****ty thinking about my ex 'exploring' other men that when the opportunity arose I decided to 'explore' another woman. It didn't go well, I couldn't even finish and she just left because I felt too f&6ked up to deal with it. What was really strange was that I felt...like I was somehow cheating...on my ex(?) I can't explain it. What I learned from that and another completely hapless attempt to ask a girl out was that I am basically...radioactive...and that I really really need to stay away from women until I get my head together. But if love is a beast rejection is worse...it makes us selfish, manipulative, egocentric and desperate...all in the search for something to fill that void of affection that breakups leave us in. Its hell. Every time. 1
Mike_d Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 well, you are learning what you need to know. way too early but now you know awesome job on your streak, keep it up. it will get better
Mike_d Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Just checking back in on you, how's it going? you're doing great on your NC, know it's brutally hard, hang in there (pep talk over)
Floored Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 ....It wouldn't hurt this bad. 16 days now. Holy moly! I just can't believe it. This past weekend was very hard for me. It finally hit me. I went on a date, slept with another guy and it made everything worse! I just thought it would help me because I was doing great. I had no emotions for my ex, I thought I was moving on but boy was I wrong. I was just horny and just wanted casual sex. I ended up walking out on this guy I slept with in the middle of it and drove home in tears. The only reason I slept with someone else was because my ex was the last person to touch me, I wanted to break that bond, cut that tie. Please don't give me crap about what I did, I don't regret it, I just wish that it didn't make me miss my ex. It's unfortunate that our hormone levels don't take a back seat when we go through a break. Feeling like you did was normal, but you see the problem right? You went into sleeping with this guy with your ex on your mind; by merely stating, "I want to break the tie with my ex" you have placed your ex in the position of getting the most attention in that hookup, not you and certainly not whoever your partner was. I'm not saying you're flawed for doing that, I'm saying there's no way you were emotionally ready to just 'forget' about your ex with one romp; you had a deeper connection than that with your ex, it will take time to fill in that trench. Everyone deals with breakups differently, everyone faces different challenges. You've tried hooking up to erase his touch, but his imprint on you is more than what he physically did with you, it was the emotional connection you two had while having sex, which you and this new guy did NOT have. Physically hooking up is- internet tough guy aside- very easy in contrast to finding someone that will meet you on the emotional level. It's not out of judgement that I say that it's better to just suffer and wait it out than to throw yourself at anything with a pulse. What will that do to your already tender self-esteem if you can't seem to find that connection with anybody that you throw yourself at? You need some time with your clothes on until you find the guy because he makes you feel amazing and loved, not because you think he'll make you forget about your ex. But this new guy is Mr. Perfect and better looking than my ex, but I'm still not attracted to him the way I was with my ex. I ended up just missing my ex more! I was so depressed. There are plenty of women in my life that financially, emotionally, and physically outrank my ex, and while I would love to get really excited for any prospects with them, none of them are my ex, and I don't. Not that I need to compare them to my ex, and I certainly don't want her back, I just finally like being alone, at least for a while. It took about three months for it to start balancing out for me; I would long for the girl from my memories that would explore new cities, new eateries, new ways to love with me, and other days I would despise her wicked actions at the end and her selfish behavior throughout. Now, more and more days are filled with the thought that there is just simply a better fit for my personality and interests, same as there is for my ex. And now everything is reminding me of my ex. I am a scheduler at a doctors office and most calls I answer have the same name as my ex's. And when they give me their date of birth, a lot of them have the same birthday as his. Is this just a weird coincidence? What other thread was it that someone posted that humans are great story tellers and love to look for patterns? Yes, it is just weird coincidence. Clothes on, and keep up the no contact. You are strong enough, no matter how bad it hurts.
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