Lonely Ronin Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Having a crush/admiring someone sexually and then claiming that I'm the only one he's into is directly contradicting. Do you understand the difference between physical intimacy, and emotional intimacy? 1
Author verhrzn Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 Do you understand the difference between physical intimacy, and emotional intimacy? In what capacity? You're going to need to be more specific.
Lonely Ronin Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 In what capacity? You're going to need to be more specific. The fact that you need clarification given the context of this thread is a good indicator the answer is no. consider the concept that there are two separate entities, and that they are not equal in value. You seem to only value and more importantly think men only value the physical (the lesser entity).
Author verhrzn Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 The fact that you need clarification given the context of this thread is a good indicator the answer is no. consider the concept that there are two separate entities, and that they are not equal in value. You seem to only value and more importantly think men only value the physical (the lesser entity). Because that's what I've been told, and what men have demonstrated. That they value the physical; maybe not only, but strongly. If not, what's all this BS about how men are "visual," how men can't help what they're attracted to, how leering/admiring a woman's body is just an inherent part of male sexuality?
Lonely Ronin Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Because that's what I've been told, and what men have demonstrated. That they value the physical; maybe not only, but strongly. If not, what's all this BS about how men are "visual," how men can't help what they're attracted to, how leering/admiring a woman's body is just an inherent part of male sexuality? I think you are giving to much credence to the trolls & delinquents of the world.Is it logical to believe everything you read on the net, or what a small subset of the population tells you. what you seem to not get is that a person can notice another person and have a passing though about them. You seem to believe that it's ether oblivious or infatuation. you also seem to get that the physical is but one part of a person.
xxoo Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Well, that's nice for you. But since I have been continuously dumped for other women, I am obviously never going to be enough for a man to re-commit to me. So, since I will never be a guy's "dream girl," but instead the woman he settled for, why would an open relationship be bad? Would it be better for me to be single/cheated on/dumped over and over again in hopes that THIS time, monogamy will work? Or is it better to embrace the fact that men crave sexual variety, and that I could give him an emotionally fulfilled relationship while he can get his sexual rocks off as well? And what happens when he connects with (sleeps with) a woman who offers him both? If it makes you feel better to have an open relationship--by all means, have one. But don't make it about "male sexuality", because many men don't want that. This is about your insecurities.
Author verhrzn Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 And what happens when he connects with (sleeps with) a woman who offers him both? If it makes you feel better to have an open relationship--by all means, have one. But don't make it about "male sexuality", because many men don't want that. This is about your insecurities. Men don't seem to want it when they have something to lose, or when they are with their Soul Mate. But, again, if you're the girl they "settled" for, they're probably going to cheat or leave you ANYWAY, because they want something you can't give them.
xxoo Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 what you seem to not get is that a person can notice another person and have a passing though about them. You seem to believe that it's ether oblivious or infatuation. you also seem to get that the physical is but one part of a person. That's a good point. Just because a man has a thought doesn't mean he'd even have sex with that woman if he were single. Maybe the woman is someone very inappropriate (like his kid's preschool teacher). Maybe the woman is someone he doesn't trust. Maybe the woman is someone he doesn't even like, but he noticed her butt and had a random sexual thought. Maybe he doesn't like the idea of having dozens of sexual partners in a lifetime, even if he has thousands of random sexual thoughts in a lifetime. Men are not sexual robots, incapable of higher reasoning and emotion! Just because they have a thought, doesn't mean they are strongly tempted to do it. 3
joystickd Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Threads like this are really about the struggles of a person of one gender wishing the opposite gender would think like them. The title of a song I posted is perfect for this. It comes from a place of insecurity. Joy Division - Love Will Tear Us Apart - YouTube Insecurity will tear apart any relationship and cause problems. The problem stems from not a lack of male sexuality but a problem with YOU have with being insecure and using male sexuality as a vehicle to place blame on. There are a hell of a lot of women on here that have issues with this thing about men. Dating and sexuality are different for men and women. Its like Yin and Yang or Night and Day, but together they form balance. The problem lies in acceptance because without acceptance there can be no balance 1
joystickd Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Men don't seem to want it when they have something to lose, or when they are with their Soul Mate. But, again, if you're the girl they "settled" for, they're probably going to cheat or leave you ANYWAY, because they want something you can't give them. If you are "settled" for then why stay around. Why waste the energy on someone you know doesn't really want you? Why even devote the time focusing on men that have dumped you?
Author verhrzn Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 If you are "settled" for then why stay around. Why waste the energy on someone you know doesn't really want you? Why even devote the time focusing on men that have dumped you? Because that's all I'm ever going to get. So, I want to work with what I have. Like you and all the other male posters have pointed out, I am never going to be special to a man.... He is never going to stop thinking about sex with women. Since I would rather a guy be honest, an open relationship seems like a good option to allow a man to fully embrace his inherent sexuality.
xxoo Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Because that's all I'm ever going to get. So, I want to work with what I have. Like you and all the other male posters have pointed out, I am never going to be special to a man.... He is never going to stop thinking about sex with women. Since I would rather a guy be honest, an open relationship seems like a good option to allow a man to fully embrace his inherent sexuality. So if he has thoughts of others, you are not special? I guess I'd be discouraged if I thought that, too. V, if a guy voiced every sexual thought he had, even other guys would be horrified Why not ask a man what he inherent sexuality is, and if he wants to have sex with others, rather than assuming what his inherent sexuality is? If he wants an open relationship, you are all set. If he doesn't, please, believe him. 1
oaks Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 I am "happy" with other portions of my life. Notice that I rarely complain about my job, or even my social circles. This stuff makes me unhappy specifically in terms relating to dating. Well, this is a Dating forum. I wouldn't expect you to dwell on job issues or social circle issues too much here anyway!
Author verhrzn Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 So if he has thoughts of others, you are not special? I guess I'd be discouraged if I thought that, too. V, if a guy voiced every sexual thought he had, even other guys would be horrified Why not ask a man what he inherent sexuality is, and if he wants to have sex with others, rather than assuming what his inherent sexuality is? If he wants an open relationship, you are all set. If he doesn't, please, believe him. Except why believe him when male posters on this thread are constantly saying how men will lie, because women will shame them/not accept them? One of the posters said it exactly in ThaW's last thread; that if a man doesn't want to sleep with other people, he's lying, because all men do, they just suppress the urge. So when I'm being told that this is inherent to men, that all men believe this, and that men will lie to avoid being shamed, why should I believe him? And like I said in my personal example, if a guy I'm dating has already gotten a crush, and flirted, with other girls during our relationship, why should I buy him as a monogamist? His actions don't seem to line up with his words; which should I believe? How can men possibly look at porn and then claim they DON'T want to have sex with other women??
Lonely Ronin Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 One of the posters said it exactly in ThaW's last thread; that if a man doesn't want to sleep with other people, he's lying, because all men do, they just suppress the urge. So when I'm being told that this is inherent to men, that all men believe this, and that men will lie to avoid being shamed, why should I believe him? you need better troll radar?
Author verhrzn Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 you need better troll radar? Are ThaWhalogian, BigQuestion or Joystick trolls?
joystickd Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Because that's all I'm ever going to get. So, I want to work with what I have. Like you and all the other male posters have pointed out, I am never going to be special to a man.... He is never going to stop thinking about sex with women. Since I would rather a guy be honest, an open relationship seems like a good option to allow a man to fully embrace his inherent sexuality. How do you know honestly that is all you will have? You have to change you mindset or it will never change. Just like women hate needy guys insecure women is an absolute turnoff to men and a lot of the problem is that.
Author verhrzn Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 How do you know honestly that is all you will have? You have to change you mindset or it will never change. Just like women hate needy guys insecure women is an absolute turnoff to men and a lot of the problem is that. I know because I am me, and my personality (even without the "insecurity") and looks are not popular with men. I am just not the type of girl men imagine themselves marrying. It has nothing to do with my mindset.
ThaWholigan Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Are ThaWhalogian, BigQuestion or Joystick trolls? Are you putting words in my mouth again? I urge you to quote me so I can own up
joystickd Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Except why believe him when male posters on this thread are constantly saying how men will lie, because women will shame them/not accept them? One of the posters said it exactly in ThaW's last thread; that if a man doesn't want to sleep with other people, he's lying, because all men do, they just suppress the urge. So when I'm being told that this is inherent to men, that all men believe this, and that men will lie to avoid being shamed, why should I believe him? And like I said in my personal example, if a guy I'm dating has already gotten a crush, and flirted, with other girls during our relationship, why should I buy him as a monogamist? His actions don't seem to line up with his words; which should I believe? How can men possibly look at porn and then claim they DON'T want to have sex with other women?? They suppress the urge out of respect for a person they have feelings for. How inconsistent would that be to hurt someone you have feelings for? As a human we all man or women fantasize about someone but that doesn't mean we act on it. I work as a nurse in a long term care facility. It's mostly women and they talk about other men just like men talk about other women and fantasize. I have had coworkers come up to me and tell they have fantasized about me. Thinking about something and not talking about it is not lying if that were true everyone would be liars. 1
ThaWholigan Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 They suppress the urge out of respect for a person they have feelings for. How inconsistent would that be to hurt someone you have feelings for? As a human we all man or women fantasize about someone but that doesn't mean we act on it. I work as a nurse in a long term care facility. It's mostly women and they talk about other men just like men talk about other women and fantasize. I have had coworkers come up to me and tell they have fantasized about me. Thinking about something and not talking about it is not lying if that were true everyone would be liars. Consider that the urge doesn't necessarily represent a want or need.
joystickd Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 I know because I am me, and my personality (even without the "insecurity") and looks are not popular with men. I am just not the type of girl men imagine themselves marrying. It has nothing to do with my mindset. Actually it doesn't I bet there were guys that wanted more from you but your attitude turned them off. Maybe you should pick a different type of guy. The nerds are not healthy for you. Hell they are not healthy for any woman. This comes from a former nerd.
joystickd Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Consider that the urge doesn't necessarily represent a want or need. I had to approach it the way she thinks about it.
Author verhrzn Posted October 1, 2012 Author Posted October 1, 2012 Actually it doesn't I bet there were guys that wanted more from you but your attitude turned them off. Maybe you should pick a different type of guy. The nerds are not healthy for you. Hell they are not healthy for any woman. This comes from a former nerd. Catch-22; no other type of guy except for nerds will date me. And no, it wasn't my attitude. Again, I am just not the type of girl (in terms of looks and personality) that guys want. Throughout human history, homely women have accepted their husbands having affairs, so long as the husband continued to support her (emotionally, financially.) Why should the modern world be different?
xxoo Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 Except why believe him when male posters on this thread are constantly saying how men will lie, because women will shame them/not accept them? One of the posters said it exactly in ThaW's last thread; that if a man doesn't want to sleep with other people, he's lying, because all men do, they just suppress the urge. So when I'm being told that this is inherent to men, that all men believe this, and that men will lie to avoid being shamed, why should I believe him? Those guys don't represent all men. And like I said in my personal example, if a guy I'm dating has already gotten a crush, and flirted, with other girls during our relationship, why should I buy him as a monogamist? His actions don't seem to line up with his words; which should I believe? How can men possibly look at porn and then claim they DON'T want to have sex with other women?? If your guy is actively flirting with other girls, and his actions don't line up with his words, then listen to that. But a crush is not action. It is a feeling. A person can have a crush, and respond in a way that strengthens their primary relationship. Porn is a whole different issue. I believe there is an entire porn thread somewhere for those questions.....
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