Why do they beg you you to stay?

[Radagast]

Over the weekend I was having a chat with a friend. His brother had recently told his wife he was leaving his marriage to move in with his girlfriend now that the youngest child had gone off to university. His marriage had been over for a long time, as far as we all knew. He and his wife never went anywhere as a couple, she was always putting him (and men in general, but him in particular) down every chance she got, and he had slowly allowed himself to fall in love with a woman he'd met through work who seems a far better fit for him. So I was surprised to learn from my friend that when his brother had told his wife about his plans to leave, she'd literally clung to him and begged him to stay, and had phoned him (my friend) to plead with him to "talk some sense into him" to get him to realise what a "mistake" he'd be making to leave a woman who treated him like rubbish for a woman who loved him and respected him and who shared common interests with him. And yet it all sounded horribly familiar.

 

Neither my friend nor I could understand why a woman who clearly thinks so little of her husband that she feels the need to put him down every chance she gets, including to the children, who spends no time with him out of choice, who was last intimate with him probably when their youngest child was conceived and who has shown no interest in being his wife or partner for the last few decades would suddenly be begging and pleading the man to stay that she only the week before was accusing of having ruined her life and wishing he would drop off the face of the planet. If he wasn't good enough before, why wasn't she relieved he'd be leaving her?

 

My friend's wife suggested that it was less a change of heart than a response to hearing that he had someone else. She didn't want him, but she didn't want any other woman to have him either - far less someone who actually loved and respected him. It was simply a competitive issue. She couldn't allow another woman to "steal" the man she regarded as hers. She also suggested belated realism about the wife's own prospects. She pointed to the example of my ex-wife, who years after being dumped was still alone and embittered, with every prospect of remaining like that in perpetuity.

 

It seemed unlikely to either of us that such reasons would be sufficient to make someone (or certainly not us!) stay with someone who clearly no longer loved them, patently loved another and wished to be with that person, and had clearly only stayed with their spouse to provide a stable home for the children.

 

So I guess this question is for the unfaithful spouses who left: did your spouse beg you to stay despite your telling them you loved and wanted another, and how did you understand this?

 

For those whose unfaithful spouses left them for their lovers: did you beg your spouse not to leave you, despite knowing they loved another, and if so, why?

 

And for others who've seen similar situations play out - how did you understand the dynamic?

 

Please focus only on the situations described in this thread, there are other threads with other outcomes to discuss those outcomes. This thread is to discuss why a spouse would beg their unfaithful spouse who loves another, and whom they have themselves dissed for years, to stay, when it's clear any love or respect has long left the marriage. Thank you.

[AnotherRound]

Over the weekend I was having a chat with a friend. His brother had recently told his wife he was leaving his marriage to move in with his girlfriend now that the youngest child had gone off to university. His marriage had been over for a long time, as far as we all knew. He and his wife never went anywhere as a couple, she was always putting him (and men in general, but him in particular) down every chance she got, and he had slowly allowed himself to fall in love with a woman he'd met through work who seems a far better fit for him. So I was surprised to learn from my friend that when his brother had told his wife about his plans to leave, she'd literally clung to him and begged him to stay, and had phoned him (my friend) to plead with him to "talk some sense into him" to get him to realise what a "mistake" he'd be making to leave a woman who treated him like rubbish for a woman who loved him and respected him and who shared common interests with him. And yet it all sounded horribly familiar.

 

Neither my friend nor I could understand why a woman who clearly thinks so little of her husband that she feels the need to put him down every chance she gets, including to the children, who spends no time with him out of choice, who was last intimate with him probably when their youngest child was conceived and who has shown no interest in being his wife or partner for the last few decades would suddenly be begging and pleading the man to stay that she only the week before was accusing of having ruined her life and wishing he would drop off the face of the planet. If he wasn't good enough before, why wasn't she relieved he'd be leaving her?

 

My friend's wife suggested that it was less a change of heart than a response to hearing that he had someone else. She didn't want him, but she didn't want any other woman to have him either - far less someone who actually loved and respected him. It was simply a competitive issue. She couldn't allow another woman to "steal" the man she regarded as hers. She also suggested belated realism about the wife's own prospects. She pointed to the example of my ex-wife, who years after being dumped was still alone and embittered, with every prospect of remaining like that in perpetuity.

 

It seemed unlikely to either of us that such reasons would be sufficient to make someone (or certainly not us!) stay with someone who clearly no longer loved them, patently loved another and wished to be with that person, and had clearly only stayed with their spouse to provide a stable home for the children.

 

So I guess this question is for the unfaithful spouses who left: did your spouse beg you to stay despite your telling them you loved and wanted another, and how did you understand this?

 

For those whose unfaithful spouses left them for their lovers: did you beg your spouse not to leave you, despite knowing they loved another, and if so, why?

 

And for others who've seen similar situations play out - how did you understand the dynamic?

 

Please focus only on the situations described in this thread, there are other threads with other outcomes to discuss those outcomes. This thread is to discuss why a spouse would beg their unfaithful spouse who loves another, and whom they have themselves dissed for years, to stay, when it's clear any love or respect has long left the marriage. Thank you.

 

Well, as someone who has never begged another human being for anything (honestly, that behavior makes me ill), I have NO idea why anyone does this in any situation. If someone looks me in the eye, tells me that they are not in love with me and they do not want to be with me - I walk away. Yes, it can hurt, and I have to heal - but I do it on my own and take them at their word - that they do NOT want to be with me.

 

But, what I bolded above is what I think happens with a LOT of people. Or, they are afraid of the unknown, of change. Or, they think that they will never find security (I think people that beg are looking for security, not love, and clinging to that, not the partner) again, and beg as if their life actually depends on it.

 

It's an odd thing, imo. My exH begged me after he had an affair not to leave him. But, literally got on his knees, sobbing, and begged me. It was not an attractive thing, and all it did was make me REALLY uncomfortable and sad for him. It's cute when my dogs beg - when humans do it, it's just really pathetic, imo. Anyway, exH begged, but I don't think it was about love. He did love his OW, that I was sure of. And he probably did love me, that I'm almost positive of. But when it came down to it, he was clinging to the security, imo. He knew me, had known me for years - we were "comfortable" together. He knew what to expect with me, but with the new girl (they hadn't been seeing each other very long), there were a lot of unknowns. That is what scared him I think.

 

To me, love is not what these things are about when people are begging and bargaining. Imo, love is not beggable or bargainable. It either is, or it isn't. But, some people are convinced that if they can just manipulate a situation to a more comfortable outcome that maybe the love will come, or happen if it was never there, or that the love just won't be an issue. .

 

For me, if someone doesn't want to be with me, I accept that immediately, and adjust my behavior accordingly. It's a long running joke with my friends that if I have a break up, I delete numbers almost immediately. To me, what's the point of not doing so? I mean, if we have decided, or one of us has decided, that it's just not going to work - well, that's enough for me. I will find someone that it will work with - or, I will be single. Neither is adverse to me, so, I move on.

 

Now I'm thinking about begging and how much it grosses me out... thanks for that! lol

[waterwoman]

I wouldn't beg. Didn't need to thank god. H did say he loved OW, but he also loved me and he had ended things with her, so had for all practical purposes already made his choice.

 

But if you are asking why I would have wanted him to stay when he loved someone else, I guess because when I first heard that I was in shock, convinced it couldn't be 'real', it was just an infatuation etc. It has taken me 3.5 months to get to the stage of accepting that he did (does) love her but that that didn't change the way he felt about me. Don't forget the WS has had time to get used to the situation, the BS might just have learned about it - you can't expect them to 'get it' straightaway and shock can make you do things you wouldn't normally do. I can honestly say that when I found out I felt as if someone had physically punched me in the stomach - couldn't take a proper breath, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, forgot my words when I tried to speak. Not a good place to make major decisions from, or to accept major life changes when imposed on you.

[MonsterMash]

Its all about keeping the status quo. My ex garden tool begged, pleaded, used every nasty trick in the book from free passes, a threesome with another woman...to using her son as a weapon.

 

What I saw those last few months from her...pathetic isn't a strong enough word to cover it. I came to regard her as less than human.

 

But in the end, the begging is bull****. Its designed by the beggar simply to keep the status quo and to eventually beat you back into the hell you were living that made you want to leave in the first place.

 

It ain't real. Don't fall for it.

[SidLyon]

...

 

So I guess this question is for the unfaithful spouses who left: did your spouse beg you to stay despite your telling them you loved and wanted another, and how did you understand this?

 

For those whose unfaithful spouses left them for their lovers: did you beg your spouse not to leave you, despite knowing they loved another, and if so, why?

 

And for others who've seen similar situations play out - how did you understand the dynamic?

 

Please focus only on the situations described in this thread, there are other threads with other outcomes to discuss those outcomes. This thread is to discuss why a spouse would beg their unfaithful spouse who loves another, and whom they have themselves dissed for years, to stay, when it's clear any love or respect has long left the marriage. Thank you.

 

I suppose only the BSs who begged might truly be able to answer this question.

 

I'm a BW who's H didn't ever leave, but on d-day itself I did ask him to stay until the end of the week. I don't think it constituted begging but I was crying at the time so maybe he saw it that way.

 

It was all too much for me to process. I assumed my marriage was over (I was naive and knew virtually nothing about infidelity dynamics then) but wanted to delay his leaving (which I automatically assumed was going to happen) for a few days. I found out the day before the first of my law exams that year and wanted him to delay leaving until after my last exam a few days later.

 

If I was "begging" which I don't concede, it was nothing to do with competing with the OW. It was logistical in that I wouldn't be able to meet the kids from school because I had exams. Looking back my thought processes seem totally ludicrous now, but that was my (probably warped)reasoning at the time.

[Spark1111]

I'm sure for all the same reasons many a MAP beg to reconcile following a dday:

 

Fear of the unkown

Fear of losing the family life.

Change in finances, status, asset-splitting.

Fear of the children being hurt.

Realizing they truly love their spouse.

Not wanting anyone else to have their spouse.

Fear of shame and humiliation.

 

Yeah, EXACTLY the same reasons many a MM or MW beg to reconcile.

[eleanorrigby]

I wouldn't beg. Didn't need to thank god. H did say he loved OW, but he also loved me and he had ended things with her, so had for all practical purposes already made his choice.

 

But if you are asking why I would have wanted him to stay when he loved someone else, I guess because when I first heard that I was in shock, convinced it couldn't be 'real', it was just an infatuation etc. It has taken me 3.5 months to get to the stage of accepting that he did (does) love her but that that didn't change the way he felt about me. Don't forget the WS has had time to get used to the situation, the BS might just have learned about it - you can't expect them to 'get it' straightaway and shock can make you do things you wouldn't normally do. I can honestly say that when I found out I felt as if someone had physically punched me in the stomach - couldn't take a proper breath, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, forgot my words when I tried to speak. Not a good place to make major decisions from, or to accept major life changes when imposed on you.

 

I was the same. I felt sucker punched when I found out and went in and out of a daze for a few weeks after d-day. I wasn't fit to pick out my underwear daily for a while, let alone make a decision about my life.

[Ninja'sHusband]

I'm sure for all the same reasons many a MAP beg to reconcile following a dday:

 

Fear of the unkown

Fear of losing the family life.

Change in finances, status, asset-splitting.

Fear of the children being hurt.

Realizing they truly love their spouse.

Not wanting anyone else to have their spouse.

Fear of shame and humiliation.

 

Yeah, EXACTLY the same reasons many a MM or MW beg to reconcile.

 

I took my list from the other thread and whittled out the items that didn't make sense anymore...and I almost double posted what you have here...so haha I AGREE!

[jnj express]

His wife also is facing the reality, of having to deal with life on her own---working possibly more than one job to make ends meet---and no matter how bad she treated her H., what kind of men are out there for her----she is probably at least close to 50, so she has age limitations also---if she is in a small population area, the number of available men is probably small

 

She is probably terrified of having to face a future of her own.

[Summer Breeze]

I completely agree Spark. Seems fear is a ruling factor for a lot of things.

 

 

No truer words spoken. I agree with Spark's list and with what you've said BNB. Any time there is some sort of traumatic encounter there are all sorts of kneejerk reactions and they're all based on fear rather than logic.

 

My SIL begged her WH to stay and he did. It was so cruel to watch because it didn't take him long to figure out he still had the power. He pulled her close and pushed her away and she never got her footing in the M again. I haven't spoken to her in about 5 years but I do know they've split up. He was with someone new pretty darned fast so I can only guess what happened. Fear was what drove her decisions and he fed it.

[Owl]

I'll admit it...I begged for the first two days.

 

But...not for myself. Not even for my kids. But because I truly and honestly feared for my wife's well-being. She didn't know this man...she knew very, very little about him based entirely off of IM and phone conversations.

 

In reality, he could have been any kind of person. He was just someone she met on the internet. He could have been lying about everything, and there was no telling what could have been waiting there for her if she actually had got on that plane and left to "be" with him.

 

So I begged...pleaded...tried to get her to open her eyes and see the risks. She wouldn't/couldn't...too blinded by her infatuation to accept that harsh honest truth that she was putting herself at risk...doing something we'd have been panicked about had one of our kids been contemplating the same thing.

 

But I realized that this begging wasn't going to solve the problem...so I stopped.

 

But I can honestly say that it wasn't begging for myself...it was because I loved (love) her and couldn't accept her taking this kind of risk.

 

And things worked out for both of us.

[Gagirl]

As a woman, who wants to re-enter the dating scene when your kids are grown? Let's face it, the grossest, dumbest and ugliest guys can get a woman but, it is much harder to get a man when you're older. Who wants to spend their golden years alone? Raising kids is over and now is the time to start enjoying life as a couple but, instead these ladies are forced back into the dating scene. They now have to control their weight, use Botox, be sweet, avoid players, meet someone get dropped and so on. I clearly understand why they don't want their lacking spouse to leave because the options aren't much better.

[AnotherRound]

As a woman, who wants to re-enter the dating scene when your kids are grown? Let's face it, the grossest, dumbest and ugliest guys can get a woman but, it is much harder to get a man when you're older. Who wants to spend their golden years alone? Raising kids is over and now is the time to start enjoying life as a couple but, instead these ladies are forced back into the dating scene. They now have to control their weight, use Botox, be sweet, avoid players, meet someone get dropped and so on. I clearly understand why they don't want their lacking spouse to leave because the options aren't much better.

 

Reading this made me sad for women. I guess for me, if a man doesn't appreciate all of me - without botox, or weight issues, or whatever - then I'm not interested in him either. Maybe I'm misunderstanding here - but would you be interested in a man that considered these things to be his dealbreakers? I think for me, the fact that these were his dealbreakers would be a dealbreaker for me, lol... if that makes sense?

 

Granted, I don't have children, so I don't have that against me. And I'm not 50+, so that isn't against me. But honestly, if those kinds of shallow things are going to keep me single, then I prefer to be single. I want a man that appreciates substance - it's great that he can be attracted to me too - but we all know that looks fade for most people. If my looks "fade", then I would hope that he could still find me sexy (as that has very little to do with looks, imo) and attractive in so many other ways.

 

But, I would never stay with someone that I wasn't happy with bc of these reasons. I'm curious as to how many women do? If it's a large number, then I'm sad that this is what is valued, and what people do to avoid being "over looked" by males.

[Owl]

This thread is to discuss why a spouse would beg their unfaithful spouse who loves another, and whom they have themselves dissed for years, to stay, when it's clear any love or respect has long left the marriage. Thank you.

 

Re-reading this, it sure comes off as...well, off.

 

Who is going to say that they begged for someone to stay...after they'd dissed them for years...and admit that the love and respect had been out of the marriage for years???

 

Really?

 

No one would...even IF (and it's a big if, IMHO) someone WERE in that kind of situation, it's hardly realistic to expect that anyone would admit it...even on a board of internet strangers.

 

IF the BS truly felt that they HAD been that rude and disrespectful...and if they DID feel that the marriage had been over for years...any sane person would sieze the opportunity to end that horrible situation to begin with.

 

Odds are that in the situation you discribe, two completely discrepant viewpoints. I'd bet that what you described so clearly is how YOU viewed your marriage, her response, and your situation. And I'd be pretty convinced that your wife did NOT share your viewpoint, but instead had a completely different aspect and opinion on it. And lastly, I'd figure the "reality" of the situation was somewhere in the middle.

 

If you get anyone to come on here and honestly admit that they begged and pleaded after destroying the relationship with their horrific behavior heaped upon years of trying to foster a dead and decayed relationship, I'd be amazed...or suspect someone was trolling.

[seren]

Jeepus GaGirl, this is a huge assumption that just because someone is married they have let themselves slide, personally speaking, I am 55 yrs, I have no need or inclination for Botox and my weight is not an issue. If I were to find myself back on the dating scene I would discard any man who went for the superficial.

 

My H didn't beg, I hate to see my dogs begging let alone the man I love. He did however put his cards on the table, show he was willing to do whatever it took for us to reconcile and there were no, I need to stay for money, housing, children, because I am now so old no one else will want me, type thoughts. We both stayed because we wanted to.

 

I have had a firend tell me how she begged her husband to stay on her hands and knees, TBH it blew me away. I cannot ever imagine begging someone to stay, if someone did stay for any length of time after that I would suggest it has more to do with the person realising they wanted to stay than because of the begging, unless they are begged daily.

My friend said she did so because at that moment, she couldn't imagine life without her H, and that she loved him so much, begging was more a symbol of how much she wanted him to stay and how much she loved him.

 

I think it isn't the action of the person begging that is the issue, more the actions afterwards of the person being begged. Did they stay? did they gently say, nope I am leaving? I wouldn't beg, but I can see how, in the moment, begging can take place, I would be more interested in the days and weeks and months afterwards.

[stillafool]

I guess most people who beg their WS to stay see it as a way of fighting for their marriage. Would the BS feel better if they didn't show any emotion and said "okay, goodbye and have a better life with your new lover"? Of course not. They would think the BS didn't care and there would be little chance for reconciliation.

[Summer Breeze]

As a woman, who wants to re-enter the dating scene when your kids are grown? Let's face it, the grossest, dumbest and ugliest guys can get a woman but, it is much harder to get a man when you're older. Who wants to spend their golden years alone? Raising kids is over and now is the time to start enjoying life as a couple but, instead these ladies are forced back into the dating scene. They now have to control their weight, use Botox, be sweet, avoid players, meet someone get dropped and so on. I clearly understand why they don't want their lacking spouse to leave because the options aren't much better.

 

Wow. Really? I'd rather be in my golden years alone than with someone who cheated on me and I am staying with because I have no other choice rather than because I want to be with them.

 

I'm closer to 60 than 50 and I date regularly. There have been some lovely men in my life but they're not the right men. They were still looking for Rs and not one of them cared that I'm a little overweight and don't do botox. In all fairness I do more dropping than being dropped.

 

I couldn't live knowing the option I'd taken was to settle for less than I was worth.

 

Please keep in mind I'm saying this very generally. This is not aimed at any couples who have reconciled. I'm saying it to BS who stay because they think it's better than what Gagirl said in her post.

[Radagast]

Re-reading this, it sure comes off as...well, off.

 

Who is going to say that they begged for someone to stay...after they'd dissed them for years...and admit that the love and respect had been out of the marriage for years???

 

Really?

 

No one would...even IF (and it's a big if, IMHO) someone WERE in that kind of situation, it's hardly realistic to expect that anyone would admit it...even on a board of internet strangers.

 

IF the BS truly felt that they HAD been that rude and disrespectful...and if they DID feel that the marriage had been over for years...any sane person would sieze the opportunity to end that horrible situation to begin with.

 

Odds are that in the situation you discribe, two completely discrepant viewpoints. I'd bet that what you described so clearly is how YOU viewed your marriage, her response, and your situation. And I'd be pretty convinced that your wife did NOT share your viewpoint, but instead had a completely different aspect and opinion on it. And lastly, I'd figure the "reality" of the situation was somewhere in the middle.

 

If you get anyone to come on here and honestly admit that they begged and pleaded after destroying the relationship with their horrific behavior heaped upon years of trying to foster a dead and decayed relationship, I'd be amazed...or suspect someone was trolling.

 

I am quite sure my ex-wife does not feel she treated me badly. She feels she treated me fairly. She certainly would see nothing wrong in dissing men in general and me in particular, and has apparently said as much to my son when he complained about her doing the same to him in front of his girlfriend. "Men have oppressed women since the dawn of time. If women complain about men's failings, that's a small price to pay."

 

However despite her feelings about men in general or me in particular she continued to beg long after I'd left, even after I'd remarried. We have had no contact for years now so I have no idea whether she misses me or sticks pins in an effigy of me or both, and frankly it's irrelevant to me, but I was interested to hear of a similar thing happening to someone else and wondered why. It makes no sense to me at all. When my ex-wife left me I certainly did not beg her to stay (or to come back) and I had to think long and hard before I agreed to take her back, because I knew I was happier alone than in a broken marriage. But obviously not everyone feels the same way.

[Radagast]

As a woman, who wants to re-enter the dating scene when your kids are grown? Let's face it, the grossest, dumbest and ugliest guys can get a woman but, it is much harder to get a man when you're older. Who wants to spend their golden years alone? Raising kids is over and now is the time to start enjoying life as a couple but, instead these ladies are forced back into the dating scene. They now have to control their weight, use Botox, be sweet, avoid players, meet someone get dropped and so on. I clearly understand why they don't want their lacking spouse to leave because the options aren't much better.

 

I was quite shocked to read this. My ex-wife was an older mother and is in her 60s now the kids have left home. She also leads a very inward life and so does not have many opportunities to meet new people so may well be facing the kind of issues you raises, but I'm sure that that is by no means the case for everyone.

 

My wife's kids have also left home (they're older than my kids, so left home earlier) and she's in her 40s, very attractive, slim, no need for botox. She had absolutely no trouble finding men she enjoyed being with and has never felt the need to put up with anyone she considered sub-standard for fear of being alone, and nor do I get the sense she'd fear being alone anyway.

 

I don't think anyone should settle for being with someone who does not make them happy, especially once the excuse of "staying for the kids" has passed.

[LifesontheUp]

No I didn't beg. I asked if he was going to continue with a 3rd person in our marriage and he said yes. I then packed some bags and threw him out.

 

The begging came from xH when he wanted me to take him back cause of the massive mistake he made as he didn't want to be with OW.

 

In fact it's nearly 10 years later and I still see him through work and he tells me he misses me and wishes he could go back in time and never got involved with OW

[Got it]

Re-reading this, it sure comes off as...well, off.

 

Who is going to say that they begged for someone to stay...after they'd dissed them for years...and admit that the love and respect had been out of the marriage for years???

 

Really?

 

No one would...even IF (and it's a big if, IMHO) someone WERE in that kind of situation, it's hardly realistic to expect that anyone would admit it...even on a board of internet strangers.

 

IF the BS truly felt that they HAD been that rude and disrespectful...and if they DID feel that the marriage had been over for years...any sane person would sieze the opportunity to end that horrible situation to begin with.

 

Odds are that in the situation you discribe, two completely discrepant viewpoints. I'd bet that what you described so clearly is how YOU viewed your marriage, her response, and your situation. And I'd be pretty convinced that your wife did NOT share your viewpoint, but instead had a completely different aspect and opinion on it. And lastly, I'd figure the "reality" of the situation was somewhere in the middle.

 

If you get anyone to come on here and honestly admit that they begged and pleaded after destroying the relationship with their horrific behavior heaped upon years of trying to foster a dead and decayed relationship, I'd be amazed...or suspect someone was trolling.

 

For dMM this was the case. She had her own affair a few years prior, he found out on his own, told him sorry, it's over, get over it and never wanted to do anything with him alone. She felt if the kids weren't involved it wasn't necessary and his needs are selfish.

 

She did beg and plead after they were separated and found out I was in the picture, about 4 months after separation and started a blitzkrieg.

 

His purpose was to take care of her and he was failing that regardless of his needs and wants.

 

My mom did a similar with my dad. My mom and he amicably divorced with nary a concern. My mom finds out he is dating and everything hits the fan. This was a rinse and repeat a few times.

 

I have seen the whole I don't want you but I don't want anyone else to have you scenerio.

[Radagast]

Which is why I find expecting a response from others "in a similar situation" to be highly unlikely. You're not going to find that many whackdoodles here...nor would they "out" themselves by admitting to it if they were...they wouldn't even admit it TO themselves, let alone on a thread here on LS.

 

I imagine you're perfectly correct in that assumption. Which was why the opening post was primarily addressed to a different group, although in the interests of inclusivity it made allowances for others on different sides of the scenario outlined to participate too:

 

So I guess this question is for the unfaithful spouses who left: did your spouse beg you to stay despite your telling them you loved and wanted another, and how did you understand this?

 

For those whose unfaithful spouses left them for their lovers: did you beg your spouse not to leave you, despite knowing they loved another, and if so, why?

 

And for others who've seen similar situations play out - how did you understand the dynamic?

 

If my post was aimed exclusively at those like my ex-wife or my friend's sister-in-law, I would agree that there would be little value in posting it as I'm sure they would not recognise themselves in the scenario in the first place, let alone be prepared to answer honestly if they did. However, my opening post does make it clear that the post was aimed at other groups who may have experienced similar situations from a different vantage point, or simply observed it, rather than only the rather niche category your reply suggests.