ReadMyThread Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 It's very long but VERY interesting. READ and realize how a heart can get broken. Look at is as if it were a book for you readers out there. I also need help at the end so please help. If you don't want to read everything that happened and just want to help me then go to the bottom section. Thanks. [The Relationship] She is 18 (she turns 19 October 25th) and I am 19. We were together for 9 months. We fell in love in the 2nd or 3rd month of being together. Our relationship was amazing! I have never been so attached to someone in my entire life. We seriously loved each other. She is my first TRUE love. This was also my longest relationship with a girl. Her longest relationship was 3 years or so I don't know something around that. I've been with other girls before her but it was nothing compared to this. We loved each other DEEPLY. She was my EVERYTHING. We would talk ALL DAY EVERYDAY. Texting each other all day long back and forth. And we would see each other EVERYDAY. We loved being together and talking and spending time together. We wanted to spend as much time as we could together so we would. We trusted each other 100% and we always would talk about future plans together. Stupid I know, she is 18 but I was so in LOOOOVE with her that it was all seeming meant to be. lol. We planned that we would be together forever. Promised each other that we would NEVER leave each other NO MATTER WHAT! We said we would marry each other, we were going to live together, and even have a daughter named Aria. SHE was the one who would always bring up the future plans and thought of the baby name. NOT me. I remember one day, while we were driving, she asked, "Are we going to have a big house when we live together?" I told her yes. I also remember one night, we were laying in bed together and she grabs my laptop and starts looking up wedding dresses out of nowhere and asking which ones I liked lol. She would always bring up the future plans. She was "THE ONE" for me. I was 100% SERIOUS I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this girl. No other girl. HER! I wouldn't even think about being with another girl. I treated her like every girl deserves to be treated. I NEVER lied to her, still would never. I would always show her I love her, surprising her with flowers time to time, going out of my way doing things to show I love her. I would tell her I love her EVERYDAY. I called her beautiful at least once EVERYDAY. Usually right before she would go to sleep. "I love you _____. Sweet dreams beautiful." I would tell her. EVERY NIGHT before she would go to sleep. If it wasn't then, then it was when I was with her or when she would send me a picture of her to my phone. Our connection was STRONG. She has been in love before but I specifically remember one day we were at Charcoal Grill having dinner and I simply asked her, I said, "_____, have you ever been in love with someone the way we are in love and have you ever felt the way you feel towards me to any guy before?" She told me no. Then she wrote A WHOLE BUNCH of things on her napkin about how much she loves me and what she loves about me and how she wants to be with me forever. This was like 6 months into the relationship. She gave it to me and told me to keep it forever. So I put it in my wallet. I remember that day like it was yesterday. I also remember like a month after she wrote those things and gave me that napkin, I lost my wallet, and the first thing she asked was, "Was the napkin in there!? You lost the napkin!?". But then I found my wallet days later and she was happy. I still have the napkin. When we got together, Valentines day happened within like the 2nd month of us dating so I wanted to get her something. I got her a $100 heart necklace (nothing big) and she would wear it EVERYDAY from then. She would never take it off. She always had it on. I thought we would be forever... [incident #1 Occurred] 8 months into the relationship. She left town for a 3 day vacation with her family. It was for the weekend. Thursday to Sunday I believe, maybe Saturday. Well the day she came back she came to my house in the morning. We were so excited to see each other because we missed each other of course and we wouldn't go a day without seeing each other so it was great at first. When she first seen me I kissed her and we were hugging after the kiss, she said "I missed you" then she started to suck my neck. She only did it for 2 SECONDS. IF THAT! And there it was............what I feel ruined everything we had and our relationship..............A hickey. After she did that I was walking towards the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth because I had just woken up and she FREAKS. "Who gave you that hickey on your neck!?" I said "What hickey!!?" She said "the one on your neck". I went to look in the mirror in the bathroom and of course, there was a hickey there. I came out and said, "You just did. It is even still wet. It is in the spot where you just did that." She then said, "I only did it for like 2 seconds." I said, "I know. I don't know how you left one." I was sooooooooooooooooooooo pissed off. VERY mad. I had no control over this and I knew she wouldn't believe me. We sat at my kitchen table and I told her, "No matter what I say or do, you aren't going to believe me." I was soooooo mad. I kept saying that in anger. "No matter what I say or do, you aren't going to believe me.". There was nothing I could do. I promised her on my dead sister's grave who just died 1 month before we started dating that it was from her. I have never promised anything on that so I don't know how she took it but we got through it and still spent the day together. SHE GAVE ME THAT HICKEY! I would NEVER cheat on her or even think about being with someone else while with her. I was 100% faithful to this girl. She was the one for me and I would NEVER do anything to ruin it. I told her all the time I would never cheat on her. Well that same day we were at her house and we were watching Jerry Springer lol. The episode was talking about having 3 sums. Then I asked like a F****** IDIOT! I said, "______, would you ever have a 3 sum with me?" She said "Yeah." She said she would be up for having it either way, 2 guys or 2 girls. She said if it would be 2 girls, she would have the girl eat her out while she would suck my d***. Then of course.................she said it................If it was 2 guys she would have me f*** her from behind while she would be sucking the other guy's d***. OH MY GOD!!!! THE PAIN I FELT WHEN SHE SAID THAT WAS BEYOND HURTFUL! I REGRET ASKING THAT AND WILL NEVER ASK A GIRL I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS EVER AGAIN! EVER! DO NOT ASK A GIRL YOU LOVE THIS! PLEASE!!! I said, "what in the hell would make you think I would want to see you sucking another guy's d***?" She said, "because it would turn you on" and then laughed about it. I said, "No, it wouldn't". Then she dozed off to sleep while we sat there right after she said that and I just began crying as she was sleeping next to me. I thought to myself, "why did she say that?". "Why did I just ask that?" It REALLY hurt because I KNOW she doesn't like sucking d***, She would hardly do it for me and she would say it is nasty so I also thought to myself, "If she doesn't like sucking d*** and doesn't do it for me, why would she do it to some random guy or whoever it would may be?". "Am I not good enough for her?" Things like that. I love her and I didn't EVER want to share her or see her with anyone else which is why this hurt so bad. She then woke up and seen I was crying and she freaked, "what's wrong?" she asked. I said nothing because I didn't want to talk about it. And she said, "Yeah there is you are crying." I told her, "I don't feel like I am good enough for you." She began crying and said the same. That she doesn't feel good enough for me as well. I didn't feel good enough for her because of the 3 sum talk we just had and she said that she was just joking about it all. I told her it still hurt. Then she said she didn't feel good enough for me because of the hickey incident that happened that morning. I then told her again the hickey was from her. We sat and cried and held each other and eventually talked everything out and we were still together after all this. NOW REMEMBER INCIDENT #1 AND KEEP IT IN MIND!!! [incident #2] Again, 8 months into the relationship, like 2 days after incident #1. This day I had to work at 11AM. I work at a restaurant as a cook. I woke up at 10:30AM and left to work. Everything was going good you know. We were texting each other like we usually do. Good morning. How are you? What are you doing? All that. Cute stuff too. I love you yada yada. She didn't have a job at the time and it was summer so she didn't have school so she would just be at home all day while I was at work. I wouldn't be gettting out of work at 9:30PM. 11AM to 9:30PM I had to work. But around 1:30PM I asked her, I said "Hey baby, if I leave here at 7:30PM (I could leave whenever I wanted really) can I come see you after work?" She said, "I don't think so" I said, "okay." I didn't ask her why or nothing just said okay and just kept talking to her as we usually would all day long. Then came like 3:30PM or so and I asked her, "What are you doing tonight?". She told she was going to go to her grandma's house and watch TV. So then I said, "well if you are going to your grandma's to watch TV why can't I come see you at 7:30PM? I want to see you." because I would always go to see her at her grandma's. And she says, "I don't know my head hurts, I'm just going to go home and go to sleep." I said "Why don't you want to see me?" She got all defensive right there. She said, "Do you not believe me?" So I'm freaking, I called her at 4:30PM and told her I loved her and she then said she was going to go home and sleep. I told her on the phone that I was going to go home at 7:30PM, she then said "Why? Why don't you stay until 9:30PM and make more money?" (because I was saving money for a car) I said no I want to go home I don't want to be here anymore. She then said, "okay, well I'm going to go home and go to sleep because my head hurts." we said I love you and that was the end of the call. THAT WAS AT 4:30PM!!! So I went home at 7:30PM I haven't heard from her ever since. We have NEVER gone that long without texting each other and I KNOW she wasn't sleeping for that long. So I got home at 7:30PM and was getting ready to cut my hair. Before I did so I texted her, I said, "wow you must have been really tired. lol." Then I began cutting my hair. THEN IT HIT ME! I was like wait, she NEVER sleeps this long and we NEVER go this long without talking. I dropped my clippers mid-cutting my hair and RUSHED out of my house. I SPED to her house and of course...........She isn't there. I called her when I got to her house. She didn't answer. I called her 4 times. The first 3 calls she didn't answer and the 4th time she did. When she answered, I heard her do the thing where you tell people to be quiet in the background before you answer the phone. She answered it too soon and I heard her tell someone be quiet. I said, "hey, what are you doing? She said sleeping you just woke me up." Then I hear a guy in the background. I said, "who is that is the background? I just heard a guy's voice!?" She said it was a motorcycle driving past her house. I was at her house, there was no motorcycle. I said "come outside. Please come outside I NEED to see you." She told me she couldn't because her parents were still sleeping. I BEGGED her to come outside and she kept saying her parents were sleeping. She then said "let me go see if they are still awake and I will call you back." THE WAY SHE SOUNDED ON THE PHONE I HAVE NEVER HEARD BEFORE. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THIS PERSON ON THE PHONE RIGHT NOW. SHE WAS TALKING TO ME LIKE I WAS INTERRUPTING HER AND SHE HATED ME! We hung up and she texted me saying, "What is going on!?" I didn't respond and 10 minutes after I that she pulls up to her driveway. I was hiding in the trees and I called her as she was pulling in the driveway and she answered and stayed in the car as we talked, I said "where are you?" She said, "at home" She then told me that she would come outside now now that her parents are sleeping. So we hung up and as she was walking up to her house I called her name, "______!" she then seen me and got so mad. I said, "Where were you? and who were you with!? She got SO DEFENSIVE. She said, "why are you here, do you not trust me!?" She then said "NO MATTER WHAT I DO OR SAY, YOU WON'T BELIEVE ME!" (Remember from incident #1? That's what I told her) She THREW that in my face and said it with a snotty ass attitude and face and made it clear that she was only saying that because I did because of the hickey situation. I then said, "you going to throw that in my face? That hickey was form you!" She then tells me that she was at the mall with her sister and her sister friend which is a girl. I told her I heard a guys voice on the phone. She said that was her sister. I told her the mall closes at 9:00PM. It was 9:30 when she got home. She said they sat in the parking lot mixing drinks and that she took them to a party afterwords before she came home. I then said, prove it, call you sister or call your sister's friend and let them tell me. She said her sister's phone was disconnected and told me her sister's friend doesn't have a phone. I sat there in front of her and CRIED and CRIED and CRIED asking why she didn't tell me about this. And she said that she didn't want me to get mad that she wanted to spend time with them and not me. She began crying and looked me dad in my eyes and said, "David I love you more than anything." I just cried and cried. We sat and talked for about 2 hours as I cried and asking her why she did this and everything. I didn't break up with her. I loved her but yet didn't believe her. After we sat for like 2 hours and me crying my eyes out in front of her she went inside and I left to go home. I drove home crying and rushed home because I had a plan. I went home, went on Facebook and looked up her sister's number on her sister's profile so I went to call it and ofcourse........it's ringing. My ex said it was disconnected though right? Nah. She answered and I said, "Hey this is David, ______'s boyfriend. Were you just at the mall with her?" She said "no I haven't talked to her in like 3 days. Sorry." I then hung up and called my ex. She answered and I told her, "_____ I just called your sister and she said she wasn't at the mall with you. TELL me who you were with RIGHT NOW!?" she then finally decides to tell me she was with another guy. I said "who is he!?" She said "What, are you going to go look him up on Facebook too?" She said, "I was with Cody okay?" I hung up and didn't talk to her. She texted me and said, "People lie to protect the ones they love" I texted her saying like, "You know I knew I wasn't good enough for you but tonight proved it." and there was more that I can't remember. OH....MY............GOD.......The tears, the pain, the feeling I was feeling right then was all Un-explainable. She lied straight to my face. When I was sitting in front of her crying and crying she lied straight to my face. Sleep was not an option. Although my ex could sleep just fine when she told me she wasn't going to go to sleep now that that happened. Bulls***. I stayed up all night crying. She then tried calling me in the morning I didn't answer. She tried texting I didn't answer. She then came over at like 10:30AM the next morning and was in tears! Saying she regrets even going to the mall with him and that nothing happened, she didn't even touch him she says and that she wishes she just have never did what she did. She said I could call him and ask him if anything happened. She said she told her mom everything and regretted it all. She said all they did was go to the mall and bought some ugly shoes. UGLY SHOES!!!! REMEMBER THAT!!! I still never broke up with her. Stupid I know. But I love her. She was "The One". We stayed together and then she began to act like it never happened. She left at like 11AM because she had to take her sister's to six flags. I had to work that day and she wanted me to call into work and come with her to six flags instead but I didn't because I didn't get no sleep and I had to get sleep before work. So now I could actually go to sleep knowing nothing happened and now I wake up at 3PM and went to work. We were texting but it was just weird. I didn't look at her the same. I didn't trust her. I didn't know her. She now became my distant girlfriend. She didn't want to come over that night so I didn't make her. I told her that I can't act like this just didn't happened, we need to talk. No fighting, no crying, just talk. She agreed. I told her I couldn't trust her fully anymore. She said she doesn't want to be in a relationship If I can't trust her. I started crying. I felt like she was going to leave me right there and then. I didn't want to lose her EVER! I told her I still trusted her just not fully because I was scared she'd leave me. 2 DAYS AFTER THIS HAPPENED, 2 DAYS AFTER I CAUGHT HER HANGING OUT WITH CODY BEHIND MY BACK I was at work and I get a text, "David, can I got to lunch with.................." WHO DO YOU THINK!? Yeah. Cody. I FREAKKKKKK!!!!! not to her. But I freaked at work. I text her back and said, "Yes you can but promise me nothing will happen ______, promise me!" She promised me nothing would happen and she did go to lunch with him. I called her when she was at lunch with him and she was really with him and really at lunch. Like I said I FREAAKED at work. I freaked so much that my manager sent me home. He said, "I know something is wrong, go home and come back at 4:00PM." So I was like YES! I can go see if they are REALLY at lunch and not doing anything. I RUSHED to Wendy's because that's where she said they were going and before I got there I got a text from her saying she was going to her Grandma's so I started heading there instead. I got there and she looked at me like "Why the hell is he here?" The look she had on her face was a face I have never seen. I spent 3 hours there until I had to go back to work and she was A WHOLE DIFFERENT PERSON. The way she acted around me was not her. I didn't even know her. So I asked how her lunch with Cody went and asked what they talked about and she told me everything. Apparently Cody has a girlfriend and is happy and he is going to be moving in with her soon. For the whole time I spent with her before I had to go to work, I was pretty much ignored the whole time. She would talk with her grandma for like 2 hours while I just sat there looking stupid. We did talk though. I told her that I didn't even think about what she did anymore now it was me thinking I was going to lose her. My heart was racing and she felt it and she said, "why is your heart beating so fast?" I said, "because I feel I am losing you." She said "you feel like you are losing me to him don't you?" I said, "yes, All he has to do is say something nice and kiss you and that would be it." She then said, "so your saying I'm easy? Easy to get?" "I said, "No I just don't know what would happen if he were to kiss you. Would you stop or would you keep going." She said she would stop it. She then looked me in my eyes and said. "David, I PROMISE you you aren't losing me to Cody." Made me feel alittle better I guess. Then it came time for me to go back to work and I gave her a hug and gave her a kiss. I went to work and we were texting like usual. I texted her and said, "_______ we are going to be together forever right?" she said yes. Then the night came and she was suppose to come over but she kept hinting that she was very tired. Hinting she didn't want to come over. She sent about 3 texts saying she was very tired before she actually asked if she could just stay home tonight and not see me. I left work and rushed to her house. Once again lol. I got there and begger her to come outside and she did and she did come over that night. I CRIED the WHOLE way to my house and the WHOLE time she was at my house. She said "why are you crying?" I said "I know I am losing you. I know it. I'm going to lose you and I don't want to." She wouldn't say anything after that. She looked SOOOOOO mad that she had to come over that night. When we got to my house I just sat there and held her in my arms and cried. I knew i was losing her and I knew it was over. I held her and told her I loved her so much and she began crying everytime I would say that. I said you look mad, you look like you don't even want to be here right now. She didn't, now I know she didn't. She claimed she was tired. We then talked and agreed we would stay together and work on things so I was better. I figured we would have make-up sex right then and there but nope, she said, can you take me home I am really tired. I said yeah. I didn't know this would be the last time I would ever see her again...... [The Break-Up] Today was our 9 month anniversary. She broke up with me on our 9 month anniversary. I called her in the morning and she was just FISHING for reasons to break up with me. First it was, I can't be in a relationship without trust, I told her I could trust her again someday so that one didn't work. She then said her dad says, she shouldn't even be in a relationship right now. I didn't respond to that one so that one didn't work either. She then came with another reason saying what am I going to do with MY future. Am I going to work at the restaurant I work at for the rest of my life? I told her no, that is my first job. I would love to go back to school but I don't have the money (which I really don't, yet, saving up). I will go back to school I told her so that one didn't work for her either. She then brought up her schooling. Saying she was just about to start school and that she wanted to take it more seriously and that she wanted to focus more on school. I said okay we can do that. You don't have to spend so much time with me and focus on school more so that one didn't work either. She then had another reason which was we would spent too much time together and depend on each other too much, I told her that we didn't have to spend as much time as we do together as we do now. We can work on all this I told her. She was just giving it her all to break up with me. I knew it was coming and there wasn't anything I could do. She didn't break up with me on that phone call but she had to go because she was going on the boat with her family. 15 minutes later........she broke up with me over a text message. Her reason, "She isn't happy." I texted her and said, "you promised I wouldn't lose you." She said, "David, I am not happy. Maybe when I get my **** together we can try to be together again. I'm sorry." I then never texted back. She texted me 20 minutes later saying, ":/ I think I made a mistake." I never texted back. I didn't text her at all. 2 Days after the break up I texted her to see how she was. NOTE: this is my first BIG break-up and I didn't know ANYTHING about the NO CONTACT RULE and everything until I started looking everything up which I am glad I did because if I didn't I'd probably still be trying to talk to her lol. Sadly..... She said she was good and that she was drinking the other night. I said you shouldn't be doing that that's not good for you. She said it was good for her because it took her mind off me she said. That hurt. I said well I am glad you can still have fun. And she then said sorry. Sorry for everything she said. I told her I would never be the same and that was that. Didn't talk to her for another 2 days and then the panicking happened. I called her 4 times in a row, no answers. I texted her like 3 times pleaded to not give up on us and to please give us another try and she was completed cold. She then told me to stop texting her because she was shopping with...............yeah. Cody. I was done. I stopped texting her. For one week. I didn't text her at all or call and then I get a text from her. She said "lolololol" I said "What" She told me she signed into my facebook account because I guess it was still logged into on her phone and she looked at my messages and she had seen I had hungout with another girl a day after the break-up. A girl she never trusted throughout our relationship and always thought who was talking to me throughout our whole relationship apparently so she says. This girl is TRULY just a friend of mine. We dated for like 2 weeks, this was 2 months before I started with my ex so she would never trust this girl. We even had problems throughout our relationship of my ex wanting to fight this girl over and arguement because my ex would always think this girl was trying to talk to me while I was dating my ex. Trust issues man. Me and this girl went to the beach the day after my ex dumped me and we talked about everything I had just been through because she has been through it all with her baby's daddy of 4 years. She told me how to get over her and how to stay busy and not think of her anymore. Nothing sexual happened. I have no interest in this girl anymore. Never did really, she was just a friend and I really needed to talk to someone instead of being alone and crying. but anyways after she told me she read that she then said, "I bet you cheated on me with her when I was out of town and you had that hickey. I bet that hickey was from her." I told her I did not cheat on her and that I never would. I told my ex the hickey was from you. I also told her I could prove it to her that nothing sexual happened that night after we broke up but she didn't even want me to. She said it didn't even matter anymore. THEN THE F****** TRUTH CAME OUT. She then texted me saying, "You were scared of losing me to Cody and I promised you you weren't when you really were all along. lol." SHE LEFT ME FOR HIM!!! Just imagine how I felt reading that text! I then told her, "I said wow. I bet you did cheat on me that night you were with him at the mall." She then told me that she didn't cheat on me. That that's where I was wrong she didn't cheat. Then she texted me saying that she doesn't love me anymore and that all the time we spent together was annoying and boring. She said everytime I would come over she would be so bored and not even want to see me. She said now that she broke up with me she can finally be free and hangout with her friends because I would never let her. I was at work all day and didn't control her so I know this wasn't true. She said she is so happy she broke up with me. Ouch. She said you just keep talking to her (the girl I hungout with the day after the break up) and she said I will just keep talking to Cody. We said a whole bunch more but we stopped eventually. Then 10 days after the break up. I had to take the anger away she had on me. I just had to. I sent her a letter in the mail with flowers. I put my heart on that paper. I told her I was sorry for all the mean things I said and that I didn't meant them and that I was just hurt and upset. I then told her I see we still have a chance and that I wish she would take it but I'm not going to beg or ask for it. I told her that I understand if she wants to be with someone else. I told her that I haven't done anything with anybody ever since she broke up with me. I promised her I didn't I have NEVER broke a promise with her. She then texted me the same day so she must have got it and read it. She texted me and said that she was sorry for everything and she then told me she still loves me. she asked if we could at least be friends and my dumba** said yes and I then text her "goodnight ________. Sweet dreams beautiful" like I always would when we were together. That was the last time we spoke. So now I sit and wonder. I sit and think did she give me that hickey on purpose just for a reason to break up with me and be with him? I don't think so because she came to me crying after the night I found out she hungout with him. But anyways, the 2 weeks after she broke up with me I was still checking her facebook here and there and I was also checking the guy she left me for's page. She likes EVERYTHING he posts and he likes her pictures she posts. I know I shouldn't have been looking because that's more pain but I had to know. I went to his page and seen he had a picture posted and my ex commented on it and said "Cute shoes" he then commented and said, "I know. YOU picked them out."....................................................She then commented and said, "I know:)"....................Really? Remember she told me that he bought some UGLY SHOES!? When they went to the mall. lol. Another lie. So I stopped looking at their pages because they are just setting me back. So many lies. [HERE WHERE I NEED YOUR HELP!] OKAY THIS IS WHERE I NEED YOU GUYS! She broke up with me 38 days ago. I have been in no contact for 28 days. She left me for another guy. G.I.G.S.!!!I already know I have to move on so don't tell me that. I am moving on. Slowly but surely. Okay I have 2 questions I need everyone to help me with. She added me on Facebook 28 days ago on the last day we talked. I accepted it because I wanted to clear the air and for her to not be mad at me. I had to for my reasons. But now I feel like deleting her. I realized I don't want to be with her ever again and I hate her for what she did to me. Should I delete her? Or should I just stay away from Facebook and not log in for another 3 months or so. Because right now we are facebook friends. Now I see it as, me having her as a friend is a good thing because it's letting her know that I am okay with the situation. It also gives her the chance to look at my page. But I haven't posted anything in like 2 weeks. I don't even go on Facebook any more because I know I would see something on there I wouldn't want to so I have stayed signed out for like 2 weeks. So if she is still looking at my page, which I doubt, but if she is she will be seeing I am not posting anything and wonder what I am doing and Where I am so it would push her to contact me if she ever would. OR I can delete and show her a sign of weakness and immaturity. Me deleting her would be immature. I think I should just keep her as a friend and NOT post anything for like the next 3 months. It will keep her to wonder why I haven't if she's looking. So delete her or not? My second question is. I know I have to expect for her to never contact me again and never try to come back to be with me but she left me for this guy and I KNOW they wont workout. He drinks and smokes and he is 23. He is nothing like me. He won't treat her the way I did. My 2nd question is do you think she will ever come back EVEN with what happened about me hanging out with the other girl after the breakup? Now I think she will always see me as the guy who got a hickey on his neck while she was out of town and cheated on her. DO YOU think she thinks I cheated on her? She has been cheated on before by her first love so she will never trust anybody. I guess I just need people to talk to. Anyone?
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