Sun Devil Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 I have heard on this forum that I may be projecting desperation when I am talking to girls. They are saying that I should show no interest in them. How do I do this if I am the one starting the conversation?
ThaWholigan Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 You have to find that balance between being interested and not being desperate for their attention. You have to have your own thing going on basically, your own social life, interests, a strong persona etc. Talking to them should be like talking to anyone, not like "this could be my girlfriend! I really want her!", you don't want to overwhelm her with that, just talk to her like you're interested mildly.
JamesM Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Start off by talking with girls that you feel more confident with. Ask out girls who you are fairly sure will date you. (As they say in court, never ask a question that you don't know the answer to. ) Then go out with them and gain confidence in who you are because women DO like you. Go out with them to gain experience with women. Enjoy yourself with no thought that this needs to be anything. Learn what women like. Learn how to listen and talk with women (mainly listen ). If the date is imply a friendship date, then so be it. Don't pressure yourself with some benchmark that you need to reach a certain point with women. You don't. As you gain experience, then you will gain confidence. As you gain confidence in your ability to talk with women and simply have fun, then you will be able to talk with the women that you can't do so confidently today. Then you will find that you will get a little farther with women without even trying too hard. It will come naturally. And little bit by little bit, you will find yourself at the point that you are only dreaming of today. You will be rejected along the way, but don't think "It is my height." It may be, but many women are not turned off by height as much as they are by insecurity and selfishness. Quit worrying about your height and let your personality be the main focus. 2
jcrew11 Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 How is your self confidence? Do you have anything positive in your life? Do you have any thing or qualities that would be appealing to women and that women would want? Women can be attracted to specific things that you need to identify. They'll give a guy a nickname for his most notable trait. Are you the rich guy, the smart guy, the nerdy guy, guy with cool car, stylish guy, charismatic guy, etc. Describe yourself in one word or one sentence. If you think your conversation skills are lacking, perhaps practice your speaking style and also find interesting things to talk about.
CaptJay Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Start off by talking with girls that you feel more confident with. Ask out girls who you are fairly sure will date you. (As they say in court, never ask a question that you don't know the answer to. ) Then go out with them and gain confidence in who you are because women DO like you. Go out with them to gain experience with women. Enjoy yourself with no thought that this needs to be anything. Learn what women like. Learn how to listen and talk with women (mainly listen ). This is outstanding advice and I encourage OP to take it. However, I would go one step further. Because OP seems so eager to have a gf for the sake of having one, I think it might be difficult to go on a date with anybody that he thinks is a "possibility." Therefore, I would purposely ask a girl out as just-friends/platonic. You've defused the situation before it begins, as she will just be herself and not blow you off because she might not be interested, and all of the pressure is off of you because you know that a handshake (or friends hug) and a possible friendship is all you're going to get out of it. During such a plutonic date, your focus will shift completely - instead of worrying yourself sick about whether you have a shot, you will be focused on listening to her, paying attention to your own behavior, and making your first steps to developing male-female chemistry which I think you need (based on this and other posts you've made). When you're more comfortable with women, and know how to handle yourself around them, bring on the non-friends dates! Pressure's off for both of you - I speak from experience! cj 1
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