Taramere Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 It's a minor thing in the grand scheme, but such a miniscule incident really signifies to me why the man normally makes the decision and is the dominant one most of the time. I told my brother to chalk it up to exp, and it wasn't his fault, but that's how a lot of women will think about it, that he didn't want her to come because he was on the fence about it in his words. She wanted to hear him say he wanted her to come. How do you think you guys would have handled things? Ladies, do you have the same thoughts about this? I think neither was necessarily in the wrong here, but what do you think? Perhaps she didn't want to impose where she wasn't wanted. It isn't her home, after all, and manners tend to prevent us from imposing on other people at home unless we're expressly invited. Especially when you're all living together as a family. That's an intimidating situation - going to somebody's home where other family members are there, and you're not certain of the kind of welcome you'll get. She's being criticised here for coming across as insecure/seeking reassurance...but if it was a case of her feeling that she'd like to come over but wasn't certain of her welcome, voicing that would be equally likely to win her criticism for the same things. I sympathise with both of them. I think it's easier to advocate directness than it is to actually follow through with that behaviour. Especially in a situation where they're having an argument and people are feeling vulnerable. There are times I've been very up front and honest about how I felt about a situation (ie if I was feeling hurt or angry and vulnerable about something) and subsequently learned that while that action may be lauded in theory, it often goes against you in practice. In the frame of mind she was probably in "do what you want" would sound indifferent.....but of course it's understandable that that's the response your brother gave. Had he said something like "you're more than welcome to come over if you want, but you don't have to if you don't feel ready to talk face to face" then maybe that would have made it easier for her to visit. On the other hand, perhaps he didn't want her to come over - in which case, better not to extend an invitation he didn't mean.
oaks Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Her getting annoyed when she asked for an opinion to be given or a decision to be made without stating her own preference is passive aggressive bs up with which I will not put.
Author ThaWholigan Posted October 2, 2012 Author Posted October 2, 2012 Her getting annoyed when she asked for an opinion to be given or a decision to be made without stating her own preference is passive aggressive bs up with which I will not put. Depends on the girl really. They've been together for a very long time now.
RogerWallace111 Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Many girls pull this all the time, yep. My ex did it pretty regularly. In one sense it's definitely lame that they have to be passive and weird about it, and won't just speak their mind. I agree it has to do with them needing affirmation, and that the higher their self esteem and faith in your love for them, the less they should feel the need to do that sort of ****. Buuut, if you're with a girl who can be like that, and you love her, it's best to learn to just throw her a bone (not that bone) when she plays those minor games. In fact if you just swallow your pride and consistently tell her you want her to come by (when you do), and don't even play into her "weeellll, I'm not really sure" stuff, she'll eventually stop bothering. She will feel confident about where she stands as far as your desire for her, and will see that game-playing is unnecessary.
SteveC80 Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 I rarely put up with the passive agressive im a weak women who cant make a decison bs i want a partner not a child Though ive noticed attraction got stronger with women in my relationships when i made every decision and she played the weak little lady card.. I think women want to feel their man is more dominant and in a way better and smarter then them,once she thinks your on her level or lesser she loses that attraction
RogerWallace111 Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 I rarely put up with the passive agressive im a weak women who cant make a decison bs i want a partner not a child Though ive noticed attraction got stronger with women in my relationships when i made every decision and she played the weak little lady card.. I think women wantto know their man is more dominant and in a way better and smarter then them,once she thinks your on her level or lesser she loses that attraction A little more straight-the-f*ck-up than I might have put it but I feel that...
RogerWallace111 Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 You don't want a weak woman w/ low self-esteem, etc. But the idea of being with an extremely confident/independent woman, as much as it sounds potentially cool, wouldn't be my cup of tea. You don't want to become the one looking for affirmation. If anything I definitely think that should be the woman. All sexism aside, the males role is typical to be that of the "provider", protector, etc. Not to say certain women can't be equally or sometimes more capable than certain men.
oaks Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Depends on the girl really. They've been together for a very long time now. I guess she has some good qualities that make up for this one.
RogerWallace111 Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 I want to be "needed" by my partner to the same to degree, or if anything, more than I "need" her. My last relationship was pretty "even" in that sense. Both did the breaking up back and forth a couple times before it finally became really clear it just wasnt working. At which point she ended it, but I felt ok with it.
monkey00 Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 I rarely put up with the passive agressive im a weak women who cant make a decison bs i want a partner not a child Though ive noticed attraction got stronger with women in my relationships when i made every decision and she played the weak little lady card.. I think women want to feel their man is more dominant and in a way better and smarter then them,once she thinks your on her level or lesser she loses that attraction I think inherently a lot of women are just looking for their guy to be a leader. The burden and stress of making decisions is not one held lightly that everyone wants. many people are satisfied being a follower. That's true if women feel that you are equal to her she loses attraction. If a woman is attracted to you she will seek your validation. You seeking her validation to her is a sign of weakness. A woman is attracted to a guy she will accommodate herself to the man and his needs/interests, they don't want the guy doing the same for her. To each their own but I feel his applies more often to more feminine women. 1
Author ThaWholigan Posted October 2, 2012 Author Posted October 2, 2012 I guess she has some good qualities that make up for this one. She's actually a very pleasant girl whom I'm quite fond of - in a platonic way of course, and her and my brother have history, they were friends for a while beforehand. They are both Aries aswell, so both have a very hard headed streak in them, particularly my brother, so they do have their arguments - but I think it is just part and parcel of their relationship, an additional dynamic. This one just raised a point that my other brother and I had picked up on. Just to note that these two brothers are on my dad's side, and both are tall like me in case anyone got mixed up. The brother I live with on my mother's side is the short one .
johan Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 If she got upset because he was "on the fence", then he should have told her to just go home then, and also to wait for him naked on the bed. Then not show up. That's taking the initiative.
oaks Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 If she got upset because he was "on the fence", then he should have told her to just go home then, and also to wait for him naked on the bed. Then not show up. That's taking the initiative. Brilliant!
oaks Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 She's actually a very pleasant girl whom I'm quite fond of - in a platonic way of course, and her and my brother have history, they were friends for a while beforehand. They are both Aries aswell, so both have a very hard headed streak in them, particularly my brother, so they do have their arguments - but I think it is just part and parcel of their relationship, an additional dynamic. This one just raised a point that my other brother and I had picked up on. Fair enough. Sounds like either she could've communicated which outcome she wanted a lot more clearly, or he could've used astrology to figure out what she wanted. I can't decide. 2
CptObvious Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 I don't think it has anything to do with taking intiative - I just think people need to communicate better and stop with the passive agressiveness. She should have just said she wanted to comeover. Girls saying what they really mean? Yeah right. 1
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