Kanejd Posted July 26, 2004 Posted July 26, 2004 I would appreciate any advice becuase I'm in a bad state of mind right now and I never went through anything like this before. I (33 year old attorney) began dating Laura (25 year old retail store director) in the Summer of 2002. We fell in love almost within a week. She lived in Philadelphia and I lived in New York City. After six wonderful months, she moved in with me based on many expectations and promises of happiness on my part. I dropped the ball and let her down (not infidelity). Six months later she moved to Washington, DC. with her sister. She told me that she would consider dating again if I got my act together. However, I kept pushing her for many months until she pulled completely away from me. SHe fell out of love and I am still in love. Two months later we began to talk again. I had landed a job in Washington and she was open to dating again. After I had moved, I proceeded to smother her, not push her, just be with her all the time. I had no friends there, just her and her sister. The sister (33) had just been dumbed by her boyfriend and was quite insane. Throughout this time, I tried to be with Laura as much as possible to regain her trust, but the sister, who has no friends and is extremely self-centered, kept wanting Laura to go out to clubs all the time. Although I had not contested this becuase it is her sister, it was driving me crazy. Laura had told me that she wanted to fall in love with me again but couldn't seem to do it no matter how hard she wanted to. We had a great friendship and never argued, but there was no ramance. We went on vacation for a week to get away from life for a while and see if that would do the trick. It didn't! I pouted when she wouldn't have sex with me and that turned her off big time. We were both frustrated and unhappy. We later met and she said that we needed to take some time apart. That she needed to miss me becuase I was always with with her; there was no balance. She told me that 75% was there, buit there was no sexual attraction. That I had lost my confidence (I AGREE) and let myself go (gained some wait and shaved my head). She said that she was scared and didn't want to take the chance of loosing me but that we needed to be apart for a while to hopefully make it work again like it was in the beginning. I verified all this becuase she confides in her brother and he called me up after talking with her and told me that she was telling the truth and not trying to just let me off easy or lead me on. The brother is definately trustworthy. She said that we should go on some dates and I should live my life because I can't keep all that pressure on her and always rely on her. Her sister had called me afterwards to see if I was okay. She said that Laura even feels guilty to go on a date with anyone (idiot). The sister used to call me everyday with her problems, but now has completely stopped calling altogether. In the meantime, I am engaging in a diet and exercise plan, getting something done with my hair, and trying to gain my confidence back. I came this far, I have to see it through. She said she loved me, and wants to see the finished product when I am done with my transformation. Does this all sound like crap to you or am I right by sticking in there and giving it my all. I had alreay bought tickets to a concert in two weeks for her birthday. She and I had already took the day off of work and are still going. I'm not even sure how to act. She has called me two times since to help her with sending an e-mail. I act cool and sound like everything is fine. Please help!
trouble Posted July 26, 2004 Posted July 26, 2004 I can't really speak for her but it is good that you are focusing on you. If she does decide to get back in a relationship you will want to be at your best so you don't have to go through this again. Also if you don't get back together you will still come out ahead because you will have started working on things that help you with confidence. I woulnd't mention anything about the relationship when you go to the concert. I would just have a good time and not try to pressure her. Show her that you can have fun without thinking about long term. Your goal is to make her comfortable and want to go out with you again. At least she is still talking to you and has indicated that there is still a chance. My situation is different. I wish you luck. I am also an attorney and my fiance well I guess ex-fiance is two hours away.
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