TopCat22 Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Not really something I'm up for trying now but was curious as to what people's experiences have been. Has anyone actually asked their ex for a 2nd chance after a period of NC? I'm not talking about begging and pleading for them back as seems to be the norm right after the BU, I'm talking more along the lines of apart for a month or two and you realised (dumper or dumpee) that you still loved them and wanted to ask for another shot at the RS. Anyone done this and if so what were the results?
LostOne1 Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Well I might do this... I haven't decided. Most people have told me to move on, because she is not worth it. And it isn't worth my time to waste on her, if she can't see the real me or give me a chance to talk and work it out on her end. But I can't see it hurting to ask if she wants to go for some coffee or something.
flitzanu Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Not really something I'm up for trying now but was curious as to what people's experiences have been. Has anyone actually asked their ex for a 2nd chance after a period of NC? I'm not talking about begging and pleading for them back as seems to be the norm right after the BU, I'm talking more along the lines of apart for a month or two and you realised (dumper or dumpee) that you still loved them and wanted to ask for another shot at the RS. Anyone done this and if so what were the results? has this ex that dumped you made any attempt to contact you, or care at all about communicating?
Author TopCat22 Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 Not in my case, but as I said it's not something I'm going to try. I'm just curious as to what others have done.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Well I might do this... I haven't decided. Most people have told me to move on, because she is not worth it. And it isn't worth my time to waste on her, if she can't see the real me or give me a chance to talk and work it out on her end. But I can't see it hurting to ask if she wants to go for some coffee or something. Please don't do this.
witmadskilllz Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 They say... that a relationship is like a vase When it breaks, of course you can "TRY" to piece it back together but what will you have? A vase that looks like **** and is more unstable than it was before it was broken. Lol best quote ever. simply revised for your own convenience. truth be spoken.
LostOne1 Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Please don't do this. ya im trying to avoid contact now after the email... it's almost sad because it feels like unless I get TOLD it's over again by her.. it won't sink in. In some ways I don't even know why I want to contact her.. when today I don't feel much for her.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 ya im trying to avoid contact now after the email... it's almost sad because it feels like unless I get TOLD it's over again by her.. it won't sink in. In some ways I don't even know why I want to contact her.. when today I don't feel much for her. She's telling you by saying nothing. Sometimes silence is worth a thousand words.
ponette Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 ...but if we can do the personal work we need to, we can make a NEW relationship with that person. BUT..enough work has to be done, and that person has to be receptive. not impossible. don't know if i can do it. attempting to muster the courage to try. 2
LostOne1 Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 She's telling you by saying nothing. Sometimes silence is worth a thousand words. yeah that's what I tell myself. But it also makes me feel like I need to be the one to show I care. In our fights before it was always her trying to make it work. Or at least she would say say. Made me feel like it was my turn to show or make it work.
blue_jay_bird Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 I hinted of 2 chance down the line, after 3 months. Was shot down very firmly, with " we are done". Don't try it, if they want you. They know where you are. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 (edited) yeah that's what I tell myself. But it also makes me feel like I need to be the one to show I care. In our fights before it was always her trying to make it work. Or at least she would say say. Made me feel like it was my turn to show or make it work. You are overthinking again. You showed your cared with the email. Anything more than that before she responds goes from caring to obsessed. Edited October 1, 2012 by Simon Phoenix
Mike_d Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 yeah that's what I tell myself. But it also makes me feel like I need to be the one to show I care. In our fights before it was always her trying to make it work. Or at least she would say say. Made me feel like it was my turn to show or make it work. codependent much? as noted before, no answer is an answer. No answer = 'please go away, you are not worth enough for me to respond to'. you really need to take the huge suggestions that she is giving you. if she cared for you she'd text you back and say so. if she wanted to hear from you she'd text you back and say so. if she had something to say to you she'd text you back and say so. none of these things have happened. yet somehow there is still confusion and lack of acceptance within your noggin....
flitzanu Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 yeah that's what I tell myself. But it also makes me feel like I need to be the one to show I care. In our fights before it was always her trying to make it work. Or at least she would say say. Made me feel like it was my turn to show or make it work. so if you got fired from a job, would you show back up and start working, just to "show them you care"? no, you'd be insane to do that, right? you got fired from the relationship. 2
suladas Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 so if you got fired from a job, would you show back up and start working, just to "show them you care"? no, you'd be insane to do that, right? you got fired from the relationship. Big difference. Some it would be like a layoff because they didn't need so many people, it's not a issue with you, it's just you aren't needed at this point in time. Every case is different. I think if you want to try things again whether you are the dumper or dumpee you need to reach out. Not a million times, but once. If you have done that with no response, then that's all you can do.
suladas Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 yeah that's what I tell myself. But it also makes me feel like I need to be the one to show I care. In our fights before it was always her trying to make it work. Or at least she would say say. Made me feel like it was my turn to show or make it work. I was thinking the exact same way, still am to a point. But if you've tried, trying again I don't think will do anything as much as it sucks to say.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Big difference. Some it would be like a layoff because they didn't need so many people, it's not a issue with you, it's just you aren't needed at this point in time. Every case is different. I think if you want to try things again whether you are the dumper or dumpee you need to reach out. Not a million times, but once. If you have done that with no response, then that's all you can do. Very few people who get laid off by a company go back to work for that same company. They get another job. And people who get laid off get laid off because they are deemed expendable. 1
k100danny Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 after an actual break up where i know it is the end i have never asked for another chance no. Im my latest relationship we broke up and got back together a few times, she would break up a lot and then come back and i think she used this to get her own way but in the end I knew we werent working and it was for the best although it was very hard not to want us to work it out and on some level i thought we might. You know in your heart you want something that isn't there, if someone can break up with you why would you want them back? this is a sign they don't have the commitment to the relationship or see it in the same way you do. When we say we wan't someone back it usually isn't the case, we want back what we THINK we had, and we want to almost reverse time and everything go back to how it was but this can NEVER HAPPEN.
suladas Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Very few people who get laid off by a company go back to work for that same company. They get another job. And people who get laid off get laid off because they are deemed expendable. It's just still not the same thing though. I mean it's like the company has only one position and they no longer have a need for it, so there is no choice. And they aren't getting anyone else to fill it. I mean, in a job two jobs can be pretty much exactly the same, no two people are the same. So that's why it's a lot easier just to move onto a new job. I've never cared when I left a job at all, MAYBE the people that's it. It's just not the same thing as a relationship. That's my case anyway. It's a lot different if the ex is dating someone new, or is looking for someone new.
suladas Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 Your Ex is thinking about wanting to be with you. You still haven't heard back from her. How long does it take for her to figure it out? If your Ex wants you, why isn't she with you? If she wants you, why don't you contact her and ask her out? What are you waiting for? I'm not saying she wants me. I have no idea. All i'm saying is, every case is different and I know in mine she had zero intention to date anyone else right now, and the break up wasn't caused by not wanting to be with me it was caused by not wanting to be with anyone at that point. I just get frustrated when some people think one solution fits EVERY single person, it just doesn't.
geegirl Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 I'm not saying she wants me. I have no idea. All i'm saying is, every case is different and I know in mine she had zero intention to date anyone else right now, and the break up wasn't caused by not wanting to be with me it was caused by not wanting to be with anyone at that point. I just get frustrated when some people think one solution fits EVERY single person, it just doesn't. "I have contacted her a few times since the break, about a week after I texted her asking if she was willing to give things another try and that I honestly did make some mistakes and bascially asking if there was still anything between us. She said she would think about it, but that is the last i've heard from her. The day after she broke up with me I texted her and she ignored it, and ignored a few more of my texts after so I believe the i'll think about it was genuine and not just saying it. After a month I texted her just asking how things were and got no response though. But I don't know what the lack of response means for sure, if she is moving/moved on and has no interest, is thinking about things, or what? Last week on facebook I noticed she got a new job so I sent her a quick text congratulating her on it, and never got a response." Suladas, I have to say you are very much in denial. The above is from your background story. She's ignored you time and time again. The break up wasn't caused by not wanting to be with you but because she didn't want to be with anybody? Unfortunately, she's not with you. You are "anybody". You're the rule, not the exception. Coupled with the fact that she ignored your attempts at contact, is an answer. Silence speaks volumes. TopCat: Don't do it. I know you said you're just wanting opinions. The fact that you ask, means you've been thinking about it. Best not to go that route. 3
Simon Phoenix Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 It's just still not the same thing though. I mean it's like the company has only one position and they no longer have a need for it, so there is no choice. And they aren't getting anyone else to fill it. I mean, in a job two jobs can be pretty much exactly the same, no two people are the same. So that's why it's a lot easier just to move onto a new job. I've never cared when I left a job at all, MAYBE the people that's it. It's just not the same thing as a relationship. That's my case anyway. It's a lot different if the ex is dating someone new, or is looking for someone new. No matter what effort you make to spin this analogy (which now you are dismissing even though you created the analogy), the point is that she deemed you expendable, she fired you. In reading your posts, you seem to be in denial of this.
Svet74 Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 I asked my ex back like 4 months later and basically got rejected. well in my opinion there is no point to that. cuz if they broke up with you then its their job to get you back. Your job is done. And thats moving on. 2
mtnbiker Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 If she had any intention of trying again she would either contact you first or respond to your attempt to contact. Not the ones you sent withing days, as how could you have changed anything in that short time, but the one a month later? It's over man. Time to move on. Tons of people on here of both sexes thought the last was different and/or the one, only to find out that those feelings were not mutual. (including myself) I understand the "one way is not for every case" theory and believe it as well, but actions or non actions speak very loudly.
suladas Posted October 2, 2012 Posted October 2, 2012 I might be in denial about why the break up happened, I guess I find it tough to believe she didn't want me and that we only broke up because she doesn't want anyone right now. But in the end, that doesn't matter. I'm not in denial about it being over though. I know it's over, i'm moving on. It's just every once in a while in the process of moving on I get caught up thinking maybe I should text her, maybe this or that. But overall I do completely know it's over. Removing her from facebook really helped though.
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