Men getting 'mad' at women for not having sex

[Sanman]

I think most men understand its a big deal and don't mind waiting a certain period of time, but after so long it one has to wonder the real intentions of this "waiting". The most I have ever waited is for three weeks but my experiences are not with single women. I have known guys that have waited for at least 6 months to a year and as soon as they dump the girl she meets someone else and has sex in a month or less. Place yourself in that man's shoes. How would you feel if you invested time, money, and emotions into someone for that amount of time with no "benefit"?

 

I know for me if I knew her waiting wasn't some BS punishment for what the previous man done and she had other ways of reciprocating interest then it wouldn't be a problem. The biggest thing now days is a lot of people are inconsistent. Women make men wait because they want to know the man is interested in them. Men want to know women are reciprocating what they feel and don't want to be investing in someone that don't feel the same way so they push for sex.

 

The best thing would be to figure out a middleground, but we live in a time where men and women hate to compromise. I am a person that if you work with me I work with you.

 

 

There seems to be little point in this argument as you are the third guy to express this (see my previous posts as well as ninja pajamas) and it really is not getting through. While Ninja and Quiet Storm say it boils down to men and women wanting different things at the beginning, I actually think it has a lot to do with wanting the same thing. Both men and women want the security of knowing that they are not making a mistake/wasting their time. A woman who is unsure of a man may withhold sex and a man may see hear that and not be sure that he is not wasting his time. The issue here is that someone has to take a chance at being used and no one wants to do that.

 

This is why I think you are right about consistency and intentions (I said the same thing). Being inconsistent about such things means that it is difficult to trust someone. Having a history of not waiting and making a certain guy wait makes that guy feel like your personal test monkey in a relationship (She does not trust men, so that guy has to deal with her insecurities and experimenting with new ideas). Setting up a boundary from the get go and following through is very different from playing hot and cold with someone based on your own feelings/insecurities. One is a mature way to treat a potential partner and the other is not.

[joystickd]

There are guys that will play the role of the good guy willing to wait. Most women claim they can recognize people that are just out for sex, but considering the emotional nature of women that is not so. A guy can do the right things and a woman will forget or not want to see the indicators of a guy's character.

 

This is why I stress guys need to have a deep understanding attraction because if you have to wait a long period of time then honestly she is not into you. I highly don't suggest you learn the way I did.

[Mme. Chaucer]

 

Dating, for example, is entirely for the benefit of women. We don't even have to know your name to know whether or not we want to pound you out.

 

Have I told you lately how exquisitely enchanting you are?

[Mme. Chaucer]

What I don't get about the 3 date rule...

 

Most guys have an issue if a girl has a very high number...

 

but if you've been mainly single by your late 20's, as a female, you have slept with a lot of guys if you sleep with someone at the 3rd date... even if you never date more than a person at a time, or anything.

 

It makes no sense.

 

You are supposed to have remained cloistered, working on your needlepoint and other "feminine" skills, rather than dating.

 

When you do date, you must adhere to the "3 date rule."

 

If that relationship fails to last eternally, return to your needlepoint. You are now used up, damaged goods.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I agree with tbf that the phrase "withhold sex" really does convey entitlement.

 

Yes, certainly some women handle sexuality that way. But I don't think I can "withhold" something from you that is not rightfully yours to begin with, can I?

 

I mean, if I have a lot of money and I don't give it to you, am I withholding it?

 

My sexuality is mine. I will choose who I want to share it with and when. That's all there is to it.

[Necris]

I believe I have found the perfect video showing how to approach women.

 

[kaylan]

This just isnt a man thing. Women can get downright nasty and spread bad words about you to others if you make them wait longer than they want. And this is if she hasnt bailed already and found a guy willing to give her what she wants.

 

This is my experience though...and Id say this happens because women have it so pummeled into their head that whenever they want sex, that any guy will jump at the chance. Well, not this fella, I tell you what. Some dudes arent that desperate for sex all the time and have their own morals and standards.

 

I dont have a beef if someone gets frustrated at waiting for sex, especially if the waiting time becomes much longer than their used to. If someone wants to bail...then by all means. Its all about compatibility.

 

In my case, even if I really like a girl, Im not waiting more than a month for sex. After that Im moving on. But in my experience, no woman have ever made me want long for sex, with the exception of my ex (4 months) because she was a virgin. This was when she was 19 and I was 22. So at that age, and given her being new to certain sexual things, I didnt take issue with it.

 

Waiting more than a month or two is something that usually happens with younger people with less experience, and now that im in my mid 20s, I def would rather have an experienced woman. However, with my ex we did do everything else sexually (hands and oral) within 2 weeks or 3 weeks of dating.

 

And every other girl Ive had intercourse with, it happened in that same time frame. Tbh...from how girls have behaved with me, and how Ive seen my chick friends behave with certain guys, and also based on stories Ive heard from guy friends, this is my conclusion;

 

If a girl is really into a guy, and if a guy is really into the girl, there wont be much waiting when it comes to anything sexual. In my estimation, the guys who get put in the waiting room are guys who dont get their love interests super revved up.

 

Thats just how I see it though. Or maybe its just that Ive dated more sexually liberal women and have more sexually liberal friends than most other people?

Edited October 3, 2012 by kaylan

[Oh_Sorry]

Is it rude for me to be laughing at the screen right now? *rhetorical*

 

 

After perusing a couple different forums I must say I am getting a rise out of this (no pun intended as I don’t have male genitalia). I’m sharing this in-light of getting people thinking critically about their safety.

 

 

 

1) One individual writes, “We finally had sex on the 4th date and I’m not sure how to progress the relationship further as I only see her once a week.” The response from multiple people was, “pick up the phone and ask for exclusivity.” To which the response from this 25 year old male was, “I don’t feel that calling her would be appropriate at this time in the relationship, but texting her is what I will do.” Seriously!!! You stick your penis inside her vagina but you can’t put your mouth at a microphone on a telephone to which her ear is on the other end??? You stick your penis inside her vagina but you don’t have the courage to ask for exclusivity???

 

2) One individual writes, “I’ve dated her for 2 months and we still haven’t had sex. Why?” To which the consensus response, most commonly from males, was, “Pu$$y. Next her. Find a hot chick who is willing to sleep with you!” The best part of this conversation was that the OP wrote, “what about STDs?” to which a 35 year old man responded with, “Other than HPV and HIV, everything is curable with a little pill at your local pharmacy. Bang away.” OMFG -- Really!! If this is how *this* 35 year old views sex then there are millions of little mole hills in billions of front yards that he can stick your penis into. Leave the poor woman’s vagina alone. She might actually be one of those women who prouds herself on being disease for X years (well … did until he came along).

 

3) One individual writes, “Fellas, you've got to avoid these women if you are even remotely interested in having a serious relationship (or don't want an STD). They're emotionally stunted at best and you're only setting yourself up for failure, usually by taking on a provider role for these women and their too common bastard children.” You guessed it – this guy is referring to, oh how I love these expressions, a MILF. Not even two threads down is a published POF transcript between same fellow with MILF and the best part of that thread was much later when the real discussion took place. It was written that, “I think this one might have actually realised that if she wants to be taken seriously as an adult, rather than a disposable **** toy, she needs to behave like one.” LMAO!! So there you have it from the pickup artist himself … apparently screwing like bunnies is doing yourself a disservice on all accounts! (Sorry to be crass). Incidentally, if women are becoming men under the ‘liberation movement’, then will men start complaining when liberated pickup artist women don’t want take on their ‘too common bastard children’ and ‘stunted’ emotional baggage (I digress. My bad).

 

Bottom line: run out and get tested! Women hike up them legs in the stirrups and roll up your arms. Men bite the silver bullet (pun intended) and roll up your sleeves. No wonder 1:3 have an STD and don’t even know it. Hmm… have they all been *banging* this 35 year old ;-/ For anyone that questions themselves, “Do I take their word for it?” You already know the answer to that. It’s not about trust – it’s about your own personal safety. Don’t compromise your safety just because someone says they’re clean. This goes for both men and women. Why don’t you muster up the courage to ask for exclusivity before sticking penises into vaginas? Not only will that move the relationship forward through commitment but also provides context for asking your ‘bumping uglies’ partner to get checked so that you both can enjoy sexual satisfaction! If the above examples of anonymous posters are over your head, at least please think of cases going through the courts regarding individuals who had sex with other individuals and infected them with HIV/AIDS; Please also think about standing in the mirror one day and looking at an inflamed, red sore developing off your lip because he/she told you they were clean when you had the one-nighter with a condom two weeks ago.

Edited October 3, 2012 by Oh_Sorry
Typo

[threebyfate]

I agree with tbf that the phrase "withhold sex" really does convey entitlement.

 

Yes, certainly some women handle sexuality that way. But I don't think I can "withhold" something from you that is not rightfully yours to begin with, can I?

 

I mean, if I have a lot of money and I don't give it to you, am I withholding it?

 

My sexuality is mine. I will choose who I want to share it with and when. That's all there is to it.

It is as simple as this. Our bodies are and remain our own, same as our minds. This is a basic human right.

 

It floors me that in 2012, there are archaic men (who aren't even chivalrous so what's up with that?) who still believe they're entitled to our bodies. Unbelievable and revolting.

[A O]

Perused this thread here and there and just want to focus on the word - entitlement. Dunno why its here, but one thing is bloody simple - no one is entitled to jack. And sure men and women are different in parts but that doesn't 'entitle' anyone to diddly squat.

[fishtaco]

Back in my single days, I've experimented with something similar to this. I'd send women the wrong message. Wasn't even about sex; I was just indiscriminately flirting with all women, even ones I wasn't interested in. But when my bluff was called, I'd back off if I wasn't interested in her. Guess what? Some of them got mad at me. And this wasn't even about sex, it was just plain old flirtatious socialization, that I could even explain/excuse away as friendliness. Oh yes, I have my back door escape route all planned out. But I'm being honest here on LS, hence I say yes, it was done with intention, and my goal was social experimentation. And this is something most people will not admit; they will stick to their excuse till the day they die.

 

So I don't see how anyone would be puzzled at this sort of reaction when one feels like s/he has been played/made a fool out of.

 

Dating was supposed to be about working together. Different people have different ideas of what constitutes "signals for sex", and when sex is appropriate. It was supposed to be a cooperative effort, a compromise, a happy medium. But of course, both men and women have long forgotten about that. It's about my way or you are wrong.

 

So this is my realization, hence I bought into the "my way only" method as well, like everyone else, as evident in this thread. I'm just an average member of society. I'm not destined for greatness. I simply follow what everyone is doing.

 

Hence, I was just being my friendly self, and those women were wrong to get mad at me. And if I ever become single, I will go out there, and do it again, if it suits my purpose.

 

But either way, it's bad form for men to get mad, even if they got played by women. The most men should ever do is to turn around and walk away. But ultimately I don't care because I don't date men.

 

As for women, I'm not a woman, so I have no right telling them what they should or should not do. Get mad if you want. Expect the world to revolve around you if you want. I don't care. If you're hot enough, I will put up with your **** until I get tired of it, and then I will go get the next one. You do what you've got to do, I do what I've got to do.

[joystickd]

It is as simple as this. Our bodies are and remain our own, same as our minds. This is a basic human right.

 

It floors me that in 2012, there are archaic men (who aren't even chivalrous so what's up with that?) who still believe they're entitled to our bodies. Unbelievable and revolting.

I'm not saying I'm entitled. No one is saying "Hey give me the pu**y now or else!". The main thing is sex is a way a man can indicate a woman is reciprocating that she is into him as much as he is into her. As a man you hear stories of women that have men waiting for up to 1 to 2 years and when the man gets frustrated and ends it then she finds someone else and jumps into bed with them. These type of guys are going to push for it as soon as possible because they need to know you are not giving them the run around. How does a man know you are truly into them? Women want emotional intimacy and men want physical. How does a man know that if he gets emotionally invested in you before he has sex that you won't dump him or give him the runaround for your benefit? It's kind of like a weird standoff sometimes. Men don't want to be emotional too early out of fear of women losing respect for them. Women don't want to be physical too early for the same reason. Yeah men withhold the emotional stuff. On some level it's my main problem with single women. I absolutely hate being vulnerable. I gave up the emotions too damn soon and get done dirty and seen as the sucker. I know not all women are like that but it sticks with you. Men on some level understand the perspective of women. It's kind of why I do the homewrecking thing even though I really desire the whole relationship thing with someone single. I don't want to be the one that has to be vulnerable first for the benefit of a woman and have the chance of the woman not doing the same.

[kaylan]

I dont get 'mad' if a girl doesnt hook up with me when I think we should. I simply move on or keep my options open.

 

No biggie.

[phineas]

Got to say, not surprised at the responses so far.

 

I am. I can't believe the "rape" card wasn't played until like the 6th page.

[phineas]

I dont get 'mad' if a girl doesnt hook up with me when I think we should. I simply move on or keep my options open.

 

No biggie.

 

Yeah, I don't understand why any man would get mad.

 

Like I said, I don't answer to a woman who isn't sleeping with me on the regular.

 

I've gotten the token sex then the "i'm busy" for 3 weeks & I lol at what an idiot I was for paying attention to those women afterword.

 

and kaylan, i've had women get pissed at me PISSED because I didn't try to have sex with them when they invited me to hang out & watch a movie. WTF?

We wern't even dating & in fact was just friends with them. No flirting before hand, no indication of attraction. They just EXPECTED me to try & sleep with them because we were alone at their house.

 

And afterword? when I realized they were interested in me (because they gave no indication) They dic-teased me, strung me along & got quite cruel while they slept with an ex.

 

Yeah, they ruined what I thought were perfectly good friendships & could of been good relationships.

[xxoo]

Back in my single days, I've experimented with something similar to this. I'd send women the wrong message. Wasn't even about sex; I was just indiscriminately flirting with all women, even ones I wasn't interested in. But when my bluff was called, I'd back off if I wasn't interested in her. Guess what? Some of them got mad at me. And this wasn't even about sex, it was just plain old flirtatious socialization, that I could even explain/excuse away as friendliness. Oh yes, I have my back door escape route all planned out. But I'm being honest here on LS, hence I say yes, it was done with intention, and my goal was social experimentation. And this is something most people will not admit; they will stick to their excuse till the day they die.

 

So I don't see how anyone would be puzzled at this sort of reaction when one feels like s/he has been played/made a fool out of.

 

Dating was supposed to be about working together. Different people have different ideas of what constitutes "signals for sex", and when sex is appropriate. It was supposed to be a cooperative effort, a compromise, a happy medium. But of course, both men and women have long forgotten about that. It's about my way or you are wrong.

 

So this is my realization, hence I bought into the "my way only" method as well, like everyone else, as evident in this thread. I'm just an average member of society. I'm not destined for greatness. I simply follow what everyone is doing.

 

Hence, I was just being my friendly self, and those women were wrong to get mad at me. And if I ever become single, I will go out there, and do it again, if it suits my purpose.

 

But either way, it's bad form for men to get mad, even if they got played by women. The most men should ever do is to turn around and walk away. But ultimately I don't care because I don't date men.

 

As for women, I'm not a woman, so I have no right telling them what they should or should not do. Get mad if you want. Expect the world to revolve around you if you want. I don't care. If you're hot enough, I will put up with your **** until I get tired of it, and then I will go get the next one. You do what you've got to do, I do what I've got to do.

 

Interesting post, fishtaco.

 

I can see your point about mixed signals, possibly intentionally so, although I don't generally think that is what women intend when dating a new man.

 

Most, though, I disagree with the use of the word "compromise" in the bolded sentence. I do think there is a place for compromise in a sexual relationship, and I agree that dating should be a cooperative effort. But I disagree that timing for moving to a sexual relationship should be a compromise or happy medium. Both people should have a resounding "yes!"

 

Would men really want women to compromise and have sex with you? Wouldn't you want her to really want it, feel comfortable, and enjoy it?

 

On the flip side, typically it is women pushing men to commit and marry, and again, I feel that shouldn't be a compromise. If there are not two resounding "yes!" votes, what is the point?

[Feelin Frisky]

No poker chips or hoops here. I have no interest in dating anymore. I'm tired of feeling like some sort of freak.

 

I'm curious why you'd quote what I said and answer this way when it was not in any way "aimed" at you. It answered the OP as I understood it i.e. "Why would "I" get angry about having sex withheld from me?" Again, just curious because I haven't heard it from a woman's perspective of wanting it sometimes more than others but having it treated like it's just always the same limited thing.

[Pompom]

Honestly, some women take the "early stages where sex would be inappropriate" VERY far and I can understand why men get frustrated in some cases. Holding hands, hugging and sitting on each-other's lap, can be done with friends; an intimate relationship should involve sex and in my opinion, being comfortable enough for someone else's tongue in your mouth or similar, means sex isn't such a strange idea either. In my personal opinion, relationships that go beyond friendship (or blood), also serve the purpose of sexual partnership.

[maybealone]

I would like to point out that for some women (like me), sex is waaaaaay better when I have enough trust in the guy to believe he is not out to purposely hurt me. I am way more into it and way less reserved. I also find that if I have sex too soon and am reserved, then it is hard for me to later be the little vixen I like to be.

 

If I am not at that point by a month into the relationship, then either I am not that into him or do not feel like he is into me and I would probably move on.

[joystickd]

I would like to point out that for some women (like me), sex is waaaaaay better when I have enough trust in the guy to believe he is not out to purposely hurt me. I am way more into it and way less reserved. I also find that if I have sex too soon and am reserved, then it is hard for me to later be the little vixen I like to be.

 

If I am not at that point by a month into the relationship, then either I am not that into him or do not feel like he is into me and I would probably move on.

Well that is good you will step away rather than drag it out. I know there are guys that wish they had met women like this.

[Anela]

I'm curious why you'd quote what I said and answer this way when it was not in any way "aimed" at you. It answered the OP as I understood it i.e. "Why would "I" get angry about having sex withheld from me?" Again, just curious because I haven't heard it from a woman's perspective of wanting it sometimes more than others but having it treated like it's just always the same limited thing.

 

It was just the latest in a round of comments. That's all.

[Els]

Interesting post, fishtaco.

 

I can see your point about mixed signals, possibly intentionally so, although I don't generally think that is what women intend when dating a new man.

 

Most, though, I disagree with the use of the word "compromise" in the bolded sentence. I do think there is a place for compromise in a sexual relationship, and I agree that dating should be a cooperative effort. But I disagree that timing for moving to a sexual relationship should be a compromise or happy medium. Both people should have a resounding "yes!"

 

Would men really want women to compromise and have sex with you? Wouldn't you want her to really want it, feel comfortable, and enjoy it?

 

On the flip side, typically it is women pushing men to commit and marry, and again, I feel that shouldn't be a compromise. If there are not two resounding "yes!" votes, what is the point?

 

Exactly! Some things need to wait until both people are completely comfortable with it and certain that they want to do it, otherwise it is pointless. A man 'getting mad' at a woman for not wanting to have sex sooner is exactly the same as a woman 'getting mad' at a man who just isn't ready to marry yet. Yes, in both scenarios the person who isn't getting what he/she wants is perfectly welcome to leave if they feel their needs aren't getting met, but the idea that one person 'should' cave and do what the other person wants even if they feel uncomfortable about it, in these aspects, is quite ludicrous.

[Dafa]

Exactly! Some things need to wait until both people are completely comfortable with it and certain that they want to do it, otherwise it is pointless. A man 'getting mad' at a woman for not wanting to have sex sooner is exactly the same as a woman 'getting mad' at a man who just isn't ready to marry yet. Yes, in both scenarios the person who isn't getting what he/she wants is perfectly welcome to leave if they feel their needs aren't getting met, but the idea that one person 'should' cave and do what the other person wants even if they feel uncomfortable about it, in these aspects, is quite ludicrous.

 

How about interpreting the "get mad" reaction as not being angry at the unrequiting partner but rather at oneself for feelings of insufficiency regarding said partner? It even works in that analogy with the marriage...

With that said, i agree that showing this to the other person is not in the least constructive, quite the opposite. Simply because even if the other person caves, she will cave because of the exerted pressure and hence is not a genuine action.

 

In the end, i have to agree with some of the posters that say: "If she does not put out when you believe she should, then move on and no hard feelings (pun intended )". What i find sad is the fact that there is some sexual incompatibility could mean the end of a relationship that could be quite fulfilling in its other components.

Edited October 3, 2012 by Dafa

[joystickd]

How about interpreting the "get mad" reaction as not being angry at the unrequiting partner but rather at oneself for feelings of insufficiency regarding said partner? It even works in that analogy with the marriage...

With that said, i agree that showing this to the other person is not in the least constructive, quite the opposite. Simply because even if the other person caves, she will cave because of the exerted pressure and hence is not a genuine action.

 

In the end, i have to agree with some of the posters that say: "If she does not put out when you believe she should, then move on and no hard feelings (pun intended )". What i find sad is the fact that there is some sexual incompatibility could mean the end of a relationship that could be quite fulfilling in its other components.

I have always thought the anger was more about them being mad at themselves for what they feel was wasted time. Al Pacino Don't waste my time - YouTube

[Ninjainpajamas]

It is as simple as this. Our bodies are and remain our own, same as our minds. This is a basic human right.

 

It floors me that in 2012, there are archaic men (who aren't even chivalrous so what's up with that?) who still believe they're entitled to our bodies. Unbelievable and revolting.

 

It is as simple as this. Our time and our investment remain our own, same as our commitment. This is a basic human right.

 

It floors me that in 2012, there are entitled women whom feel the world revolves around them (who aren't that sweet and innocent as they pretend to be, so what's up with that?) who still believe they're entitled to our hearts and commitment just because they have sex with a man. Unbelievable and revolting.

........

 

It works both ways...because women have expectations for a relationship, pretty much ALL of the time, with pretty much ALL men that they date, because this is the holy grail of achievement for a woman...It's no challenge to get a guy to have sex with you, the challenge is to get him to get into a relationship with you and then finally marriage.

 

Men have expectations for either sex or a relationship, depending on how they feel for the woman. And guess what? If he doesn't see the relationship potential ::gasp:: he'll still have sex with a woman...but wait a minute, so will a woman? of course, but whenever and with whomever she choose to be that guy without actually informing the man...just like a man does with a woman? OMG is it possible that the sexes are playing games on each other and putting communication on the backburner! of course not, it's always the other person fault, let's just go through life blaming everyone and everything else and take responsibility for nothing so we never have to question ourselves or be accountable...that's a great idea, now I'm a generic person with low self-awareness because I never look in the mirror and see my own actions...great!

 

I honestly believe that this type of topic could be like therapy to men and women alike (kudos to Tigressa for posting it) because it gets so much of what men and women really want to say about this topic, this is a huge and common thing that everybody experiences at one time or another since it's essentially part of dating, and sex is always a factor.

 

But what I find disappointing in women, is they never want to say or express anything they do that is completely manipulating or misleading themselves, It's as IF they think that IF you don't call them out on their actions that maybe nobody sees it...because trust me, women play plenty of games and do plenty of crazy crap...you see the men putting themselves out here and being vulnerable, even admitting to things..you never hardly see that from women, they stay on that soap box and defend themselves valiantly even IF they know in the back of their minds they did use a guy for dates or string a guy along, or wasted a good guys time or what not...I like how women only bring up the times and situations where they were used or hurt, but never like to talk about what they've done to other men, because they're too busy playing the victim 100 percent of the time, and nothing could possibly be your fault, and IF women realize they did something wrong then they keep it to themselves, because god forbid men aren't the target of every conflict, don't women realize that they blame men for just about everything...oh wait you blame yourselves in private I forgot...why put it out there right? why be a human being and show men you actually aren't perfect? instead no no, a woman never has to expose or answer to her own issues publicly...let's just expect men to lay their heads on the chopping block because It's ok for them to be vulnerable just not us.