Tara247 Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 he gave me his explanation for his behaviour. Ozzie, of course he did, he doesn't want you to tell his wife. Are you that gullible?
Author ozziegal8 Posted November 6, 2012 Author Posted November 6, 2012 this is what he wrote; the truth is i have a lot of work and home stresses at the moment and im worried about a lot of things im hardly sleeping. ive lost a lot of money through work and i dont know what to do and its hard to talk about it. but that is no excuse for poor behaviour.
Saba Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 this is what he wrote; the truth is i have a lot of work and home stresses at the moment and im worried about a lot of things im hardly sleeping. ive lost a lot of money through work and i dont know what to do and its hard to talk about it. but that is no excuse for poor behaviour. Do you want a relationship with someone who turns away from you rather than turning towards you when times are tough? If you don't talk to each other about the important stuff this relationship will be very shallow. It also leaves you trying to analyze his actions because he is not forthcoming with the details of his life. Wouldn't you be happier without him? You keep asking - what did I do wrong? I want you to answer the question in regards to his relationship with you -what is he doing right? 2
Author ozziegal8 Posted November 6, 2012 Author Posted November 6, 2012 this is soooo true, him not talking to me has made me feel like a loony i have been analysing everything and thinking its me.
snowflakes88 Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Um, it IS you. He's giving you that fake "explanation" now because you threatened to tell his wife. And you're eating it up. Geez. Do you really think you can't do any better than someone else's husband? Who ignores you until you scare him into responding, no less? 1
porcelainprincess Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 I think that you should pay attention to what everyone has taken the time to post here for you. There are very wise individuals in this forum who have stood in your exact shoes, seen through your eyes, and felt your pain. Don't take their advice for granted. Also you are here for a reason. Deep down, you are not getting your needs met in this "relationship" and I urge you to do some soul-searching. I also know for a fact eventually someone will say something here to you that will hit home.... I just pray you don't ignore it 1
Author ozziegal8 Posted November 9, 2012 Author Posted November 9, 2012 he called today wants to see me i was a bit ill as had hangover from the races again yesterday he was there but i didnt contact him. he also too busy today so wants to do it monday to explain stuff?
dhcp Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 he called today wants to see me i was a bit ill as had hangover from the races again yesterday he was there but i didnt contact him. he also too busy today so wants to do it monday to explain stuff? Some more advice that I'm bringing you from dark places: If he is checking in with you during weekends you are away with friends or after big nights at the pub, he is checking to see if you hooked up with someone or to see if you are still "his" to an extent. Affairs always end messy and maybe he is starting to see it. I think a guy has the realization that he doesn't want this to blow up his marriage so he has to somehow "fade" out the affair in a way that the OW isn't going to freak out an call him out on it to his wife. You may have to just accept that this was a fun little foray but that it needs to end while it can still end with a minimum of fuss. Give him notice that you don't think this should go on any longer without his wife knowing and that should get him to cool immediately and you can all just walk away. No judgements. 1
Tara247 Posted November 10, 2012 Posted November 10, 2012 he called today wants to see me i was a bit ill as had hangover from the races again yesterday he was there but i didnt contact him. he also too busy today so wants to do it monday to explain stuff? His "explanation" on Monday will be nothing more than a snowjob in order to keep you from telling his wife. 1
Author ozziegal8 Posted November 15, 2012 Author Posted November 15, 2012 ok guy's we finally caught up yesterday its over.
Tara247 Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 ok guy's we finally caught up yesterday its over. Ozziegal, I'm sorry you're hurting, but he's not worth it. You know that. I told you what was the likely outcome when he started avoiding you. Cry if you need to. Get over it, and go out and start living a new life.
Author ozziegal8 Posted November 17, 2012 Author Posted November 17, 2012 so we caught up, met for coffee, he tried to chat about other stuff. i said im not here for that, i want to know whats going on and what you have to explina to me and this time i dont want a i dont know for an answer as thats crap. he started going on about what happened at the races and why he didnt meet up cos of his mates dragging him around he said he was going to come meet me but mates dragged him elsewhere i just said that doesnt matter anymore everything had built up you ignored my text didnt call and i went off at you cos of your behaivour, why have you just backed off. he said the texts i sent him really hit home. i have also taught him a lot of speaking about your feelings as he has issues with that and maybe this is all his fault with his wife. he said he doesnt know whats going on with him he feel empty inside. he has no time with work, family and then to see me. he has lost a lot of money with his business and maybe he should sell business and work for someone so he has more time. i thought he would cry he kept going on how empty he felt inside. he said when he met me he was so happy over the moon couldnt believe he could have met a girl like me he had a spring in his step. im very attracted to you even when you walked in today i couldnt believe you would go for me. i said you were texting me constantly to get attention as you had none at home he agreed. he then tells me at the start of the year him and wifey didnt say one word to each other it was bad and he was going to leave but didnt. hmmm not sure why he didnt he reckons she resents him? she goes out to family stuff gets drunk and wants to stay when he leaves or walk home on her own then comes out with 'well you go and get drunk with your mates' he then say's maybe this is all his fault and he needs to try more with her and he see's his son and he feels bad and could never leave him and upset him. he said work full on so he cant give her time but i must say he comes home early to pick up kid cooks dinner etc. he said in the past few weeks they have talked a bit more i asked how he said well we take dog for walk with my son and we talk about the weather??? hmm but at least thats an improvement on what it was. he cant remember the last time they had sex, he tries and say's lets have fun she say's it maybe fun for you but no me and then say's she has woman issue's. he also repeated the story about being made to come over the side of the bed. he has done this for 12 years. he say's 'lisa, i was never confident at all before i met my wife in the bedroom or even with woman. she has no interests he say's apart from the kid. he felt awful sleeping with me even thought he loved it he said he wasnt ready hmmm thats weird cos he was the one that pushed for it. he said he still really attracted to me but cant do this with me.i asked if he into me he said 'no i cant be in my situation' i said thats fine cos i dont want it either after whats happened. he still wanted to do coffee's etc but i said no i cant see you anymore you have hurt me and i liked you so i have to look after myself. and you will not fix your marriage if you still seeing me so i said its best he doesnt contact me. i asked why he stopped contacting whilst i was away he said 'i dont know you went and i slipped back into my old life' he said if single he would love to do all the normal stuff with me but he cant. he said maybe he needs to take family out for dinner more etc? its her b'day this weekend and he was regretting it as she would get drunk and be resentful towards him. i asked if he loved her, he said he did not the same as when they met but...he still does. does his marriage sound happy?
Sauron Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 Sorry that your situation turned out so bad. This is not directed at the OP in anyway, however I noticed a theme in the last few pages where the MM is only using the OW for sex. This is actually quite popular theme in this part of the site. I would like to point out that it takes 2 people to have sex and while each party may have a differing agenda, they both hopefully get something from the sex. Perhaps the OW is using the MM for sex with no committment, or she just wants to get laid, or she doesn't want to have to go through multiple singles to find one she can sleep with safely, it works both ways, so all the hating on the MM using the OW for sex just doesn't hold water as an argument. I would think both are consenting adults and both have a sexual experience. This is especially true where the OW knows the MM is married. 1
Author ozziegal8 Posted November 17, 2012 Author Posted November 17, 2012 thanks sauron but this isnt helping me lol i just dont get the whole thing...
ComingInHot Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 My husband told his OW that I went out and got drunk all the time. I don't go out and I don't get drunk. He said that to make me appear as a poor wife and mother. I still don't get why she "bought" it. She saw how hard I worked and how all my time was spent outside of work was trying to please my husband and care for our children and home...
whichwayisup Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 thanks sauron but this isnt helping me lol i just dont get the whole thing... And don't try to figure it out and 'get it'. I think he's spun greatly exaggerated truths to suit him in the best light. Bottom line is, if he truly was that unhappy in his marriage, he'd divorce. People who want a divorce, do so. He is still getting something out of it, that dynamic they share is not healthy that is, if he what he says is even close to the truth, there's still a reason why he's wanting to be married and still make an effort with his wife. You're only hearing ONE side of things so don't believe every single thing he tells you. Anyway, you're hurting and that's to be expected after a loss and a break up like this, but you will be okay once you've had time to grieve the loss. 2
alexandria35 Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 Okay, not sure why so much of that break up conversation included picking apart his wife but hearing him say the things he said about her should have helped you see what a pathetic loser he is. I doubt she's anywhere near as awful as he makes her sound but his little stories sure make him sound like a sad little victim doesn't it? "Oh waah waah, my wife is a cold unfeeling uncommunicative drunk who won't have sex with me. You in comparison are so much better than her and you make me so much happier, but I have to stay married to this heartless b*tch who I have been deceiving and cheating, because I am a selfless, good and noble man" LOL LOL Just stay away from him and bullcrap stories and get on with our life. 6
Author ozziegal8 Posted November 19, 2012 Author Posted November 19, 2012 so why did he decide to stay? one minute he doesnt love her the next he does. he is blaming himself now for his messed up marriage reckons he works too much etc. and why did he just ignore for weeks before our talk?
whichwayisup Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 so why did he decide to stay? one minute he doesnt love her the next he does. he is blaming himself now for his messed up marriage reckons he works too much etc. and why did he just ignore for weeks before our talk? Oh ozzie...Don't try to figure that out, you'll never know. He has his own reasons and as much as you want to know, he isn't going to tell you. Like it or not, he has every right to decide to go back to his marriage. Affairs are not forever. Many end. Some continue on, and some marriages end and those affairs become out in the open relationships that lead to marriage. In your situation though, I really hope you focus on yourself and getting over him so you can heal and feel good again. Your life has been wrapped up in him, his desires, his life, what he thinks/feels/does. What about you? You can't control anything he does or doesn't do, you can only control yourself. 2
Henni Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 so why did he decide to stay? one minute he doesnt love her the next he does. Because he loves her, probably, but they have problems. he is blaming himself now for his messed up marriage reckons he works too much etc. Sounds like he's trying to balls up and take responsibility for their problems. and why did he just ignore for weeks before our talk? Because you are not a priority for him. His marriage is a higher priority. He wants to end the A, and realised the only way to do that was to try to give you some closure by explaining that it's not about you. It's about him and his wife.
Author ozziegal8 Posted November 20, 2012 Author Posted November 20, 2012 i am sad i am trying to not to think about it, its getting more of a blur now, i just wonder why he instigated this then decided to go back?
dreamingoftigers Posted November 20, 2012 Posted November 20, 2012 I've seen most OW be left utterly confused by MM's actions. That's because 99% of the time they don't make much sense to begin with. That's why he's having an affair instead of dealing with or leaving his marriage. You were an escape, like a "marriage vacation." 1
Author ozziegal8 Posted November 21, 2012 Author Posted November 21, 2012 im getting there but i go to bed and think about him and then when i wake. i think about the time's when it was good and how nice he was i wonder if he is happy now and getting things back on track with his wife and if they are having sex again? i do find it weird that he went all of sudden hot & cold and then came up with up with all these excuses.
snowflakes88 Posted November 21, 2012 Posted November 21, 2012 He probably never stopped having sex with his wife. 2
Author ozziegal8 Posted November 29, 2012 Author Posted November 29, 2012 (edited) hmmm i do find it very weird how he got so hot n cold so quickly even my mates commented on how full on he was, it was like he was hit in the head i dont know how he could tell me so many times he wasnt in love with with then our last meet he said he was? there was signs from the start which i was too stupid to notice that he would never leave even when he was nice. our 2nd date he was feeling really guilty even picking me up from home; he said he couldnt do too many nights before she got suss; when i asked the first time about what was going on with us he said he would leave but then he said 'if it gets too much'... one night out for us he went home at 3am even though his son was not at home (this is the reason he said he was staying); one day his son rang whilst we were in bed he was crapping himself always went home on time Edited November 29, 2012 by ozziegal8
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