River Rain Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Hi Everyone, I was in pieces the last few weeks because my (now) ex-boyfriend made little to no contact with me. I took charge on Saturday and finally told him that I would stop trying to connect with him if he needed space, but that too much space would damage our relationship, to please be fair. Last night I got the "letting you down easy" email. Not ready for a relationship, so sorry, if you're ever in my area, look me up...blah blah blah. Instead of hurt and sad, I felt angry and I kind of lashed out at him. Ours was a long distance romance and we'd never met yet. We had lots of plans though, lots of promises were made, so some things had to be said on my part, just to keep a little dignity. I did the right thing and blocked his email address so that anything coming from him would be deleted and I would never see it. I also changed my cell phone number in case he wanted to text or call me. I deleted all his emails and photos...I wiped him clean out of my life. This morning, I almost feel a relief of sorts. All day and night Saturday, I cried my eyes out. I guess I knew by then it was over. But yesterday (Sunday), I kept super busy, sewed, cleaned and organized the bathroom, went for a long walk (without tears) and baked. Sure, I thought of him, but I didn't cry. I almost feel as though it was just a fantasy, do you know what I mean? Is it because we never met? Kind of like a day dream that's over now and I can move on to the next day dream. Did I not really love him? Why the relief? Puzzling to me that it's this easy to get over him. I'm slightly concerned. I hope there isn't a big phase of despair waiting around the corner.
Berna Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 My ex broke with me 10 days ago, we were also in a LDR. The first few days I felt relief because I wrote to him everything I wanted to tell him, so I got it off my chest. Although some things still do trigger sadness and I do miss him sometimes, there are not many things to miss. We were together for 11 months, but were actually together maybe 3 weeks during that time. My routine didn't change, and I no more have any expectations from him, so it makes it easier. The notion that we will never be together again and do the things we did which felt nice make me sad though, but that's it. I think you will have ups and downs like after every break up, for every break up is a loss in a sense, but as someone said to me here when I was confused like you that I felt relief, whatever you feel is normal and don't question it. Take care
Author River Rain Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 Although some things still do trigger sadness and I do miss him sometimes, there are not many things to miss. This particular sentence really meant something to be Berna. "there are not many things to miss"...perspective. It's true. What do I have to miss? Loving words and time spent talking, yes...but we never met. I can't miss what I never had...maybe I was romanticizing things a little too much. whatever you feel is normal and don't question it. Thank you for saying this. It's good advice. Not only for breakups, but in general. Too many times we're told that what we feel is wrong, when it isn't, it's how we feel, it can't be wrong. I'm sorry about your breakup, you take care too.
Author River Rain Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 It was a fantasy, you'd not met in person. Thanks for responding. I think you're right. I blew things up in my mind to make it more real than it was. I think I just wanted love so badly...but I learned my lesson not to want it desperately.
LostOne1 Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Thanks for responding. I think you're right. I blew things up in my mind to make it more real than it was. I think I just wanted love so badly...but I learned my lesson not to want it desperately. I'm slowly feeling that too.. that I was scared of being alone.. I wanted someone in my life. So I found my ex and entered her life. And heck I changed her life for the better, I know that and she always told me that... but at some point I stopped doing all the little things I did... she did them more. I guess I just liked being in a relationship and having someone. And just knowing I wasn't alone in this world anymore. And, sure I have family, friends and all, but being in a relationship is different. I guess I got into it for some what of the wrong reasons. She wanted the same thing though, just wanting someone to love her and be with her. I guess we kinda feel apart after and well... things don't look good. For me, I'm feeling all alone now, and for her it's possible she cheated on me and found someone else. So she won't feel alone still.
Author River Rain Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 I'm slowly feeling that too.. that I was scared of being alone.. I wanted someone in my life. So I found my ex and entered her life. And heck I changed her life for the better, I know that and she always told me that... but at some point I stopped doing all the little things I did... she did them more. I guess I just liked being in a relationship and having someone. And just knowing I wasn't alone in this world anymore. And, sure I have family, friends and all, but being in a relationship is different. I guess I got into it for some what of the wrong reasons. She wanted the same thing though, just wanting someone to love her and be with her. I guess we kinda feel apart after and well... things don't look good. For me, I'm feeling all alone now, and for her it's possible she cheated on me and found someone else. So she won't feel alone still. Matters of the heart are confusing for me, I'm a sensitive girl. I take everything at face value. If he says he loves me, I believe him. If he says I'm his soul mate then I believe him. If he says he wants to spend the rest of his days by my side, why wouldn't I believe him? All of his romantic smooth talk got me completely hooked on him. Or the idea of us together I suppose. I liked having someone too. I'd been alone for the last 18 years, long time, and having a man pay such special attention to me again, it opened up my desire to have a boyfriend, and I guess my fear of being alone. When he told me he loved me on day 5 of us getting to know each other..(I know...big red flag)...I said I love you back because I felt a little pressure, fearing if I didn't, he'd go away. Bad move. It set precedent for allowing him to walk all over me. As for your ex finding someone else...I know how badly that can hurt. I always suspected he was back with his ex and the thought of it was distressing. But you can't change people right? I hope you can get over her soon, it's not good to feel that heartache. I felt it for three weeks straight, and that was far too long to have wasted my time. I refuse to settle anymore, and I know I'll have bad days, but there will be more good days, that's my choice now.
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