kae Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Maybe your staring at too many women in front of her and she is beyond disrespected and doesnt give a **** anymore - do what you want- dont care no more- or i like someone else and need you to like someone else and maybe we`ll break up. or you harasse her for sex too much like a greedy man child and she is tired of your selfishness and wants you off her back. whatever it is its a BAD SIGN!!!!
kae Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 nobody is perfect! Good Luck with that!! i think you need to stop making excuses for your lack of self control and develop some and stick to people cause we are all human. learn to compromise and work with what you get! what you want isnt always what you need!
Leigh 87 Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 And I have told my partner that exact thing, wholigan. I tried to tell my partner this. He wasn't able to do it, so I encouraged him to go on a few "single" guy holidays (to places where hooking up is rampant and goes hand in hand with the night life and location). He was not able to hook up with a regular girl, because he loved me and our sex life was great. He ended up calling me every night because he missed me, and wanted me to talk dirty to him top get him off (because orgasming with a person you love feels " better") so I brought him hookers. I thought it was ridiculous that a 24 year old settle down with one girl fro the rest of his life. Especially my fun loving boyfriend, who I did not believe was a guy who was ready to settle down for life (sexually speaking). In the end it undermined the relationship, because I figured "if he truly loved me, he would not have sex with other people". The thing that saved our relationship, was that he had always had meaningless sex a lot before he met me, with hookers and with every girl he slept with (he only had meaningful sex with me and his ex), so hookers were natural for him and I believe that he was able to fully love me whilst having sex with the hookers I got him. With my partner, it did not feel like something he needed but more like something he enjoyed when I offered/brought it for him. As soon as I questions his capacity to be able to do it, he stopped (on his own accord). I truly believe that if a guy really really loved you, he will not be able to have sex with other girls. I just believe my own partner was an exception lol, due to his history with hookers, and the fact he was not able to hook up with regular girls, and onky hookers, and the fact it was not something he ever needs to do again at all. I think a SMALL % of men who have a strong history of having sex with a lot of hookers are able to have meaningless sex (with not foreplay or kissing) and still be in love with their partners. I just will not practice that wa of life again. ........All in all, it is not healthy to share people when your in a relationship. Not unless your one of the 2% of the population that are genuinely wired differently, and do well with poly, swinging, and open style relationships. Most people who embrace that way of life and care to share a parter would likely do so because: they are not capable of feeling true love, and/or they are not genuinaly in love with their partner.
lino Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 You guys continue to confuse me. So, girls shouldn't be jealous and needy, and shouldn't freak out if you're flirting with other girls, or fantasizing about other girls, or watching porn... but shouldn't make the logical leap that an open relationship would serve you both best, otherwise she's "checked out" of the relationship. So, by giving you guys want you want (she remains monogamous while you get to flirt/sleep around to your heart's contentment), she's somehow the bad guy?? Geez, make up your minds. I think I once pointed this out to you before, not all men want to stick their d!cks in as many random holes as possible. A lot of blokes are happy to be in a relationship with someone they care about (and hopefully cares about them the same in return!) Many guys like this you will not pay attention to or possibly friendzone them or maybe even use them as a stepping stone to what you really want. If you're constantly being involved with/around blokes who root around then that's what you are actively seeking out. Sounds as if your mind is definitely already made up on what you like. Also not all blokes are into porn. I personally couldn't give two f*cks about it. Stopped being interesting when I was 19 years old. Maybe a hard truth for you and jersey shortie to swallow but it's so. 2
verhrzn Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 I think I once pointed this out to you before, not all men want to stick their d!cks in as many random holes as possible. A lot of blokes are happy to be in a relationship with someone they care about (and hopefully cares about them the same in return!) Many guys like this you will not pay attention to or possibly friendzone them or maybe even use them as a stepping stone to what you really want. If you're constantly being involved with/around blokes who root around then that's what you are actively seeking out. Sounds as if your mind is definitely already made up on what you like. Also not all blokes are into porn. I personally couldn't give two f*cks about it. Stopped being interesting when I was 19 years old. Maybe a hard truth for you and jersey shortie to swallow but it's so. I have absolutely never friend-zoned a guy. Nor used a guy as a stepping stone. Any guy who even shows vague romantic interest in me, I try to date. And again, being in an open relationship means a guy is still in a relationship. So a guy gets a relationship AND sex. I am not actively seeking it out. All I do is respond to male interest. Maybe it's more accurate to say that no guy would date me, unless he had a chance to sleep with other women, since I am not enough to satisfy any guy. In such a case where a woman doesn't satisfy her guy, is it STILL awful to suggest an open relationship?
JamesM Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 I can't believe I'm making this thread ........ If as a man, your GF/wife said that she's giving you free reign to go and sleep with other women whom you find hot while you're in a relationship with her, what would you think? Would you do it? Any other thoughts? Opinions from women are more than welcome. First, I will answer your question as a guy who is in a nearly sexless marriage. She never said to get sex elsewhere, but she did say that if it was so important to me (IE more important than how she felt), then I might need to get it elsewhere (if she couldn't provide it). But I don't think that was permission to go get it elsewhere. So...if she actually told me I could sleep around, then initially it would sound exciting. I admit it. But then my rational head would overcome my "physical" head and I would realize that I truly don't want someone else. I do want her. And then I would wonder what was up her sleeve. Is it really about me sleeping around or is it about her sleeping around? Is it simply a test to see what I would do? Because reality is....I married to have sex with her. If I wanted sex with other women, then I guess I wouldn't have married. I married to make a family. Having said that, I think I could separate some sexual interaction from intimate sex with her. Actual intercourse and close kissing is something that can only be shared with her, but if we are all honest (at least as men), then we can have sex with someone else if we don't consider it an expression of love but a physical release. Now....why do you ask? What caused you to ask a question you never thought you would ask? And how do YOU feel about this? 2
Author ThaWholigan Posted October 2, 2012 Author Posted October 2, 2012 First, I will answer your question as a guy who is in a nearly sexless marriage. She never said to get sex elsewhere, but she did say that if it was so important to me (IE more important than how she felt), then I might need to get it elsewhere (if she couldn't provide it). But I don't think that was permission to go get it elsewhere. So...if she actually told me I could sleep around, then initially it would sound exciting. I admit it. But then my rational head would overcome my "physical" head and I would realize that I truly don't want someone else. I do want her. And then I would wonder what was up her sleeve. Is it really about me sleeping around or is it about her sleeping around? Is it simply a test to see what I would do? Because reality is....I married to have sex with her. If I wanted sex with other women, then I guess I wouldn't have married. I married to make a family. Having said that, I think I could separate some sexual interaction from intimate sex with her. Actual intercourse and close kissing is something that can only be shared with her, but if we are all honest (at least as men), then we can have sex with someone else if we don't consider it an expression of love but a physical release. Now....why do you ask? What caused you to ask a question you never thought you would ask? And how do YOU feel about this? Well, I feel that if a girl is telling me to sleep with other girls, she either doesn't want me enough, she doesn't trust me enough to be loyal, she's insecure or she wants the free pass to have sex with other men. Either way, I don't actually think that I would accept it, because if I get married or enter an LTR with a woman, I'm expecting to only have sex with her and nobody else, and that's that. If I want to have sex with multiple women, I'll stay single. I only asked because another poster (who is in this thread) reckons that because a man's sexual drive is easily stimulated by a fleeting thought of another woman, that we should not be monogamous and just be polyamorous. I have no desire to be polyamorous, unless I'm single. And even then I prefer a monogamous arrangement.
verhrzn Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Well, I feel that if a girl is telling me to sleep with other girls, she either doesn't want me enough, she doesn't trust me enough to be loyal, she's insecure or she wants the free pass to have sex with other men. Either way, I don't actually think that I would accept it, because if I get married or enter an LTR with a woman, I'm expecting to only have sex with her and nobody else, and that's that. If I want to have sex with multiple women, I'll stay single. I only asked because another poster (who is in this thread) reckons that because a man's sexual drive is easily stimulated by a fleeting thought of another woman, that we should not be monogamous and just be polyamorous. I have no desire to be polyamorous, unless I'm single. And even then I prefer a monogamous arrangement. And if she wasn't satisfying you? If your sex drive was much higher than hers? If she gained a lot of weight and you were no longer sexually excited by her? You could break up/divorce her, of course.... but doesn't it seem ridiculous to break up an otherwise good relationship JUST because of sex? Maybe by suggesting you sleep with other girls, she is trying to help your relationship, because she knows she can't satisfy you. Why is that bad?
TheBigQuestion Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 If my sex life with my girlfriend turns to s*** for whatever reason and if she is unwilling and/or unable to work with me to improve it, I DO consider that grounds for terminating the relationship. Sexual compatibility is fundamental for nearly all romantic relationships to function well. 1
SmileFace Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 And if she wasn't satisfying you? If your sex drive was much higher than hers? If she gained a lot of weight and you were no longer sexually excited by her? You could break up/divorce her, of course.... but doesn't it seem ridiculous to break up an otherwise good relationship JUST because of sex? Maybe by suggesting you sleep with other girls, she is trying to help your relationship, because she knows she can't satisfy you. Why is that bad? You are changing your question. From your POV the female has been the only one who didn't think she was good enough. If a guy comes to the point a realizes this - he should end the relationship. Your own insecurities shouldn't be pushed on him. 2
Leigh 87 Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 wholigan - my partner said the same thing you did: " if I wanted to have sex with other women, I would rather be single. I do not understand the point of being in a relationship with a girl, where you want to cheat on her with others. I want a girl who is enough for me, sexually and in every way" And this is coming from a guy who was able to have meaningless sex a few times before we settled down into a long term R. ...................I think most men who now what it is to truly love and be passionate about a women would not see the sense of finding a mate they do not want monogomy with. ....................If open relationships were to healthy and ideal, everyone would be in them.
Leigh 87 Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 I challenge V to fall truly in love with a man, and be okay with him having other women. I do not think you allow yourself to fall fully 100% in love verhrzn. If it was the deapest of love, you would surely not feel right about him sleeping with other people. This is coming from someone who did let their partner sleep with meaningless hookers at first. There is no WAY I would have ever been willing to stay with him, if he kissed, touched, and was intimate with a women besides the meaningless sex he had (with not intimacy kissing or forplay) ......................I did it because I did not think monogomy for life was ideal for a young man, biologically speaking. I never went into it consciously thinking "wow I sure am not enough to satisfy him, better let him have more women" I went into the hooker arrangement thinking that I am enough to make very happy and he would be fine without the hookers. They were a perk. Not a given that I felt he needed.
verhrzn Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 I challenge V to fall truly in love with a man, and be okay with him having other women. I do not think you allow yourself to fall fully 100% in love verhrzn. If it was the deapest of love, you would surely not feel right about him sleeping with other people. This is coming from someone who did let their partner sleep with meaningless hookers at first. There is no WAY I would have ever been willing to stay with him, if he kissed, touched, and was intimate with a women besides the meaningless sex he had (with not intimacy kissing or forplay) ......................I did it because I did not think monogomy for life was ideal for a young man, biologically speaking. I never went into it consciously thinking "wow I sure am not enough to satisfy him, better let him have more women" I went into the hooker arrangement thinking that I am enough to make very happy and he would be fine without the hookers. They were a perk. Not a given that I felt he needed. So, you want me to truly fall in love with a man, and then have him cheat/leave me. That's.... somehow better? It's BECAUSE I am truly into a guy that I'd allow him to go elsewhere. Because I want to keep him. Since I am incapable of keeping guys while monogamous, it makes complete sense to allow him to get his needs satisfied elsewhere so he will still stay with me.
oaks Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 So, you want me to truly fall in love with a man, and then have him cheat/leave me. That's.... somehow better? It's BECAUSE I am truly into a guy that I'd allow him to go elsewhere. Because I want to keep him. Since I am incapable of keeping guys while monogamous, it makes complete sense to allow him to get his needs satisfied elsewhere so he will still stay with me. I think I get this. I don't think it would work for me, but I see where you are coming from.
Necris Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 I can't believe I'm making this thread ........ If as a man, your GF/wife said that she's giving you free reign to go and sleep with other women whom you find hot while you're in a relationship with her, what would you think? Would you do it? Any other thoughts? Opinions from women are more than welcome. I'd strongly suspect she is already cheating on me and pulling this stunt to make it all better, or she's playing some sort of trick.
Leigh 87 Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 So, you want me to truly fall in love with a man, and then have him cheat/leave me. That's.... somehow better? It's BECAUSE I am truly into a guy that I'd allow him to go elsewhere. Because I want to keep him. Since I am incapable of keeping guys while monogamous, it makes complete sense to allow him to get his needs satisfied elsewhere so he will still stay with me. No. Because I believe if you are able to experience the strongest type of love, I do no think you would permit him to sleep with others. That sort of love is a two way thing. You have to see that a man also truly loves you, and become closer based on the mutual underdtanding. I do not think you believe that guy can truly love you, in the deapest sense of the word.... Therefore, you think your okay letting him do that; when really, if you were in love that strongly, you would absolutely NOT be able to let him be with others... Your self perception, in my opinion, is hindering you from truly loving a man 100%. I believe my partner would never want another women (despite what happened earlier). I believe he only wants me. If I were to date a guy where I felt as though I wasn't enough, I would have trouble really letting go and loving him fully.
Leigh 87 Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 And do tell us what your partner says about your suggestion....
Mme. Chaucer Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 You guys continue to confuse me. So, girls shouldn't be jealous and needy, and shouldn't freak out if you're flirting with other girls, or fantasizing about other girls, or watching porn... but shouldn't make the logical leap that an open relationship would serve you both best, otherwise she's "checked out" of the relationship. So, by giving you guys want you want (she remains monogamous while you get to flirt/sleep around to your heart's contentment), she's somehow the bad guy?? Geez, make up your minds. Guys on this thread are telling how they feel about this. Why don't you accept what they are saying and stop trying to twist it all to conform to your notions? Sure, there are guys that really ARE they way you claim. YOU seek them out. Guys who are telling us that they're not that way … aren't. 2
joystickd Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 I know for me if my GF/wife suggested this then I would wonder has she been sleeping around already and if she was trying to pretend she did it because I done it. If you have to resort to this to keep someone then they are not worth the time. Its best to send him on your way and find a man that is willing to make you his #1. Like for me what I do is cool but I really want to find one single woman and make her my #1. 1
verhrzn Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Guys on this thread are telling how they feel about this. Why don't you accept what they are saying and stop trying to twist it all to conform to your notions? Sure, there are guys that really ARE they way you claim. YOU seek them out. Guys who are telling us that they're not that way … aren't. But they are also saying how they would feel in the context of a love/amazing relationship situation, one in which they saw their partner as perfect and deeply loved them. What about in the context of other types of relationships... where the guy settles? Where he isn't that into his partner? Plenty of people marry partners they aren't that in love with, because they want financial stability or a family or respectability or companionship. All the guys on this thread are saying is they'd be heart-broken IF they were madly in love with their partner. What if they're not?
huntingirl2010 Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 NO NO and Double no. lol She said that to SEE if you WOULD do it. Us women play mind games to see how much we can trust our guys. doesn't make sense, but DON'T DO IT!!! lol
joystickd Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 But they are also saying how they would feel in the context of a love/amazing relationship situation, one in which they saw their partner as perfect and deeply loved them. What about in the context of other types of relationships... where the guy settles? Where he isn't that into his partner? Plenty of people marry partners they aren't that in love with, because they want financial stability or a family or respectability or companionship. All the guys on this thread are saying is they'd be heart-broken IF they were madly in love with their partner. What if they're not? If they are not then it's time to move on to someone that will.
joystickd Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 NO NO and Double no. lol She said that to SEE if you WOULD do it. Us women play mind games to see how much we can trust our guys. doesn't make sense, but DON'T DO IT!!! lol Immature women play mind games.
oaks Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 What about in the context of other types of relationships... where the guy settles? Ok, all the guys who are settling for a great emotional connection with an average chick who doesn't do it for you in bed please raise your hand... V has a question for you. (taps microphone) Is this thing on? Anybody? Oh. 1
xxoo Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 But they are also saying how they would feel in the context of a love/amazing relationship situation, one in which they saw their partner as perfect and deeply loved them. What about in the context of other types of relationships... where the guy settles? Where he isn't that into his partner? Plenty of people marry partners they aren't that in love with, because they want financial stability or a family or respectability or companionship. All the guys on this thread are saying is they'd be heart-broken IF they were madly in love with their partner. What if they're not? V, most men in our culture are in no hurry to get married. Why would a man who can attract a variety of women marry a woman he doesn't love? Some guys admit to marrying a woman they weren't so crazy about--but those guys typically had very poor luck dating, and didn't like dating. So why would they want to jump back into dating after marriage? More rejection? More pain? A relationship can be a huge relief for men who dislike the dating game.
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