noaamore Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 My ex-gf broke up with me just over a year ago, she then went NC on me, and started dating this dude whom was our common friend. We used to have arguments about her being too close to him, which really just pissed me right off. And recently, she started message me again online, confessing to me that she is currently dating him, but still wants to be friend with me, and made it quite clear that she JUST wants to be friends, and we're in different countries. It's not about whether she's dating someone, but that someone of her is someone I hate deep in my heart. And just can't believe she left me for him, and now wants me back as a friend, just sounds ridiculous. I've also thought about the what if questions... but I know it will just hurt me more down the road.. Right now I've decided on NC, and told her that I can't be her friend. But really, what is she thinking and what should I do?
Hobbit Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Flat out say no to her and go NC again, she broke it off with you and is trying to make herself feel better for breaking your heart 3
Author noaamore Posted October 2, 2012 Author Posted October 2, 2012 Decided to NC her forever, today is day 2. She wants me to be her best friend, but where was my best friend when I needed her!!? 3
Tiera D Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 thats why i never be buddies with girls im not interested in..i just dont have the mind to attend such things,agree with gibson totally TD
thembones Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 I agree what what you said, about how she was not there for you when you needed her, why should you care now? I am steering my canoe to meet your boat shortly, as if she does ever need me, I won't be there. I told that she could contact me if she needed something, but now I am regretting ever saying it because I know it will come back to me. The crazy things you say out of love. She was your GF, never your Best Friend! That is ridiculous. Your GF/Wife/BF is supposed to be your best friend! They know more about you that your "other" best friends do. That is the way it should be. You should be able to confide and put your complete trust into them. I had my GF as my best friend, and a male friend as my best friend. It is in different contexts. 2
outsider11 Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 continue nc. I'm not telling this as a punishment for your ex. what she has done has been her choice. I'm telling this because you won't be going to stand this "just be friends" relationship, and you'll hurt yourself. after a while you may feel you're becoming attach to her after a that you'll feel you need her badly when you're upset after that you feel deeply alone when you have no contact or phone call for more than two days after that you want her only to be yours or else you cant live. I assume you are an interesting human being , of those guys who can't be found around too much and she knows that so she wants to have you too. distance relationships has too much difficulties specially for girls. if you were living near maybe she made a different choice. but at the other hand she needs to understand you have a value and she can't have everybody she wants (its not something you teach her you just live your life and forget her). so you're doing a good job. do not break nc . if she called again and if you still love her go straight and tell her straight that in what situation you can accept the relationship. and if not just tell her to try to forget you.
salem mark Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Decided to NC her forever, today is day 2. She wants me to be her best friend, but where was my best friend when I needed her!!? forget her move on, move forward with your life, life is a gift its what u make it, there will be others 2
Author noaamore Posted October 7, 2012 Author Posted October 7, 2012 OMG, she started talking to me again over Skype, and acts like nothing had happened after last Sunday's incident... I don't have a hope that we'd be back together, and I kind of wanna know how this is going to play out... She asked me if I'd like to join her with her friends on Boxing day, I'm flying back as my folks are there, not becos of her. Let's see, I will keep you guys posted.
TaraMaiden Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 OhJeezuzkerrist, here we go again...... Why do men keep falling for this breadcrumb bait? I'm beginning to think guys more and more guys need a dignity implant - or a new spine... So many threads currently.... OP-Guy: "Help guys!! She contacted me!! What do I do - ?!?" All responses, unanimously: "Go No Contact and Ignore!!" OP-Guy: "Ok, Thanks, guys, great idea!" Next OP-Guy post: " I'm in almost daily touch with her right now.....and I can't make out WTF she wants....!" 4
Tiera D Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 what happened to NC forever OP? you will never heal unless you embrace NC ,dont say u dont intend to get back with her you know its a lie to urself,and your next sentence in that post contradicts you "I just want to see how things will play out" People who truely doesnt want to have anything to do with an ex will not want to see how things will play out,read what you wrote in just 3 posts the strong NC attitude to this TD 1
Author noaamore Posted October 19, 2012 Author Posted October 19, 2012 Yah... I know, this **** is ruinn me apart, maybe I should un-install my Skype. What are girls thinking, they dump their BF, go out with someone that ruined their relationship, comes back while they are still together, and says hey.. I still think you're a great guy, let's be friends. What the **** is this, who does that!!?
LeGenDary_Man Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 Yah... I know, this **** is ruinn me apart, maybe I should un-install my Skype. Get some grip. It isn't difficult to block an individual on Skype. Here: https://support.skype.com/en/faq/FA10488/how-do-i-block-or-report-a-contact Why did you chat with her anyways? She has hurt you before, so no need to give her attention. She is not worth your time. What are girls thinking, they dump their BF, go out with someone that ruined their relationship, comes back while they are still together, and says hey.. I still think you're a great guy, let's be friends. What the **** is this, who does that!!? If she attempts to have conversation with you through any means; politely refuse. Be strong and move on.
olivec Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 Yah... I know, this **** is ruinn me apart, maybe I should un-install my Skype. What are girls thinking, they dump their BF, go out with someone that ruined their relationship, comes back while they are still together, and says hey.. I still think you're a great guy, let's be friends. What the **** is this, who does that!!? You gotta keep NC PERIOD MAN. Shes trying use you and your falling for it. You dont need her. Find another woman who wants you all the way instead of using you as a fall back guy. 1
EgoJoe Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 OhJeezuzkerrist, here we go again...... Why do men keep falling for this breadcrumb bait? I'm beginning to think guys more and more guys need a dignity implant - or a new spine... So many threads currently.... OP-Guy: "Help guys!! She contacted me!! What do I do - ?!?" All responses, unanimously: "Go No Contact and Ignore!!" OP-Guy: "Ok, Thanks, guys, great idea!" Next OP-Guy post: " I'm in almost daily touch with her right now.....and I can't make out WTF she wants....!" I blame Women in pop-culture and their attempt at brainwashing everybody...
Author noaamore Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 I don't need her.... and it's sad that, I've no friends to hang out with... sigh..
immitable Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 (edited) You should see this as good news, if you play it right, that is. It all depends how we see the truth, I see this as she values you and is trying to rationalize why she left you. If you jump the wagon too soon she is going to think that she can have you anytime and therefore probably end up dumping you again. What you 2 shared was special and her contact is a proof of that. But remember we as humans tend to value things that are rare more (the diamond principle). I would stay in touch with her but on my own terms and see what happens. i would not start talk about the bu and why at all. Pretend it didn't happen the way it did - and forgive her in your mind--(very important, this sets you free). Claim the more power, you can, back and just go with the flow not your heart. Cheers! Edited October 21, 2012 by immitable
LeGenDary_Man Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 (edited) I don't need her.... and it's sad that, I've no friends to hang out with... sigh.. You need to socialize more then you currently do. Simple. You should see this as good news, if you play it right, that is. It all depends how we see the truth, I see this as she values you and is trying to rationalize why she left you. If you jump the wagon too soon she is going to think that she can have you anytime and therefore probably end up dumping you again. What you 2 shared was special and her contact is a proof of that. But remember we as humans tend to value things that are rare more (the diamond principle). I would stay in touch with her but on my own terms and see what happens. i would not start talk about the bu and why at all. Pretend it didn't happen the way it did - and forgive her in your mind--(very important, this sets you free). Claim the more power, you can, back and just go with the flow not your heart. Cheers! What if her intentions are 'friendzone' type? She dumped OP for their 'common friend' and she is still dating the other guy, as per disclosure by OP. Your advice is rather ill-adviced. I don't think that it is wise for OP to get in touch with her now. Not unless she stops dating the other guy and take steps to make things work with OP. Even then, OP should not be 'easily available' to her and any contact should be on his terms. But OP should rather significantly broaden his options by socializing more then he currently does and this will uplift his confidence and will improve his chances for meeting the 'right one' someday. Edited October 21, 2012 by LeGenDary_Man
Author noaamore Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 Let's work on this together, I think she wants to hang out on Xmas, I haven't seen her in a year... and the sad thing is, I don't have any friends to hang out with, sigh.....
Author noaamore Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 You should see this as good news, if you play it right, that is. It all depends how we see the truth, I see this as she values you and is trying to rationalize why she left you. If you jump the wagon too soon she is going to think that she can have you anytime and therefore probably end up dumping you again. What you 2 shared was special and her contact is a proof of that. But remember we as humans tend to value things that are rare more (the diamond principle). I would stay in touch with her but on my own terms and see what happens. i would not start talk about the bu and why at all. Pretend it didn't happen the way it did - and forgive her in your mind--(very important, this sets you free). Claim the more power, you can, back and just go with the flow not your heart. Cheers! Yes, that's exactly what I am trying to achieve, and I know she's started talking to me by message on Skype (somethings by calls) is because her BF is away... and she confesses to me that they are dating, didn't wanna hide it from me, but still like to remain friends with me, cos we do have a similar personal situation within our own families, so we do share that part. What I found is... if I talk to her to eagerly or call her, she tend to get pissed off, cos I am guessing, she wants the line (SKYPE) open, in case her BF calls, and don't want him to suspect why she's talking with someone else. It is partly my fault as well, cos I get sucked in, and wants to talk to her whenever I wanted to share my feelings, like I said, I don't have other friends (cos I am in a new place), and she's only one I could talk to.
Author noaamore Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 One thing I don't understand is... When she wants to buy a Father's Day gift, she asked me for advice on which shaver to buy for him. When she wants to buy a new 2nd hand car, she asked me to find one for her. All these were done online, cos we are in different countries. Then what the ****, is her BF for??? What are girls thinking when they ask favours from their EX?
TaraMaiden Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 You need to stop asking questions. You know why? Because we can't answer them. What's more - neither can she. Please - PLEASE!! - please. Fer kerrisakes, read the "All-New Caliguy No Contact Guide" link in my signature. The reason they keep contacting you is to reassure themselves that they're nice people, so the contact is to make themselves feel better - not you. They do it to reassure themselves that you can be their friend, so, they can't possibly have done anything wrong if you're still willing and available to be a buddy... so they keep you dangling on a string and playing yo-yo with you and you and your emotions.... The "why do they do this?" - doesn't matter. The "What do I do now?" is what matters. And what you do - is to go, and maintain, and insist, and establish complete, total No Contact.
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